Those of you who know me well, know spirituality is a big part of my life. I feel compelled today to blog about a specific story in my internet dating life where I felt that being a “good person” and caring for the “soul” I am on the date brought positive energy back to me. (called the “mirror effect” in many spiritual teachings – basically – you get back the energy you give out).
So here is my story: I knew instantly that our meet up wasn’t a love connection when I walked into my local favorite coffee shop (the one with the drive-through that I frequent daily – my “drive through drug dealer” – for my caffeine high). I knew because he was already sitting down with his “Venti” in front of him as I came in and recognized him immediately. A boy/man buying his coffee and sitting down is a major “dating don’t” for me especially when I texted him that I arrived “on time”. I feel it is the boy/man’s duty to be ready to buy the woman a cup of coffee as she walks into the shop. It is chivalrous (and chivalry is attractive women!). Clearly, this boy/man had failed my “second date potential” test. And failed badly. For as I sat down in front of him for over an awkward minute or two of silence, he never stood up to make a move to buy me a cup. NOTHING. As I sat across from him, looking at him, waiting for him to buy me a cup (which he never did), I couldn’t help but noticed he had a twitch. A pretty bad one that was quite obvious and a bit uncomfortable. His movement in his face was so “jerky” that is almost made me feel the impulse to mimic him quite unintentionally. It was powerful. And I thought a bit sad for him perhaps. But he was attractive. And smart.
And as I walked to the counter to buy my own cup of coffee, I thought to myself “under normal circumstances Leslie, it is wrong that he didn’t get up and buy you a cup and you should just walk out of this shop and leave him alone, but if you walk out of this shop right now, he will think it is because of his “disability” and for me, it really wasn’t. It was about a boy/man being polite and treating a woman like a woman. So I bought myself a “Grande” and sat back down in front of him.
And we had an engaging conversation. Not enough to convince me that I wanted to go out with him again, but a nice conversation. Nice enough, that he did text me a few days later and ask me out for a second cup of coffee!!! LOL (normally, should be dinner – but I thought perhaps he planned to buy my “Grande” this time). Upon reading his text, I took a deep breathe and prayed that God would give me the courage to be truth telling and text him back in all honesty. So I did. I texted the following:
“Hi John Doe! Thank you for your invitation for another cup of coffee, however I feel we are not a match. I must be honest and explain that I believe on a first date, the man should always buy the woman a cup of coffee. I found this to be a big turn off for me and I just cannot get past it. I am telling you just as friendly advice for future dating. You are an attractive and smart man and I wish you the best in your search. Leslie”
I took another deep breathe and hit send. And you know what? Here is what I got back…
“Hi Leslie. Thank you. It was nice to meet you too. I appreciate your honesty and advice and I will absolutely take it into consideration for my future dating. Best of luck to you. John Doe”
I was amazed! A positive outcome. Dating is fun. And kindness matters. Be good to the soul you go out with and take your time…
YOU ARE DATING STRANGERS, but we learn from every soul we come into contact with. Thanks for reading. Happy Sunday.