Beware of the biological clock when dating…

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free-baby-clip-art-.020I have been speaking with many women lately who have felt what I felt in our mid to late thirties. I’m referring to a powerful “biological pull” to have a baby. As a single woman in the dating world, this is a very dangerous combination which contributed to some unhealthy “boy addict” choices for me. So as I write this Sunday, and in my journey of truth-telling, I feel it important to share about my biological clock.

From age 38 to 42, the urge to have a baby was so powerful that I discovered it was painful to even see a couple pushing a baby stroller without wanting to cry. This lead me to choose boys who professed to me that they wanted to have a child. I spent way too much time and energy on boys who weren’t a match for me. They reeled me in and I let them. I gave a lot of time, energy, and finances to boys who didn’t treat me the way I deserve to be treated because I WANTED THAT BABY.

What I can tell you today is that the “biological clock pull” does diminish. Today, at age 43, I am so much better. In fact, I was at the gym the other day and witnessed a 4-year-old whining so badly to his mother that I thought “thank you Lord that is not me.” So I have made a shift!!!

I know I am not alone in this powerful feeling I am describing. Even some of my married friends who already had children and thought they were “done”, described to me feeling the urge to have a child in their mid to late thirties. What I want to emphasize is that if you are in this situation do NOT to allow the biological clock to dictate who you chose as a partner. A boy/man expressing he wants a child is very nice, but it does not determine if you and he are a “match” as a couple.

My advice, if you meet a boy/man who says he wants to have a child: FOCUS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. Ask yourself these very important question:

1. Does he respect you as the amazing woman you are?
2. Does he treat you with loving kindness?
3. Does he make you feel like the most important woman in his life?
4. Does he listen?
5. And my favorite one of all time (thank you Chiropractor Dr. P) DOES HAVING HIM AROUND MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER?

If you answered yes to all of the above questions, you might just have found a great father for the baby you are craving. If not (sadly like me) just keep on dating…

YOUR MAN IS OUT THERE…

Happy Sunday and thank you for reading.

Don’t date the muscle boy…

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Greetings and happy Sunday once again! I have had a few interesting dates with what I would refer too as “muscle boys” in these recent months. And I have found them to have some “commonalities” that I think important to share for those in the “dating world”. So here goes…

I have found “muscle boys” to be the quintessential “boys”. They are attractive, muscular (what hot blooded female doesn’t like “copping a feel” on the arms of a “strong boy”?) and “full of themselves”! I get the feeling when I am on dates with these kind of boys, they love themselves way too much to ever love a woman in the way I want to be loved. Now I know this is as HUGE generalization and certainly not all boys with muscles will fall into this category (this is a numbers game after all, and good people come in all shapes and sizes), but since I have met 2 “muscle boys” in the past few months who share the same characteristics, I thought it important to educate my dating “powerchicks” about this.

Sign #1 a muscle boy may not be good for you: They wait for you to be “all over them”. And when you are not, they get pretty upset. Both of these boys actually told me off and claimed I would be alone forever and am a “man hater” since I didn’t attack them physically and jump into bed with them. I always tell the boys I meet “slow and steady wins the race”.

Sign #2: They both accused me of being “full of myself” – well…thanks to my running partner Rose (age 63 and has completed 45 marathons) she tells me that if a boy tells me “I’m full of myself” I’m doing something very right when I’m dating. After all, it only took me 43 years to realize that in order to find “my man” it SHOULD BE ALL ABOUT ME! Why not? I’m “all that and a bag of chips”!!!!

Sign #3: They disappear fast. Both “muscle boys” disappeared “but quick” after they realized I wasn’t going to jump into bed with them. Sadly, they are on the “net” and there will be other women who will oblige them much faster than I! I just think it is so much nicer to have a boy “disappear” before you give them what they are seeking. BAH BYE!

So this is my wisdom for this week. Would I love my “man” to have muscles? OF COURSE!!!! But I will love my man more for taking his time with me and learning to love ALL OF ME – inside and out – because I’m worth it!

Happy Sunday. Thanks for reading 🙂

The value of a fake phone number for Internet dating…

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Happy Father’s Day! Having a great day with Dad. Ran a half and hiked in New Paltz on this glorious day! It is such a blessing to have such a loving Dad. Gives me hope in my dating life.

Today’s bit of advice comes from my first terrifying on-line dating encounter. I have been doing this for many years and truly have felt safe, but unfortunately, a few weeks ago, I had a disturbing second phone conversation with a TOTAL PSYCHOPATHIC CREEP!

We had a first conversation which went well. He was a financial journalist expressing his impeccable language skills and extensive experiences writing for major newspapers. I was most impressed by his obvious verbal intelligence.

On the second conversation we made our coffee date. Perhaps the conversation was dragging on as I noted his speech was becoming more delayed. I inquired “are you tired?” to which he responded “no”. I did hear clinking of ice in a glass and thought to myself he must be a drinker and I must break our date.

Before I had the chance, he asked me, and I quote “Leslie, what do you think it would be like to feel my hands on the back of your neck, with my thumbs pushing into your esophagus until you turn blue and die”. Upon hearing this I hung up the phone with the fear that this psychopath now possessed my personal cell number and could possibly find me.

The good news is, after this frightening exchange, the Internet dating site quickly removed his profile and I have not heard from him again. The EXCELLENT news is I have discovered an app for my phone which enables me to give out a fake phone number to the strangers I meet on-line (and text from it) right on my cell phone! I love my dating number as it enables me to remain private with someone until I feel safe.

With every negative experience in my life, I have learned and grown from it. I felt it important to share this information with my fellow Internet dating friends. Several of my good friends are genuinely fearful for me (and I love them dearly). I just keep reminding myself “girl, you have to be in it to win it”. So I keep on…

Happy fathers’s day and thanks again to my wonderful father who shows me every day of my life the meaning of a “real man”. Keep on dating, but DATE SAFELY! Thanks for reading…

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A story of an “old school” date…

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Happy Sunday. I was hitting a bit of a writer’s block” when I decided to share an “old school” dating story. This one was funny enough to make it onto a major NY City Radio Station about 20 years ago. You see, I am a “long time” dater. I have had plenty of “long-term relationships” over the years to include a failed “short-term” marriage. I think over the long-term I have spent more time dating than most, making me what I often refer too as a “professional dater”. If there was such a thing, I most certainly would have earned my PhD in dating by now…

So I was 23. I have 2 terrific girlfriends (who are married now, one is in London, and one lives in my town) who were my “partners in crime” in my 20’s. We relished in the notion that every weekend we would be “out in the big City”. And boy did we paint NY City red, blue and all the colors of the spectrum. On this one particular Friday night, we were invited down to the Park Avenue Country Club for an open bar event. I cannot even tell you who invited us, but I do remember the night was “on the house” so as broke “twenty somethings” we were most happy for the opportunity to drink for free. It was at this Country Club that I met him. Michael from Manhattan. A boy about 5 years older than me and very eager to take me out on a date. Due to all of this free liquor I was very well intoxicated by the end of the evening, so I agreed to a date. I lived in Thornwood, NY at the time and he was more than willing to come up from the City via Metro North and take me out on a date.

We spoke by phone a few days later and made our plan. I was to pick him up at the train station and we were to dine at the lovely chain restaurant I shall not name, but possesses a favorite day of the week in its name. I often picked this establishment in my twenties, because not having cell phones back in those days, the ladies bathroom possessed a pay phone which was most handy should I have needed to make a phone call to a girlfriend for a quick escape plan.

The big Friday night came, and as soon as I collected him off the train I knew before he even got into the car, that he wasn’t my man. After all, he wore a fake “pleather coat” with a fake fur collar! YUCK! A “fashion don’t” in those days and I’m quite sure even by today’s standards. But I decided, like I always do, to grin and bear it. The first major “no no” he did was move my gear shift in an attempt to be playful. Being a City boy, he didn’t understand how to drive a car, nor did he understand that moving my gear shift with me not paying attention, could have shifted us into neutral and made us roll back into another car. Needless to say, I firmly educated him to “never” touch my gear shift. He got the message.

At the restaurant, I was ready to go home. I decided to order something fast and simple so I could get him back on that train as soon as possible (why coffee dates are so much better as I have learned). I ordered a pasta and a glass of water (in those days my entire bill probably came to about $10). He ordered steak and shrimp and 2 strong drinks. Clearly he was having a better time than me, taking his time on the meal. I almost made my “get a way” phone call in the lady’s room when the check finally arrived at the table. Upon seeing the check, I quickly handed him a $20 bill and stated “this is all I have”. Now as you know, if I hand a boy money for the bill on a first date, I am most definitely not interested in seeing him again and I most definitely did not want him paying for my meal thinking we were going to see each other again. And I was quite certain that by stating “this is all I have” that I would get a $10 bill change from him. NOPE! He took my $20 and put it in his wallet. He said “thank you”. That was that!

So I quickly deposited him at the train and never saw him again. However a few months later, a major NY City radio station was advertising for “worst dating stories”. I couldn’t help myself. I called and told the story and when the DJ put it on the air, he yelled out “Michael, in Manhattan, give Leslie her $20 back ya cheap bastard!!!!” I did record this on an audio cassette tape and believe it is still in the bowels of my closet in a box somewhere.

So remember women, keep your money in your purse…Unless you REALLY don’t like him….Keep small bills on hand…never expect change.

Hope you are enjoying this gorgeous weekend. Thanks for reading…

Why I need my female friends to survive dating…

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Les and Jean GermanyHappy gorgeous Sunday! I am back from my London trip today and cannot help but think about why I need my female friends in order to survive dating as a single woman. I informed my dear London friend (who has been in my life for over 20 years) that I must blog about her, and all of my wonderfully supportive female friends, when I return back to NY. This trip was completely about quality time and travel with an amazing woman friend (not a girl). Thanks to her husband and mother, I had the opportunity to “steal” her away from her family for a few days, and tour around Berlin with her for a real “female” escape.

You see this friend, along with numerous other TERRIFIC girlfriends that I am blessed to have, has literally saved me from myself and my incessant “over thinking” and “over analyzing” when I date boy/men. I could go on for pages and pages as to the ways in which women help me, but I will keep this brief and simply highlight the most important reasons my friends enable me to survive and keep on dating…

Female friends give unconditional love. No doubt about it. If your friends make you feel special and worthy – KEEP THEM! If they do not, LOSE THEM! My London friend always makes me feel #1 in her book. And her daughters’ think I’m a “rock star” (I do make music videos with them just to maintain this “status”).

Female friends will listen to your “crazy dating stories” for hours and hours. My London friend has been listening to my “rants” and “analyses” of boy/men for what I would assume to be thousands of hours. If she ever gave me her “bill” I would certainly go bankrupt. But she NEVER complains and ALWAYS listens with a loving, positive and supportive ear. She doesn’t judge and teaches me how to be patient and kind to myself.

Female friends will encourage you to take your mind off your dating troubles. Nothing like a “girls night” out on the town to take your mind off needing that boy/man. My London friend was so happy to hit the “Berlin Brauhaus” for some of the most delicious beers and deep conversations that I hardly even noticed a boy/man during my whole trip (however, one bartender in particular was rather “cute” – but I digress…)

GREAT female friends will never leave you. This I know for a fact. My London friend has been there for me consistently through the good times and the bad. It never matters to her that she has a husband and 2 daughters when I am around. She simply makes me feel “part of the family”. In fact, all of my great female friends always make me feel included. And they often feed me and provide me with drink. You know, the single life really isn’t so bad.

THANKS TO MY POWERCHICKS! And you know who you are. Now get out there and enjoy the rest of this gorgeous Sunday…