The story of a short boy…

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Happy Sunday.  Time for a fun story.  This one is “old school”, but fun no less….

Many years ago, there was a terrific coffee shop on the Upper West Side of NY that was lined with bookshelves.  Stored in these shelves were binders and binders of one page “profiles” of dating prospects, both male and female.  You see, this was during a time in history in which internet dating did not exist.  A “dater” like myself could simply go in for a cup of coffee, fill out a “profile paper”, and have the coffee shop staff place my paper into a binder for a boy to potentially pick me.  In addition, I had my opportunity to peruse the binders and “boy shop”.  There were no photos of “daters” offered, but loads of details on the person including their occupation, education, physical description and summary of what they were looking for.  A primitive, early day, (before on-line) profile.  Once you picked a boy you wanted to meet, you gave the “profile page” number to that staff person behind the coffee bar and they gave him a call.  If he came to the shop to read your “profile” and decided to meet you, the coffee shop staff placed the phone calls and set up the coffee meet up for you both.   I loved the idea! (of course).

So I got a call from a coffee shop staffer that someone had picked me.  I went down for my cup of coffee and to read about him.  He looked interesting.  A lawyer, well-educated, and well written.  I agreed to meet him.  What the heck?  The only thing I neglected to take note of when reading his “profile paper” was that he had left his height section blank…

I thought it would be fun to wear a long skirt with my most cool and stylish platform shoes.  As I walked into the shop to meet him, he was sitting on a high stool next to the coffee bar, with his feet dangling!  He donned a dapper suit, but I couldn’t help but notice it looked a bit too large for him.  (I later joked with a girlfriend that it looked as if he was wearing his father’s suit).  The most striking memory of the “meet up” was that he never stood up to shake my hand.

The second most striking memory was that he glared at my feet during most of our conversation.  He truly couldn’t take his eyes off my platforms which were easily transforming me from a 5 ft. 7 to a 5 ft. 11.  Poor boy!

We had a nice conversation.  He was simply very tiny compared to my build.  And when it was time for me to stand up to say goodbye, he called the waitress over and ordered a slice of cake.  I knew in that moment, his intelligence was superior to mine.  For that slice of cake placed down in front of him was his insurance guarantee that he would never need to stand up and present his very short self to me to say goodbye.  As I stood up to say goodbye, he had that slice of cake in front of him to ensure he could remain seated.   Certainly, a stand up boy…

OK, height is a deal breaker for me.  Call this one “superficial”… Heck, I’m entitled once in a while. Thanks for reading…

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Waiting for the “perfect” man…

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skeleton girl

Happy Sunday!  I am writing on Saturday as I will be running my 4th and final marathon of the season this Sunday in Philadelphia.  I am proud to say that for my “four full for fall” I have raised over $1500 (and climbing) for the Midnight Run, a NY not-for-profit offering resources for homeless persons.  I have volunteered for them many times and we take food and clothing to the streets at night.  The people I have met who are living on the streets have made a profound impact on my life in terms  of making me appreciate all I am blessed to have.  Helping others to help myself is my life’s purpose, I’m quite sure.  As I wait for the “perfect” man…

The people in my life are amazing.  I was sitting at my desk this week, at a career I’ve been blessed to have since 1997. A co-worker and friend (who I would consider “brother”) sent me a picture on my phone.  It is the picture you see on this blog.  I quickly sent it out to a bunch of my friends.  One of my great friends who also knows me so very well responded:  “the resemblance is uncanny”.  OMG!!!!  LMAO!!!!!  Her resemblance to me is so uncanny, I decided to dedicate this week’s blog to lonely skeleton girl…

One thing I will say about this girl, is that I have learned that while I wait for my “perfect” man, I am not sitting on a bench allowing myself to “rot”.  I am running, writing, and living life as best I can.  I am seeking my purpose on earth.  I know I am great at helping others, so I continue to try to help others in every way I can.

I also know men are not “perfect”.  I certainly am not “perfect”.  I have “run down” enough roads with boys to know that I do need a man in my life and I promise that when I meet one, I will accept his imperfections.  I simply am being reminded in my dating life that I can no longer take on a boy’s problems and try to “save” him.  I recognize that I truly need a man who can (as my wise chiropractor said) help make my life a little easier.

In the mean time, I have a blessed life.  And I continue to thank all of you who read and hopefully take away some wisdom from my writings.  A little advice:  if you are “waiting around” for perfection to come your way- STOP!  Don’t shrivel into a skeleton sitting on a bench.  Get out there and live!  Find your passion and “go for it”.  Help make the world a better place.  This can easily be done simply by loving another soul in need.  All we need.  Thanks for reading…

Internet Dating: the bigger better deal…

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Happy Sunday!   I had a terrific weekend.  I met a terrific gay man who loves my blog.   He jokingly proclaimed that he is a boy addict too.   As our conversation got deeper, I realized we do have much in common when it comes to dating boys and what we are attracted too.   Attraction is on a DNA level for us.   Just because in our intellect we may know someone is not good for us, our bodies seem to still, at times, crave what is knowingly bad for us.   Hence the ending result is choosing the “bad boy” and entering into our “boy addiction pattern”.   And ” boy” did he get me!!!   Wish he was straight!   This one is for you great man!

During our conversation, we got onto the topic of internet dating.    I explained to him that I found it hard to meet someone, begin to really “hit it off” with that person, and then see on-line they are still looking at other women.   I call this the “bigger better deal” phenomenon in on-line dating.   I too have been guilty.   You may really like someone , but since no one is perfect, in your mind you think someone better is coming for you.  Inernet boy\girl “shopping” makes it all too easy to keep looking.   When I see the boy I like is still looking, which they all do, I keep quiet.   I let it go.  

For me, after about three months time, I suspect my man (if he should come) will speak up and say he has met his perfect woman and is done with looking.   I truly think this is the man’s job, and that all I’m to do is to “sit back” and enjoy being treated like the great catch I know I am.  My day will come….

Thank you for reading.

Don’t date the boy who makes your roommate nervous…

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Ksennia photoHappy Sunday. Time for a silly story. When I “go deep” like I did last Sunday, it’s time to “lighten it up a bit” and make you laugh (hopefully). My roommate is a blessing beyond words. She is young, kind, respectful, and runs marathons with me! And I found her on Craig’s List! In fact, when she came to see her room, she saw all my medals and informed me she had already run the Yonkers Marathon. As fate would have it, I too ran that very same race and she remembered seeing me as I marked my shirt with my name! Yet again in “Leslieland”, it’s very small world.

Since I have had such amazing luck finding great roommates on Craig’s List (my current roommate is great roommate #3), I figured why not try my luck in finding “my man” on Craig’s List? In fact, I met a woman close to my age (a runner) who said she found a great relationship off of Craig’s List. She advised that it was important I state exactly what I am looking for and be specific. So in my advertisement, my description read something like this: “seeking a serious relationship that would be long term, no casual encounters please and I will do a background check on you before we meet” – you get the picture. I was doing my best to proceed with caution since I knew posting on Craig’s List could potentially open the “stranger danger” can of worms.

So I received a cute photo and a nice note from a boy I shall name “Fred”. He was a bit younger than me, but he looked acceptable to meet. He had a great job and lived locally. We met for coffee and I found him to be sweet. A bit shy in a cute way and I was attracted to his kindness. So we began dating. Of course as you get to know someone, you learn their idiosyncrasies. Fred was a smoker and explained that he never smoked in his apartment. He only smoked outdoors and in his car. His favorite thing to do was to go for “drives” to smoke. He admitted that he hated the smell of smoke, so when he smoked we would don a rain coat and one glove to prevent the smell of smoke on his body.

Since I was spending enough time with him, I decided to invite him over to see my apartment and meet my roommate. I informed her that he would be “stopping by” at some point, but I didn’t tell her specifically when. So he was on the way over one evening and she was on the way home from work. I figured they would show up around the same time and they could meet – PERFECT.

Well, she got home first. As she came through the door, she had a horrified look on her face. She said with animation in her voice, “Leslie, there is a freaky looking guy outside our door wearing a long coat and one glove, smoking a cigarette. Lock the door!” I knew immediately this was Fred and I felt so badly for her terrified reaction. I told her “um, I think that is Fred, he was coming to meet you and take me out”. With that, there was a knock at the door and I was introducing them.

Turns out he was an odd boy. His behaviors became stranger and stranger and I needed to end my time with him. From this awkward encounter, I learned I need to consider my roommate’s “gut reaction” to the boys I date. She loves telling this story to friends when she comes out with me and she begged me to “blog” this one. So “roomie”, this one is for you. Thanks for looking out and for having a great sense of humor. I am teaching you that we need this in order to date. And we need good friends who have our best interests in their hearts. THANK YOU!

Thanks for reading.

Why I run…

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Happy Sunday – on a Saturday. I am writing today because tomorrow I’m proud to say that I will be running my 12th marathon – my favorite marathon – the 2014 NY City Marathon. I often get asked why I run. My boy addiction directly connects to why I run, so on the eve of my run I wanted to explain how running contributes to my healing process. I will be lying low today, turning my clock back tonight for my extra hour of sleep and waking at 4 a.m. to do what I love – RUNNING!

I am sitting here watching my favorite show, Oprah’s “Super Soul Sunday” and she has a lovely Buddhist woman on named Pema Chodron who just stated, “I no longer have that need to be confirmed from someone on the outside.” WOW! That is powerful stuff and that is why I am writing today – no coincidences.

When I crossed the finish line of my very first marathon in 2010, I had two powerful thoughts enter my mind immediately. The first was tremendous gratitude for God and his granting of my ability to cross that line after 26.2 miles. The second was pure joy – the instant desire to “do it again”. In that moment, I realized that my crossing the finish line had absolutely nothing to do with a boy. I finally realized that my desire and talent to run is MINE ALONE! I knew that all of the training and hard work I put in to cross that line was mine and mine alone. No boy has ever said, “Hey Leslie, run with me.” I get up almost daily at 5:30 a.m. to run – a desire that comes from me and me alone.

My passion for running has been in my soul from a very young age. My mother will tell you, “As soon as Leslie could walk, she would rather run.” She knew I was coming down with fever/sickness as a child because she said she would watch me “run and run and run” around the house. When I would “drop” to the floor, she knew I was getting sick.

As I got older, as soon as I could join a sports team, I joined the track team in middle school. I tried to be a sprinter, but to no avail! I had absolutely no talent to run fast, so I just ran further. In High School, I joined the cross-country team to go the distance and make new friends as I was new to the town (we moved from NY to CT). I met my best friend and my boyfriend being a part of that team. The cross-country and track teams were a very important part of my world and my social life as a teen. I continued to run for recreation even in my adult life. 3-4 miles was typically my “max”.

When I suffered a very difficult marriage/divorce at age 37, I lost 60 pounds and kept running further and further. I reconnected with a great boy I had met in college and I thought he was “the one” who would make me into the wife and mother I expected to be. Additionally, when I was with him, I began running half marathons. He really encouraged my passion. At Christmas, instead of the engagement ring I expected from him, he gave me my very first runner’s watch – which I adore to this day! After a very devastating break up with him, it has been “game on” ever since. I have been able to make my “distance running” worthwhile for the universe by raising over $10,000 for very wonderful non-profits who give to improving humanity. Thank you to those who have donated and continue to donate! A true blessing.

When I decided to begin writing, I knew my topic needed to be “boy addiction” and my healing from it. No one person can “complete me”. My journey (my long run) on this earth is to heal myself and give love to those who are seeking love and purpose. I have countless runners in my life I connect too and am able to help (and they help me). The energy is symbiotic. The energy is amazing. The energy is pure love.

This is why the NY Marathon is my favorite of all time. The “people energy” I receive from the million plus spectators cheering for me as I run my 26.2 is almost indescribable. It feeds my passion and I am forever grateful. And I am forever grateful to you. My dedicated readers who keep me writing…and I promise you, I plan to keep running. As long as God continues to bless my body.

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