Beware of the divorced boy…

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divorcedHappy Sunday. I’m laughing to myself this morning, thinking “I am warning women about so many boys that there is going to be no one left to date”. But then I remember that I still believe in the beauty of dating. This is my journey. So let me talk about encounters with the divorced boy.

I wish I could tell you a story about one divorced boy in particular, as I have dated many. But the more I date the divorced boy, the more I see a common theme: the divorced boy has no time to make me feel as if I’m important in his life. My “profile” of the divorced boy would include the following: he has an ex-wife (duh), and children, and a “crazy life”. He typically has “baby Momma drama” and lots of “kid drama”. He is busy with his job and making enough money to support his drama. And I always keep in the back of my mind that his “baby Momma” divorced him for a reason…

I can tell you that in one of my most recent dates with a divorced boy, he spent more time looking at his phone than looking at me. He had so much going on with his ex-wife and kids, that it was difficult for him to enjoy his time on a date with me. He even answered the phone when his ex-wife called! I was thinking to myself that it’s a shame he needs to stay this connected to his “ex-life” that he cannot take time out to enjoy a dinner date with me. (FYI, when on a date, I NEVER take my phone out of my bag – call me old-fashioned, but I think its RUDE).

This boy was certainly cute enough and fun and very funny. I could spend a lot of time attempting to get him to “pay attention to me”, but I have learned not to waste my precious time. After all, busy boy, I have news for you. I HAVE A LIFE TOO!
In fact, I’m running a marathon tomorrow and you forgot to wish me good luck.

I guess to “wrap this blog up”, so that I don’t sound too bitter, I will say that I will be happy to date a divorced man. Because I know a divorced man will take the time to make me feel special and important when we are on a date. SO SIMPLE TO KNOW AND YET SO HARD TO FIND! So I continue to date in the quest for “my man”.

Thanks for reading.

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Is there really a “one”?

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Happy Sunday. I often contemplate this idea of “the one”. Much dating literature addresses this topic too. The question is both deep and superficial. Let me touch on both.

Superficially, there really is no “one”. Dating involves lots of “ones”. Some are good and some are great. Some are smart, some are nice, some are interesting, most are “keep it moving” for one reason or another. Lately I’ve been calling dating “my second job”. I go on loads of “dating interviews” and most never progress. I’ve yet to make a true connection. But it is a lot of fun and I’ve made many great connections with boys who do enhance my life. For example, he may not be “Mr. Right”, but he gave me the best auto mechanic advice. Make sense?

If I take this conversation to a deeper level, and I enjoy the spiritual perspective. Spiritually, “the one” is a quest I believe all souls are seeking. Oneness is a basic human desire given to us by our creator. On our journey to “oneness” we meet many along the way who help us to evolve into deeper connections with each other. This is how I view my dating. Teachers come to me in many forms showing me the way along my journey. My desire in my dating, is to restrict the amount of time I spend with anyone who may not be contributing to my evolution. Told you this is deep…

I have learned that if a person you date does not work, it is all because another teacher is on the way. So I keep an open mind and I keep dating. Perhaps my one is right around the corner, or perhaps my man is still “lifetimes away”. I’m here for a reason, so I keep on sharing my truth.

Thanks for sharing my journey.

Don’t date the “con boy”…

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free-avatar-clip-art-024Sunday and blog day yet again. I am very close to receiving my “5000th” hit! So thank you for reading and for your love and support. You keep me blogging. I had a recent experience with an “on-line” boy I am fortunate enough to say I never met. Because I started to get “sucked in” by his enticing profile and e-mail messages, I felt it important to give a warning to those who are lonely and vulnerable (like me) and who could easily fall prey to the “internet con-boy” (and TRUST ME these kind of people have never been, nor will ever be, men).

He had a cute photo. That is always a “draw” for me and for most women. More importantly his profile sounded “too good to be true”. I always need to remind myself, if someone sounds “too good to be true” he usually is. He was trained and practiced as a pediatrician. He tragically lost his wife four years ago. He was raising his 7-year-old son. While he does “humanitarian” work in Africa his deceased wife’s mother takes care of his son. WOW – what a man! So of course, after reading his profile, I shot him a wink (meaning I let him know I liked what I read and was interested in him. It took him a while to write back (a few weeks), but when he did write back to me we began e-mailing back and forth. I must admit I was excited. A few friends who I shared with warned me that it sounded funny.

He explained that he was about to embark on his last humanitarian mission to Africa as he had done this many times to help him cope with the loss of his wife. He said this was a “long story” which he would share with me when we met in person. He claimed that since this was his final planned trip to Africa. When he returned, he e-mailed me that he would be ready for a “real” relationship. What struck me the most odd, was when I asked him pointed questions such as “which organization” do you do your humanitarian work with, his answer was vague. For example, he said he had gone with UNICEF and Doctors without Borders in the past, but on this trip he was “on his own”. I then asked him more questions like “what medical school did you attend?”. He did answer this question, but when I googled his name and his medical school, nothing showed up! Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I smelled a “con”.

So I did what I felt a blogger and a responsible “internet dating powerchick” should do. I CALLED HIM OUT ON IT! I sent him a message stating that I now suspected he was a con. I told him I anticipated that after he “sucked me in” with a few months of back and forth e-mailing and me getting increasingly emotionally attached (without ever having a phone conversation with him or meeting him in person), he would ask me for money to help him “get home” from his humanitarian work in Africa. Of course I will NEVER know if this is indeed the truth, but it was really feeling like a “con”.

His response to my “calling him out” was the funniest – he wrote about how “shocked” he was and how I should “get over” my past as he is someone who wants to “start new”. I chuckled at his response because his vagueness and “blame” of me spoke volumes to me. I have learned in my life, that when boys are truly “guilty” they have a bad habit of putting the blame on their female accuser in an effort to deflect their responsibility for their bad behavior. It confirmed for me, in my mind, that he was a “con-boy”. Of course, there is always the possibility I am wrong about him, but I have learned always to “trust my gut” in my internet dating. Preserving myself and my emotions takes the utmost priority.

I did share my blog site with him in the hopes that he might read me, learn, and change his evil ways. This is my “pie eye in the sky” dream for the truths I share in my blog. One can always hope that by sharing their truth, they help someone heal.

I just hope for all my readers and daters you continue to keep your eyes wide open and don’t get “sucked in” by something that looks too good to be true. And NEVER, EVER give money to someone you meet on the internet. There are certainly a lot of predators out there. Stay on your game. Be smart and safe and trust your intuition.

Thanks for reading and keep on dating…

Telling boy/men I date that I blog about it

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Happy Sunday. Another tough topic to tackle. When I meet a nice boy/man, I struggle with the question of “do I tell him I blog about my Internet dating experiences?” When I mull this over in my mind, the answer always leads to a resounding “YES!!!” Why? You might be thinking I’m crazy for doing this. Well, I subscribe to “you are only as sick as your secrets” so I decided to be loud and be proud: I, LESLIE J. HOOT, DO WRITE ABOUT MY INTERNET DATING EXPERIENCES FOR THE WORLD TO READ! Let me see if I can “delve” into my world of “why” a bit further…

My Aunt Peg said it best. “Leslie, this must be very cathartic for you”. Thanks Aunt Peg and yes it is. For every date I go on, there is a story and a lesson. In addition, while I keep dating praying to meet my man, I at times get discouraged and frustrated. Getting out the stories in my writing simply makes it all feel so much better. And I so appreciate the words of support I am getting.

So on my dates, I tell boy/men I’m a writer. If they probe further, I share my blog with them. Some read, most don’t. It’s all good. It’s me! And it’s public. No secrets, no shame. One boy/man told me not too long ago there is a lot of estrogen throughout my site! LOL!!!! Perhaps he will keep reading? You alpha males perhaps can learn a thing or 2? Perhaps not…

On to more dates….

Thank you for reading my truth….