Why running marathons better than dating…

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Happy Sunday. I had the joy of running the NJ full marathon today with my roommate who beat me by an hour. But I broke 5 hours and it has been awhile since I have done this, so I’m pleased. And tired. But I am making sure to write this blog tonight before I “crash”. It is Sunday. I have made this commitment.

And since marathons inspire me, I thought today’s topic very appropriate for the day.
You see, the first time I crossed that finish line at the NY City Marathon in 2010, I quickly realized that this was an accomplishment and celebration of me and HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH A BOY. I got across that finish line on my own and am now happy to say I have crossed nine and plan to keep on running…

Why? Because running a marathon is so much more gratifying than dating for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m dating to the best of my ability and keeping a positive spirit. But its so hard and SO EMOTIONAL at the end of they day. There are the boys you like, who don’t like you. There are the boys who like you, who you don’t like. There are the “quick to want to jump into bed boys”, the “down low” gay boys, the “cheap boys”, the mentally unstable boys, the emotionally numb boys, the “mommy complex” boys, the boys who say they are “separated” but still share a house with their wives, and boys who want to wear high heels (had to throw that one in – if you don’t know what I’m referring too please scroll down to “My most interesting date ever”).

Marathons involve waking early, sweating a lot, pain, work, training and a lot of endurance, but you get to meet cool healthy unconditionally loving people who choose healthy lives (for the most part) – and you get neat metals and bagels at the finish (and beer in a good marathon). And you receive the satisfaction of knowing that hard training reaps tremendous rewards.

So perhaps I’m a “dater in training” who has just not “run the marathon” of dating as of yet. But I know “slow and steady wins the race”, so off I go…

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for next Sundays blog…

The boy who didn’t want just coffee….

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Happy Sunday and Happy Easter. This is a powerful day in the lives of Christians for it is a reminder that a “man” (and yes, Jesus was a real “man”) died out of unconditional love to save all souls and set the most powerful example that will ever be…

But today’s blog is “about a boy”. This past week I met yet another “boy”. You see, after a first or second date it becomes very apparent with a “boy” when he is not interested in a cup of coffee. YES, you now catch my drift. I am talking about the boy who wants “only one thing”…

Now certainly there is nothing wrong with “one thing” and as a relationship grows there is a time and a place for “one thing”, but dating in mid-life, as strong and smart women, I think we can all agree we want to be known for our minds and hearts before we even think about that “one thing”.

I met him on the “net” and was most excited as he was a published author and I felt I could “pick his brain” about the world of writing. But I could quickly tell that his interest was not in my brain. How can we tell women?

1. He is looking more at my body than listening to my words. I noticed a lack of interest in my conversation and an intense visual “groping” at the rest of me.

2. He makes references to the “one thing” a little too much during our conversation.

3. He asks very little questions about me, who I am, what I am about. The conversation continuously goes to “all about him”.

4. He “pounces” for physicality at the end of the date.

My advice…If you think he is emotionally stable enough, give him a little encouragement and then send him packing at the end of the date. Don’t toy with someone you think is too unstable…Just get out (family or friend emergency can get you out of there fast). Remind him you could be his sister or his mother and that you would want a man to treat women he cares about with respect. Honestly, I get so angry toward boys who behave this way on early dates, but I understand that the “net” is a breeding ground for these types.

My final words to this boy, right before he got out of my car (frustrated, I’m proud to say) was “slow and steady wins the race”.

Back to resting my piraformis. NJ full in one week.

Thank you for reading and have a blessed holy day! HE LIVES!!!!

No photo, no date…

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Happy Sunday…I did a 20 miler yesterday and have a sore hip (in preparation for my NJ full marathon in 2 weeks) so I decided to keep today’s blog very brief and to the point. (a friend of mine who blogs, said “brief is good”)

So here goes….calling all boy addicts who internet date…If the boy has no photo posted DO NOT ENGAGE HIM! NOTHING. He’s got something to hide…most likely he’s married.

My favorite story is the ONE time I answered a “no photo boy” and of course asked him to send a picture, I got a picture of his arm around his son with his wedding band still on! Not sure why, but I gave him a “heads up”, informing him that next time he should remove that “band” before sending a photo to a woman on the net. Looking back, he really didn’t deserve this advice.

Women, if you are dating on the net and you are public about it with your photo and your profile exposed for all boy/men to view, don’t go for the one who is “in hiding”. And even with public photos, there are MANY in “hiding”…why start off on the “wrong foot”? Nough said…

Thanks for reading and enjoy this warmth…FINALLY a glorious day…get off the net and enjoy the sun!

Boy addiction comes with positive transferable skills…

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“Sunday Fun Day” and time to blog.  As I sit in my best friend’s apartment overlooking the gorgeous field and blue sky out her window, I contemplate the good side of boy addiction….

I just explained to her that when I worked for the Career Office in college we spoke of “transferable skills” for resume writing.  For example, if you are a strong communicator, get that on your resume.  Your verbal prowess will be a transferable skill in your professional life, so write this down.

Now that I am a self-proclaimed “boy addict”, I need to “own” the positive aspects of my addiction and point them out, as I’m sure this will help those reading…so here goes:

1.  I have incredible ability to commit and stick too what I am seeking.  Boys….those of you with whom I have had relationships in my past,  know that I am a very determined and committed woman.  I will drive miles and miles, take care of you and your children, sacrifice my time and my sleep, get all into your life and try to help to the point of “saving” you.  In fact, I am certain that after I ended my past relationships, all of the boys that I have been in relationship with have gotten better lives as a result of having me in their lives.  FACT!  SO, for Leslie, I have learned to transfer this ability to “commit and stick too” to my running addiction.  I am up and out of bed most mornings at 5:30 a.m. as I am committed to my training for marathons (one coming at the end of April).  I am committed to caring for my elderly and frail clients at my job – they come first at work and I am able to positively impact lives every day.  A blessing!  I am committed to my friends and try every day to give to them (but always fear they give way more to me – and my family) – WHAT A BLESSING!

2.  I love a routine.  I have stayed with boys way too long knowing I wasn’t getting my needs met because routine is SO important to me.  The older I get, the more I value the importance of the routine.  The healthy routine for me is working…good food, good sleep, good communication, good prayers, etc.  Thank goodness I have learned to make time for this more with no boy/men relationships in my  life.  The challenge will be to continue with the same diligence should God present me with my man.

3.  I love to date.  Like I’ve shared, I do want to meet a man.  So I am dating.  But, dating is what it is.  A numbers game.  I am having fun not being in a relationship.  I am transferring my “boy addiction” into short spurts of letting boys know “this is not good for me” and “your drama is not my drama” and I keep it moving.

 

I am so proud of my transferable skills.   Calling all boy addicts…hope you are proud too.  Please share if you like and have a GREAT day.  Thank you for reading.