Happy Sunday. I’ve been thinking about this one a lot this past week as someone at my job shared with me that she hates being alone. She hates it so much, that she talks to people on her commute home from work when she is alone in her car. I’m not sure she is a boy addict, but in hearing her I have thought about my own life and what a struggle it is for me to be with myself and to enjoy my own company. So I suspect for myself this is a symptom of my boy addiction.
During one of my more recent longer term relationships, there was literally complete emotional neglect from him in terms of my feelings. I finally pulled up my “big girl panties” and got the courage to tell him I’d rather be alone than feel this neglect. This was super hard for me as our relationship had a “routine” and I was terrified to break this routine. (I’m finding in my middle years I love routines). He totally never understood what I was trying to tell him about needing more sensitivity toward my feelings. His ego was way too large and in his mind “why would any woman not want to be with him?”. Trust me, he lived far away and was a ton of work including tolls and gas money. I was doing myself a huge favor by leaving.
I am grateful to him today because he taught me that my alone time has allowed me to grow and evolve into a more self actualized human being who actually loves herself. I take care of my mind, soul, and body even more than in the past. I ran 18 miles today as a “run walk” which felt really good on my joints, I recently lost 15 pound on my calorie counting program, I sing in my church choir, I take vitamins and drink loads of water and eat healthy (love to cook) and I volunteer to help others (along with doing it at my job caring for sick and elderly people). I began writing to be “in my own head” more and I must say I LOVE IT. The feedback I’m getting is so inspiring, keeps me going.
I’m doing so much with my life that I BARELY miss the boy. But I must admit (as this is truth-telling) that I still crave the boy. Perhaps when my craving comes to a complete end, the man will “appear”? What do you think?
Thanks for reading. Hope you have a wonderful week spent with some “you” time….