Wants Versus Needs

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Hello to my readers. It has been a long time since I wrote a blog, however I recently completed a fabulous International vacation and I feel inspired to write. I am blessed to have my best friend for 25 years “over the pond”. When I vacation in her home in London we always plan our escape to a new and exciting country. This visit we made it to Belgium. With divine chocolate and the best beer in the world while surrounded by beautiful ancient architecture what more could I want? Or what more could I need?

This leads me into my topic for this blog. Wants versus needs. I was recently inspired by a woman named Breeny Lee. I encourage you to watch her You Tube chats. For example, one entitled “Stop Being Good to Bad Guys” is outstanding. She provokes her listeners to think about “what they want” versus “what they need” while in search of a real man. Her theme fits well into my blog.

For me, a “boy” can always and easily fulfill my “wants”. What are my “wants”? Examples include money, nice travels, great dinners out and pure fun, fun, fun…. However fun is lovely if I was with someone who is willing to fulfill my “needs”. Breeny Lee got me thinking long and hard about “what are my needs”? This is a very personal “inner dialog” I believe every woman should have with herself when deciding to spend her life with a man. For me, examples of my “man needs” include: For my man to love me unconditionally (a love without judgement), for my man to be honest with me about EVERYTHING including his past, for my man to make me feel like I am the best woman he has ever found. These are a few examples of my needs versus my wants.

Wants are easy for a boy to fulfill, however only a man can fulfill needs.

And to my dear London friend. Thank you for fulfilling my needs as the best female friend a woman could ever ask for.

Thank you for reading.

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Thankful

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Happy Thanksgiving.  An old high school friend asked me if I’m still writing.  As I look back and reflect on 2018, I realize the last blog I wrote was May of 2017 – Mother’s Day.  It touched my heart in a certain way because many of you know I always wanted to be a mother.  As I climb my 40’s into the late stages, I accept this is not my reality and as I write today I’m proud to report I am thankful for so many things that I am able to no longer wallow about never being a biological mother.

Things I am thankful for:

After all this time, you are still reading my words.

Health.

Stability.

My new bedroom furniture set I can afford.

My parents.

My best friends.

My brother, his wife and my 2 nephews.

The universe.

My unconditionally loving pets – those who have passed on and my new baby Dahlia.

Life.

Running.

Happy moments.

Laughter.

Older adults who impart words of wisdom to me every day of my entire career.

New opportunities

Dobbs Ferry.

South Presbyterian Church.

The Dave Matthews Band.

Quality movies and television.

Healthy eating.

Coffee.

My I-phone.

My paid for Honda Civic – thanks Dad!

Stability.  (Ok I know I said this already, but this is what I am most thankful for in 2018.)

What I have learned over the course of my 47 years is that life never is what you plan it to be, but simply what happens when you stop planning and simply live – live according to your love- do what you love.  Try to not waste your time with anything less.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

Mothering

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Happy Sunday and Happy Mother’s Day. When I wanted my own child so badly in my past, Mother’s Day was a sad day for me.   I was once was given a potted plant at a restaurant during my most fertile child bearing years and I quickly returned it to the waiter declaring I am NOT a mother!  Well, those days have long since passed and today when a parking garage attendant handed me a rose wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day I gladly took it and was all smiles. I even threw an extra buck into his tip. What I know today is that as women, whether we biologically reproduce or not, we typically have mothering traits we should be proud of.

Now I realize some of us our more mothering than others. As for myself I’m the queen of “Mom like” behaviors. Heck, I used Ms. Breck hairspray in college and dubbed the title S.I.A.G. (which meant that when my female college dorm mates went out for a wreckless night of drinking I begged them to STAY IN A GROUP).  Hence they began saying “yes Mom” in response to my safety lectures.  I am a natural born nurturer. I chose my profession in order to nurture my seniors. My friends’ children love me and I them. As a result of “boy addiction” I mothered 2 young ladies for 4 years and that was THE BEST part of that relationship. I do not regret one second I spent with them as they taught me so much about life and unconditional love!

So today I’m here to say whether you have children or not, as a woman honor your ability to nurture.  I think it’s fair to say that while some men try very hard (these are real men, not boys) they too will admit sometimes there is nothing like a motherly touch. And to my mother who I am SO BLESSED to have in my life, thank you for teaching me the art of nurture.

And to my dear friend out there who never misses an opportunity to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day since I met him 17 years ago, today I really do feel the love, appreciation and gratitude. Thank you friend.

Please forget ALL BOYS on this day and honor the mother in you.

Thank you for reading.

Birthday Gifts

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Sunday blog day falls on my birthday, so I decided to write about birthday gifts. In the photo you see all the unconditional love I have in my life. My baby kitty Missy looks pretty good at age 18, my expensive bottle of bubbly sent via my local liquor store from my best friend Jean in London, and gorgeous flowers sent by my brother and his family. All of these positive people and pets in my life remind me as I age that I am blessed with so many gifts.

In my past, when I was stuck in the depths of boy addiction, I could not appreciate all the unconditional love in my life. I realize today that I was too busy chasing the boys that wanted to use and hurt me. Today I want NOTHING to do with those bad boys. I only make room for the good. I only have room in my heart and my life for unconditional love.

I learned many years ago that prayer is a form of meditation.
A favorite prayer/meditation I like to say in my mind is “God, help me to give and receive love more freely”. What this means for me is that this prayers serves as a reminder that there is so much love in my life. This is what I can focus on. One day at a time.

I challenge you as you read this to focus on the unconditional love in your life. It may be coming from places you haven’t even considered. When you realize this, be sure to give love where it belongs and is deserved. Let all the others go. Even if only in your mind and heart.

Thank you readers!

Overweight

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Happy Sunday and Happy Boy addiction blog day. Since I gained much of my weight back after a running injury I am thinking much on this topic and how it relates to my boy addiction. I have always attributed being thin with “finding my man”. What I have learned is this is simply false. I have come to learn that no matter what my weight, I am a good soul which shines through extra body fat. I also have learned the hard way that being thin attracts the wrong boys. You know gals, the superficial ones who could care less about your soul?

Most of you know I have been happy in a very nice relationship. Guess what? He met me at my high weight! He digs my soul. I’m quite sure he digs my physical attributes too, but my point is that my weight never had anything to do with finding my man.

Do not get me wrong. I am not happy at a higher weight and I am actively working on weight loss but for many reasons other than finding a boy. My overall movements are more difficult at a higher weight. I am trying to return to a running routine and with all my extra pounds it is a struggle. But I am getting out there. It’s more for my mind. My day goes much better when I get out and move. Whether a walk, a walk/run or a run, I become energized when I’m finished. I’m tuning into this great energy. My energy level becomes much better too when I shed pounds. This too is important for my mental health. And my clothing that I wore as a thin girl will fit! This is a “biggy” for me. I have an entire closet of thin girl clothing I’m very motivated to get back into.

All of my reasons to try to shed pounds today are MINUS the boy addiction. I have a supportive man cheering me on, but also telling me he is always happy just as I am. God is great.

Thank you for reading.

Commitment

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Happy Sunday and happy boy addict blog day. Boy addicts such as myself HATE to write on this topic. For myself, commitment equals relationship which equals sacrifice which equals loss of self and independence. Sounds pretty grim doesn’t it? Currently I’m part of a committed relationship and at least once a week I start to think I’d rather be alone. I’ve made a safe space for myself and my baby kitty Missy and when relationship challenges arise (as they will) my first instinct is to run away. Since I have found a loving partner who is worth engaging in commitment, I decided to focus on the positive aspects to help me keep my focus on why this is good for me. Here goes:

It is SO NICE to NOT BE INTERNET DATING! Having met someone kind-hearted and willing to commit to a relationship is great. We enjoy each other’s company. I must admit, he is MUCH neater and more tidy than I, but he motivates me to clean up my act. So my apartment looks pretty darn good these days.

He is complimentary and a true gentleman. This has been a rough year for me not being able to run the way I was for so many years due to injury and job demands. I could have easily fallen into “insecure girl mode”, but he always makes me feel beautiful. It has helped me so much.

He loves commitment. He let me know this right out of the gate. He was looking for commitment with a good woman from the first day we met. He has been very serious about letting me know I am with him. It is nice and feels secure.
We laugh a lot! He enjoys the humor I enjoy. There is nothing more important in a committed relationship than laughter. Especially with the difficult world we are living in today!

So I say that a great cure for boy addiction is a man willing to be kind, complimentary, and make me feel secure while laughing often is my prescription. However, should these things go missing it would be time to re -evaluate. So far, so great. Thank you man!

Fear

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Happy Sunday and happy blog day.   This is a heavy title, but in our current political climate this emotion sits heavy in my heart.    On a global level fear is in most people’s minds and hearts on a daily basis.    Our politicians are promoting it through tweets and media and propaganda.    Code Orange, Iran nuclear tests, anti-Muslim rhetoric, gun violence in Chicago, the list goes on and on.    We cannot ease our fears on a mass level without starting on an interpersonal journey.   By this I mean I have often taken a deep look at my own fears and what stops me from living my life’s purpose.

Everything for me has fear involved from the day I was born.   I was not a “fearless kid”.     Heck I hated to have my photograph taken at the age of 2.   Imagine me not wanting to smile for the camera.   My Mom told me she had to “sneak” up on me to get a snapshot of me.  She explained to me years later that if I saw her coming I would burst into tears. Sitting on Santa’s lap at holiday time was equivalent to encouraging a stranger in a creepy red suit with a white beard to kidnap me.   Yes, I had fears as a child.

As I grew and my self-esteem was fairly weak (pale pre teen with zits on my forehead and braces on my teeth) my fears of my own abilities grew.  One major move I made was finding a boy to help alleviate my fears.    I kept my first boyfriend with me for 6 years all through high school and college.  He had much more confidence than I so I clung to him to feel safe.

Today I have learned that fear could be biggest hinderance to making choices that improve my lot in life if I let fear “drive my car”.    I have learned more recently in life (as author Elizabeth Gilbert discusses in her book “Big Magic”) to try to make fear my companion.    I may not like fear always being around, but since it is deeply rooted in my body’s chemistry I accept fear must always tag along on my journey.   I’m jumping into more of life’s challenges putting fear to my side and trusting that God has my back.   This has been very comforting for me.   My decision to recently jump into a new career was filled with fear.   But I trust God found a much better place for me to continue my work of caring for frail elderly folks in a more appropriate setting for me.

I think it is important for all of us reading this to examine our fears and determine if they can go along for the ride while we still drive our own cars so to speak.  My decision to blog for example, was filled with fear.  I went for it no less and have not regretted my decision for one day.  I can see that expressing my truth has brought me so much closer to you all.   I am so blessed.   Thank you fear for not stopping me.   I will be back next Sunday.

Thank you for reading.