“What is Hot?'” – perspectives from a self proclaimed “boy addict”

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I want to start today’s blog by thanking my “man” friend of over 20 years, Mike, for inspiring me to tackle this most uncomfortable topic.  Mike urged me this past week to explain to him “what is hot” in a “boy/man”.  To respond the Mike’s question superficially, it is easy to say things like “he has good cheek bones” or “strong arms” or “tall”, but for a “boy addict” such as myself, trying to explain “hot” goes to a much deeper level.  It’s like asking an alcoholic to explain why their drink of choice tastes “so good”, or asking a drug addict why their next fix is so attractive and “needed”.  But I think it important to “dive” into Mike’s question, so here goes:

I could write for hours, Mike, on the topic of what you call “hot”, but instead of going on and on, I promise you will be one of the first to receive a copy of my book.  Here are some “teasers” for you, before I publish.  “Boy hotness” involves self destructive qualities for me to  include such toxic things like “emotional unavailability in my relationship with the boy” and  “self sacrifice to include damaging my health (both mental and physical)  for the sake of a boy”.

I did my first “public” reading this week from my book “Tales of a Boy Addict”.  When I got up to the microphone and described that I am a self proclaimed “boy addict” two men in the audience immediately proclaimed out loud that they are “boys”.  When I was done reading, one gentleman approached me to tell me that when I am done with “boys”, he is a man!  While I enjoyed the commentary, I realized the need to explain my addiction on a deeper level.

For me, “boy” addiction is about “needing” that member of the opposite sex to feel whole in my life.  In fact, the need is so powerful that I have “settled” for so many “boys” in my past, that I’m able to easily write an entire book on my “boy”  stories.  Since addiction is transferable, many of you know I’m currently a running addict and I can tell you quite simply that when I crossed the finish line after my first marathon, my immediate thought was “I did all of this work to cross this finish line and it didn’t involve a member of the opposite sex in any way, it was all me!”  For me, in my life, this was a first.  I had found a passion that didn’t involve a boy/man.  And I continue to love my running.

As I age more deeply into my “middle years”, I am truly getting more comfortable in my own skin and in my own life.  It would be nice to finally “meet the man” who compliments me and doesn’t necessarily need to “fill my needy holes in my soul”.  Deep stuff, I know.

So thanks MIke…To be continued….have a great Sunday and enjoy the birth of spring….

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7 thoughts on ““What is Hot?'” – perspectives from a self proclaimed “boy addict”

  1. Elena

    Another thought: I think the “real” issues are: (and I include myself big time) — Addiction = distraction. If we get all caught up in our drama — with this unavailable person, then cycle into self pity and emotional masochism then we AVOID dealing with true INTIMACY. Fake intimacy (pining, longing etc… so much more familiar and comfortable — knowing deep in our psyche — this boy–this situation will end and we can AVOID having to face ourselves. I know this all too well

  2. Mike

    I just asked a simple question and it has turned out to be this long philosophical verse. Just for the record this was not necessarily aimed at you Les but for all the single middle aged women out there who are searching for their Juan Pablo. fact is–it is ALL about YOU ladies. the old cliche you have to love yourself first before you can love someone else and be loved in return comes into play here. As a frustrated “nice man” I have never figured out why women always say they want to meet a “nice” guy and then when they do–they run for the hills. What does the modern middle-aged woman find attractive in the male species? that was the question. simple and direct. be honest. no philosophy 101. what are you attracted to ladies ? what do you want ? what are you searching for ? if you find yourself attracted to eye candy, muscles, hair style, a hot tattoo, he drives a motorcycle, he likes to go to karaoke, he plays in a band…you know superficial stuff then you are gonna wind up with a “boy”. that’s not to say a man cannot have a tattoo or play in a band or whatever–but it goes beyond just hanging out in a bar doing jello shots. why can’t a guy who is stable, has a real job, belongs to and attends a place of worship, has moral values, appreciates family–and for the single middle aged mom–enjoys and interacts well with children…why can’t that be considered hot ? Aren’t those things more important ? that is how a “man” behaves. if you are attracted to those types of qualities then you will probably find your “man”. Again, this is a LARGE generalization–there is no side A of the menu–the cute rebel guy who you will date for 6 months until a hotter, younger chick with bigger tits comes along and he either cheats on you or dumps you all together…or side B of the menu where you choose a more conservative type (not talking politically) who is great with kids, likes church, is family oriented and treats you well–and yes–buys you coffee at the coffee shop. there is no “perfect” man/boy so stop dreaming he is out there–HE IS NOT. but you are not perfect either—the question is…are you perfect for each other–that’s what intimacy is all about—(OK full disclosure–i stole that line from “good will hunting” LOL-Love that movie) all men you meet will be a combination of menu A and menu B–but you get the point–you have to face your fears and fess up to why you are afraid to be with menu B guy–what holds you back from menu B guy–assuming–in our fictional world where all guys are either A or B–that is the guy you would choose…or if deep down you really want a menu A guy–then fess up and say–i am attracted to a menu A guy–and not be fearful that you are “superficial”. maybe that’s what you want. there is no right or wrong answer but fess up to what you want. maybe you want to be like one of the “sex and the city” girls where the most important things are pocketbooks, shoes and getting laid–that pairs up well with the menu A guy–who is to judge ? the choice is yours but own up to what you want. OK i’m rambling on here–time for me to stop. discuss among yourselves-LOL.

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