When the boy you are on the date with says he wants to “go slow”…

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Happy Sunday and Happy 4th of July weekend. As we celebrate our independence as a country, I reflect upon celebrating my independence as a single, strong woman in my mid forties who has the courage to continue dating in the hopes of “meeting my man”. Along the way, I have encountered many interesting “boys” and learned lessons I continue to share. This past week I had a second date with a “super cute boy” and we were “totally connecting” until he said those dreaded words which may come out of a boy’s mouth: “I want to take it slow”.

Now, you may be saying to yourself if you have been following my blogs and my “dating logic”, “why would Leslie be unhappy, as she always says she wants to take it slow too?”. On the first date with this very cute boy, he said he wanted to take it slow as he is going through divorce with young children and this is very upsetting for him. How could a great woman like myself not “feel for him”? I too went through a rough divorce and have great empathy for the pain involved in this. So we commiserated and I shared a book recommendation to him which I felt would help him get though his ordeal. He LOVED our conversation so much that he called me right after the date to say what a surprisingly GREAT time he had….awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww….did I mention his was cute?

On the second date, and he asked me out before he left for his vacation (very cool), he once again reminded me how he wants to take it slow. OK. Then he was talking about his “wife” instead of his “ex-wife”. I realized that this adorable boy is still wrapped up in the drama of his divorce. He was confused and afraid. Him telling me he wanted to take things slowly started meaning something very different for me. Especially right after our date when I got home and “internet stalked him”. This time, instead of a sweet post date phone call to me, I discovered he was back “looking” on the internet for other women.

I did muster up the courage to say to him on our second date “I am looking to date a man with an ex-wife and not a wife”. He acknowledged why I might feel this way. He was nice.

My “ah-ha” moment came a few days ago on a run with my beloved running partner and sage Rose. When a boy says he wants to “take it slow” he is referring to entering into a relationship with you. He may enjoy your company and perhaps even want to achieve a “shag” (he is a boy after all). When I say “I want to take it slow”, I mean I want to really get to know a boy in the hopes he is a man and has the courage to enter into a long-term relationship with me…

So I continue on. I haven’t heard from this cute boy since that second date. I know he is on his vacation. And I can see he is very busy looking on the “net”. All good. This is dating and more lessons learned. Thank you for reading…

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2 thoughts on “When the boy you are on the date with says he wants to “go slow”…

  1. Elena

    Honey pie stay clear and I mean far far away from “in transitions” and the recently wounded. It takes a good two years to clear the debris from divorce or a long term relationship. They could be decent people but emotionally not ready (having been one myself). Kudos to him for at least telling you instead of sucking you into emotional push pull and neediness. Been there done that. Add on to your checklist, OUT of a LTR and ready to move on. Hopefully they had their transition rebound relationship already. Don’t make it YOU. Its a blessing he was looking online still!

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