Hi there! Thank you for your feedback. As promised, here is my most interesting date ever:
I am currently internet dating – this is not a secret to many in my life. I do believe it is the only way for me to meet men as I am in circles both in my day job and in my hobbies that involve almost all women. I am out there about internet dating because I believe truthful sharing helps others who are “in my boat”. Those of you familiar with addiction recovery programs know the expression “you are only as sick as your secrets”. So in an attempt to be as healthy as possible, here comes THE TRUTH – Plus Gramma Ruth always told me “many a truth is said in jest” and I do believe this is a funny one. As do the women I run with. So here goes…
I was lonely, very lonely (never good for a boy addict) and Memorial Weekend was approaching – the dreaded long weekend as a single, middle aged lonely chick. A good friend of mine said “Leslie, please stop internet dating” and I promised her I would because she was tired of hearing about all the strange people I was meeting. But a lonely long weekend was fast approaching and his picture looked cute and he sounded sarcastic – like me.
What I have learned as a result of going on this particular date is that when I am reading boy’s profiles on internet dating sites, what I perceive as sarcasm may actually simply be truth and I need try to read as concretely as possible. He wrote in his profile how he longed to cook and vacuum and do laundry for the woman he meets. He wrote in an e-mail to me “just think Leslie, if we hit it off I can cook and clean and dress up for you”. I jokingly responded that I needed someone to cook and clean for me and I was looking forward to our meet up. I pretty much ignored the “dress up” part.
Well, when I walked into the NY City wine bar, he was the only one in there. Did I mention it was Friday night of Memorial Day Weekend? Those of you who know NY City know that the City clears out on this night – loads of free street parking! YIPEE! But I knew he was odd, nose in a book, not looking up, wearing an odd looking hat. I actually went into the bathroom and prayed (big spiritual believer here) and asked out loud “please God, let it not be him”, but as I walked out of the bathroom back into the restaurant I heard “hi Leslie” and I knew I found the right boy.
As I sat down he informed me he had multiple food allergies and could only drink wine and eat the yam fries. All good, I’m not fussy. Next he informed me that his mother had suffered from “Stockholm Syndrome” – I am aware this is a sad condition in which the victim becomes infatuated and obsessed and in great need of the perpetrator who is an abuser to the victim. Sadly he shared with me (within the first five minutes of meeting him) that his father was extremely abusive to his mother and he is still in therapy over this. Well, ok then. The conversation went on and by the time I was finishing my wine, I was feeling pretty relaxed. It was summer and I wore a dress with sandals that included a heel. As he stared at my feet he asked the question “do those heels make you feel powerful?”. All I could think to say as I looked at my legs was “yes, I love the way my calves look in heels”. I took it a step further by stating “in fact I like the way calves look so much in heels I used to make my ex boyfriend put on my heels just so I could admire his calves (I really did this and he complied).
Well, upon saying this, his eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning and he proclaimed “you like this, you really like this? My therapist said I would meet someone like you one day”! From the excited look on his face, I knew I had opened a whole can of worms I hadn’t anticipated and with this he quickly asked, “Do you think you could be my dominant? This means when you get home from work at night I would be there cleaning your kitchen for you and scrubbing your floors and you could beat me if I am bad? Could you really do this for me?” I must admit, after the wine, I sat there for about 30 seconds and fantasized about what it might be like to beat on this boy – all the years of bad relationships, this could be my perfect revenge – however I quickly snapped out of it and responded in all truthfulness “you know, as much as the idea sounds appealing it just simply is not for me. I am so sorry”. I then told him “You see I’m more the kind who likes jerks who are not so nice to me. And although I’m working hard to change this about myself, this would be too much of an extreme change in thinking for me”.
With that, he quickly “deflated” and his eyes sunk inward making him look sad and dejected. Then he asked since we would not be boyfriend and girlfriend and we would be friends and when he is out with friends they go “Dutch” would I please pay for my half of the wine and yam fries? Needless to say I happily complied. He was good enough to say goodbye politely and I (with all due respect) said to him that his therapist was right and there would be a woman out there willing to give him what he is looking for one day. I do sincerely believe he will find a woman for himself. After all, my friend’s Mom always said there is a lid for every pot. I do believe my lid is out there too.
And with that, as I drove away, despite my promise to my friend to no longer internet date, she was the first one I called to share my story. How could I not? It was just so interesting…
Please continue to share …and I will continue to write my book “Tales of a Boy Addict” – this kind of dialog is very inspiring and I thank you…
Stay tuned…. more to come