Don’t date the road rager…

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go bat mobile

Happy Sunday…I can tell  you all like my stories since the stats for my “most interesting date” story spiked way up on the day I posted that one…OH HOW FUN IT IS to peek into someone’s dating life.   The byproduct is always a great lesson, so here is today’s:

He was a Republican/Conservative and a lawyer.  Not necessarily a great match for this Liberal/Democrat free spirit, but he caught my vibe quickly on that first coffee date and seemed to accept me.  We had a couple of dates and just when I was about the give him the “we are not a match” speech he called and said “Leslie, I’m going to invite you someplace you would never expect me to invite you.  You see, my friend has a “Bat Mobile” and is planning to drive in the NY City Village Halloween Parade and I was wondering if you’d like to go with me?  The only catch is that I need you to provide a costume for you and for me?”  Well, the Village Parade, for those of you who know NY City, is virtually impossible to view unless  you get there awfully early.  It is a HUGELY popular event and very fun and I had never had the opportunity to be an “up close” spectator despite my trying over several years.   So without too much thought, I responded “YES!”.  Costumes weren’t too hard to find (its not what you know, but who you know).  A gal at my job happened to have a “Wonder Woman” and another friend had a giant “Dopey” costume (from the famous childrens’ story “The Seven Dwarfs”) – this boy was a really big boy (about 6 foot 3 and 250), but it fit him perfectly (although people along the parade route thought he was Santa!).  I am so happy I have great friends willing to let me borrow…

In terms of the “date plan”, we were supposed to be at the Parade by 5:00.  He didn’t pick me up until 5:00 (he had to go to his gym first) – already lateness is never a good sign, but I donned Wonder Woman (see picture) and off we went.  This is where road rage instantly became apparent.  He was on the tail of every car we approached along the Saw Mill Parkway, flashing his headlights at the cars in front of us and cursing up a storm.  I was so shocked that I was contemplating taking the train for the return trip home.  Once we got to the City, he had to drive all over to find street parking (couldn’t park in a garage, Mr. “Cheap” Lawyer) making us very late for the parade.  Then, as we ran through the City streets, he was pushing people and cursing and behaving very aggressively.  I was horrified.

We did finally make it to the Bat Mobile which was already half way though the Parade route. I’m pleased to report that I happily participated in the Parade – see the picture.  His friends LOVED me in my Wonder Woman outfit and were so nice to me, they told me to “get in” their Bat Mobile while Mr. “Road Rager” got stuck walking.  He also go stuck hearing from the crowd “Hi Santa!” – it was so funny that Dopey really did look like Santa.  I had the time of my life.  Waving to the crowd, laughing with his friends, getting onto NY1 news 🙂

Sadly, I did decide to ride home with him and his road rage was even worse!  Needless to say, I thanked him for a great time and never saw him again.  The lesson learned for all of you “daters” is:  NEVER DATE A ROAD RAGER.  I must confess I tried out a longer relationship with one too and IT NEVER WORKS.  Road rage behaviors speak volumes about a boy/man’s character…trust me on this one – BE DONE!  But always have fun dating (see the picture)  Thanks for listening…

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Internet dating: NEVER take it personally…

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Hi again.  Taking a moment to write about what it is like to date the boy/man that you REALLY like and he either:  1.  doesn’t call after your first date with him  2.  grants you a second date and vanishes after this date  3.  grants you a third date or more, seems super into you and then vanishes….  All of these scenarios must lead to the same conclusion:  DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY!

I have MUCH experience in this department and what I have learned is that boy/men are extremely transparent.  It boils down to what you see is what you get.  As women, we have the tendency to over think, read into, analyze and get “hyper” emotional in our dating boy/men.    I KNOW BECAUSE I DO ALL OF ABOVE.  This is why my distance running is so attractive to me.  I run long distances with other women who are so willing and patient with me when I discuss my dating.  These wonderful women allow me to “vent” about boy/men vanishing.  After venting, I come up with same conclusion every time:  BOY/MEN VANISHING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME – IT IS DATING!

I have always been told “when you meet the right one you will know”…I AM A BELIEVER.  So until this glorious  “one fine date”, it is all about dating.  Meeting people, not meeting the “one”, dating many, not meeting the “ones”.  I have always said “if the right one were easy to find, he wouldn’t be the right one”.  BELIEVE IT!

And have fun with your dating.  Years ago, my friend’s brother said “Leslie, it’s a numbers game” – SO YES, still know that God will provide me with what I need until I’m ready to cash in on the “big win” in this numbers game.  The unconditional love from my family and friends directly leads me to “carry on”.

“The race is not always to the swift but to those who keep on running” – so if you have a few dates with that PERFECT “boy/man” and if you feel he is “the one” and then he vanishes try not to feel the hurt for too long.  It does hurt.  Vent to your girlfriends for healing. It is OK!  He is not the one! Just pull up those boot straps and keep on dating…You need to be “in it to win it”.

Enough said – Happy Presidents’ Day – just had a lovely 6 mile run with a spiritual friend who inspired me to write…

Why I insist on my local coffee shop for internet dating first meet up

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Hi again.  A week has gone by and enough time to think about my next topic – I have become a strict advocate for the “first time internet meet up” at my local favorite coffee shop.  Without risking promoting a particular company I will say that I visit my local very popular coffee shop daily as they have a drive through window (the only one of its kind in my local county) and I love them SO MUCH I often refer to them as my “drive through drug dealer” as I love my coffee (a little too much), but I will not digress as my blogging is about “boy addiction” and not “coffee addiction” although I am quite certain I can write an entire book on my coffee addiction too…

So I often get asked “why coffee” for my first internet dates.  Since I have so much experience on first date meet ups, I am TOTALLY clear as to why meeting for coffee for a first internet date is an absolute necessity for a woman – so BOYS and  MEN who read this – take note:

1.  NOTHING good ever comes out of first meet ups involving alcohol.  Women – a little alcohol in your system and come on…admit it…you let your guard down.  Boys and men know this.  Boys take advantage of this while men respect this.  BUT you  have no idea who you are meeting and letting your guard down with a stranger only leads to “stranger danger” -trust me – your parents will agree and will be happy that I am promoting your safety.  Please allow me to give you a few examples.  Example A:  read my previous blog – I let my guard down with wine on my lonely Memorial Day weekend and met that crazy SUBMISSIVE!  Several of you have asked me why I didn’t walk out of that date right away – blame it on the wine.  Feeling loose and silly, I kept the convo. going…   Example B:  I once met a guy at a lovely place with a fire and LOADS of romantic atmosphere (dark with mood music) and after a glass of wine (he rudely had 2 and allowed me to sit there with my empty glass and never offered a 2nd) – when we got out into the parking  lot at the end of his 2 drinks, he went in for a make out!!!  A MAKE OUT ON A FIRST MEET UP – GROSS!!!!  – needless to say that was the first and the last date for him.

2.  Coffee is perfect for the boy/man and the woman !  Boys/men, please thank me on this point.  You get to an expensive place, pay $14 per glass of wine in most nice bars in this county, and you know as soon as you meet her this is a one time meet up.  I JUST SAVED YOU A LOT OF $ by insisting on coffee!!!!   You know if you offer an appetizer at the expensive bar, most women with always eat and spend your $.  Women – you don’t really want him spending a lot of dough on you if you don’t ever want to see him again.  Most of you will feel guilty – most of you, although I realize not all.

3.  AN HOUR IS PERFECT!  I always say a cup of coffee date takes an hour.  Women, how often are you on a first meet up and want to escape.  You want your girlfriend to call you and get you out of there on an emergency.  By declaring an hour over a cup of coffee means you can “suck up” an hour with someone.  I must admit, with some of the boy/men I’ve met internet dating even an hour feels like torture, but I am acutely aware that an hour is survivable so I sit tight and smile knowing the end is in sight.

The good news is that if you choose a coffee place and insist on an hour, if you actually hit it off and he wants to take you to dinner and you are digging him, you can say YES!  Best to plan your 1 hour coffee meet ups around 5 or 6 because that free dinner may be in sight…

Enough said …thanks for reading…more to come next week while I’m busy  writing me “tell all” book”:  Tales of a Boy Addict.

My most interesting date ever

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Hi there!  Thank you for your feedback.  As promised, here is my most interesting date ever:

I am currently internet dating – this is not a secret to many in my life.  I do believe it is the only way for me to meet men as I am in circles both in my day job and in my hobbies that involve almost all women.    I am out there about internet dating because I believe truthful sharing helps others who are “in my boat”.  Those of you familiar with addiction recovery programs know the expression “you are only as sick as your secrets”.  So in an attempt to be as healthy as possible, here comes THE TRUTH – Plus Gramma Ruth always told me “many a truth is said in jest” and I do believe this is a funny one.  As do the women I run with.  So here goes…

I was lonely, very lonely (never good for a boy addict) and Memorial Weekend was approaching – the dreaded long weekend as a single, middle aged lonely chick.  A good friend of mine said “Leslie, please stop internet dating” and I promised her I would because she was tired of hearing about all the strange people I was meeting.  But a lonely long weekend was fast approaching and his picture looked cute and he sounded sarcastic – like me.

What I have learned as a result of going on this particular date is that when I am reading boy’s profiles on internet dating sites, what I perceive as sarcasm may actually simply be truth and I need try to read as concretely as possible.   He wrote in his profile how he longed to cook and vacuum and do laundry for the woman he meets.  He wrote in an e-mail to me  “just think Leslie, if we hit it off I can cook and clean and dress up for you”.  I jokingly responded that I needed someone to cook and clean for me and I was looking forward to our meet up.  I pretty much ignored the “dress up” part.

Well, when I walked into the NY City wine bar, he was the only one in there.  Did I mention it was Friday night of Memorial Day Weekend?  Those of you who know NY City know that the City clears out on this night – loads of free street parking!  YIPEE!  But I knew he was odd, nose in a book, not looking up, wearing an odd looking hat.  I actually went into the bathroom and prayed (big spiritual believer here) and asked out loud “please God, let it not be him”, but as I walked out of the bathroom back into the restaurant I heard “hi Leslie” and I knew I found the right boy.

As I sat down he informed me he had multiple food allergies and could only drink wine and eat the yam fries.  All good, I’m not fussy.  Next he informed me that his mother had suffered from “Stockholm Syndrome” – I am aware this is a sad condition in which the victim becomes infatuated and obsessed and in great need of the perpetrator who is an abuser to the victim.  Sadly he shared with me (within the first five minutes of meeting him) that his father was extremely abusive to his mother and he is still in therapy over this.  Well, ok then.  The conversation went on and by the time I was finishing my wine, I was feeling pretty relaxed.  It was summer and I wore a dress with sandals that included a heel.  As he stared at my feet he asked the question “do those heels make you feel powerful?”.  All I could think to say as I looked at my legs was “yes, I love the way my calves look in heels”.  I took it a step further by stating “in fact I like the way calves look so much in heels I used to make my ex boyfriend put on my heels just so I could admire his calves (I really did this and he complied).

Well, upon saying this, his eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning and he proclaimed “you like this, you really like this?  My therapist said I would meet someone like you one day”!  From the excited look on his face, I knew I had opened a whole can of worms I hadn’t anticipated and with this he quickly asked, “Do you think you could be my dominant?  This means when you get home from work at night I would be there cleaning your kitchen for you and scrubbing your floors and you could beat me if I am bad?  Could you really do this for me?”  I must admit, after the wine, I sat there for about 30 seconds and fantasized about what it might be like to beat on this boy – all the years of bad relationships, this could be my perfect revenge – however I quickly snapped out of it and responded in all truthfulness “you know, as much as the idea sounds appealing it just simply is not for me.  I am so sorry”.   I then told him  “You see I’m more the kind who likes jerks  who are not so  nice to me.  And although I’m working hard to change this about myself, this would be too much of an extreme change in thinking for me”.

With that, he quickly “deflated” and his eyes sunk inward making him look sad and dejected.  Then he asked since we would not be boyfriend and girlfriend and we would be friends and when he is out with friends they go “Dutch” would I please pay for my half of the wine and yam fries?  Needless to say I happily complied.  He was good enough to say goodbye politely and I (with all due respect) said to him that his therapist was right and there would be a woman out there willing to give him what he is looking for one day.  I do sincerely believe he will find a woman for himself.   After all, my friend’s Mom always said there is a lid for every pot.  I do believe my lid is out there too.

And with that, as I drove away, despite my promise to my friend to no longer internet date, she was the first one I called to share my story.  How could I not?  It was just so interesting…

Please continue to share …and I will continue to write my book “Tales of a Boy Addict” – this kind of dialog is very inspiring and I thank you…

Stay tuned…. more to come

Are you single, dating, and boy (man) addicted? If you answered “yes” – Hi, my name is Leslie H.

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Here I sit, in my introduction to blogging class at the Hudson Valley Writers’ Center in Sleepy Hollow, NY pondering my addiction to boys and why I decided to blog about it. I currently have written 3 chapters in my book on my chosen topic of “boy” addiction. My hope for this blog is to generate interest and truth telling on this topic. Ironically, as I sit inside this Center, I realize that my 14 mile run from my home takes me right by this location and yet I never knew I would come here for a blogging class. Thanks to a woman at my church and my discussion of my writing a book, here I sit. No coincidences!

Running has become a central part of my life for many reasons including fitness, health, weight maintenance and soul searching. But I have discovered while running with amazing and powerful women and discussing my dating life with them, THEY LOVE MY STORIES. I think my running partners gravitate toward me for my willingness to share turthfully. And the bottom line is they seem to love my dating stories. If nothing else, they are so entertaining. All kinds of crazy stories I am willing to share because all good addicts know “we are only as sick as our secrets” – so bring on the truth and the healing!

And on another note, I am choosing “boy” addiction over “man” addiction because a very close friend of mine has pointed out to me that I have never dated a “man” but only “boys”. Since I cannot argue with her, I have embraced the term “boy” to define my addiction.

And finally, if you are a member of the opposite sex and you are still reading this – WELCOME! If you have not disappeared by now I dare to say you are a “man” and you stand to learn much from the truth telling I hope to provide on this blog. So stay tuned….Let the dating games begin…

Feel free to share any stories you may have too – your thoughts and ideas on boy addiction will inspire my sharing… Really hope to hear from you…

As a start, tell me about the most unusual date you ever had…In my next post, I plan to tell you mine! I promise it to be VERY ENTERTAINING…