I want to start today’s blog by thanking my “man” friend of over 20 years, Mike, for inspiring me to tackle this most uncomfortable topic. Mike urged me this past week to explain to him “what is hot” in a “boy/man”. To respond the Mike’s question superficially, it is easy to say things like “he has good cheek bones” or “strong arms” or “tall”, but for a “boy addict” such as myself, trying to explain “hot” goes to a much deeper level. It’s like asking an alcoholic to explain why their drink of choice tastes “so good”, or asking a drug addict why their next fix is so attractive and “needed”. But I think it important to “dive” into Mike’s question, so here goes:
I could write for hours, Mike, on the topic of what you call “hot”, but instead of going on and on, I promise you will be one of the first to receive a copy of my book. Here are some “teasers” for you, before I publish. “Boy hotness” involves self destructive qualities for me to include such toxic things like “emotional unavailability in my relationship with the boy” and “self sacrifice to include damaging my health (both mental and physical) for the sake of a boy”.
I did my first “public” reading this week from my book “Tales of a Boy Addict”. When I got up to the microphone and described that I am a self proclaimed “boy addict” two men in the audience immediately proclaimed out loud that they are “boys”. When I was done reading, one gentleman approached me to tell me that when I am done with “boys”, he is a man! While I enjoyed the commentary, I realized the need to explain my addiction on a deeper level.
For me, “boy” addiction is about “needing” that member of the opposite sex to feel whole in my life. In fact, the need is so powerful that I have “settled” for so many “boys” in my past, that I’m able to easily write an entire book on my “boy” stories. Since addiction is transferable, many of you know I’m currently a running addict and I can tell you quite simply that when I crossed the finish line after my first marathon, my immediate thought was “I did all of this work to cross this finish line and it didn’t involve a member of the opposite sex in any way, it was all me!” For me, in my life, this was a first. I had found a passion that didn’t involve a boy/man. And I continue to love my running.
As I age more deeply into my “middle years”, I am truly getting more comfortable in my own skin and in my own life. It would be nice to finally “meet the man” who compliments me and doesn’t necessarily need to “fill my needy holes in my soul”. Deep stuff, I know.
So thanks MIke…To be continued….have a great Sunday and enjoy the birth of spring….