A story of a New Year’s Eve good boy…

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2015! Can it be? Of course, at any New Year it is wonderful to look back and reflect on years past. I decided to tell a story from when I was in my 20’s. The only time in my life where I met a boy on New Years Eve whom I really liked. We wound up in a 6 month relationship that resulted in my learning he was not “my man”, but in thinking back to his behavior the night we met he was certainly “a good boy”…

The year was 1993 going into 1994. I was a new college graduate, with a “real world” job and a “real world” apartment and a “real world” leased car. I was just making it financially and had to take a second job to make ends meet, but life was fun. My favorite thing to do was head to the “big city” of NY and have “20 year old style fun”. And I was always blessed with girlfriends willing to partake. So my best friend from High School was game to hit a “big bar” party where one price took care of all our drinking needs for the night. (Alas, as many can relate, a dangerous plan).

So during that alcohol filled night, we both met boys. Mine seemed especially sweet and kind hearted. Basically, he took both of us under his wing and protected us for the night. My friend’s boy actually convinced her to go back to his apartment and my boy came too. My boy was like an angel. He stayed with us and made sure we had fun and that no one harmed us. He got us both into a cab and ensured we were Grand Central bound. Sadly, we missed our 3 a.m. last train home and had to sit the night in Grand Central sobering up and paying for our bad behavior…

We laugh about it to this day and realize that my boy was our guardian angel for that night. And in true “Gramma Ruth” tradition, I yet again learned that “God watches out for drunks and fools”…

Happy New Year 2015! May your guardian angel always be by your side.
Thank you for reading. I promise 2015 to continue to be a great “boy addict” year!

5 fast ways to beat the “I don’t have the boy blues” at the holidays…

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x mas treeIt’s Sunday before Christmas and the dreaded “so hard to be single” New Year’s Eve. The potential for loneliness and “settling” for “Mr. Wrong Boy” is great. Here are 5 quick and easy ways to think positive about not having a boy this time of year…

1. You do not have to spend money on a nice gift. I cannot tell you how much dough I’ve dropped over the years at the holidays on boys (and their children). Not to mention birthdays, anniversaries and all the other things that come with being in relationship with a boy. I’m happy to say this year I’m spending on those who unconditionally love me: family, friends and of course my beloved kitty Missy. Money well spent!

2. You do not have to do the “obligatory” spend time with a boy’s family and neglect your own at the holidays. I know my parents are thrilled I’m single and will be devoting all my Christmas time to be with them. I’m loaded with gifts for the parents too. I joked with them last year that if I did have children they would NEVER get so many gifts from me!

3. You do not feel pressure to get a live Christmas tree. Every time I have a boy in my life I feel the need to get a live tree. You know, it’s very “manly” to let the boy hunt down and cut a tree for his gal. Been there, done that. I’m really beginning to love my 5 foot artificial tree displayed proudly on top of a card board box to make it seem like the Rockefeller Tree!

4. Being a single gal, I get a lot of “good food items” from family and friends and neighbors. I know they sometimes think, “poor middle age gal with no boy” – let me give her some home-made bread, soup, wine, etc. I get lots of yummy stuff both delivered to my home and at the homes of my friends. Another money saver!

5. Going out with my single gals on New Years Eve to dance! What is better than this? My plans are still a bit up in the air but feel no pressure and no obligations. Being a free spirit on New Years Eve can be super fun. So bring it!

I’m hoping this blog gave you a bit of a “holiday” chuckle especially if you are single. It’s really not so bad. Somewhere out there is “my man” ready to appreciate my quick wit and positive spirit. Until then, I’m not getting “blue” this Christmas. A very happy holidays to you and thank you always for taking the time to read.

Beware of angry boy…

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Happy Sunday. I am getting excited for the upcoming holiday season and spending time with family and friends. There is a comfort in being single and free to pick and choose where I go and who I spend my time with. And it is good for me to reflect on why I choose not to be with boys. I have dated angry boys, and have learned these are not the boys I choose to spend my time with today.

In my dating and relationship life, there are a few different scenarios in which you will know for certain you are with an angry boy. The first, is when the boy displays his anger during his driving. The second, is when the boy speaks disparagingly about his ex-wife. The third, is when the boy displays impatience with you and others.

To provide you an example of the first scenario, his anger was displayed every time he got behind the wheel. He would drive his car right up on the back bumper of other people’s cars and yell as if the other drivers could hear him. The sad part of this story was that his child asked him to please stop and he continued. Very disrespectful to me and his child. I do believe his child strives to grow up being “opposite Dad” behind the wheel. Needless to say, I ended the relationship with this angry boy. A smart move for myself, as to this day, I at times receive angry e-mails from him…IGNORE!!!

The second scenario is the “ex-wife angry speak”. Of course I understand that speaking kindly about an “ex” is not always easy to do, but referring to her as the “b” word or any other angry profane words is a big turn off to the new person that boy is dating. I truly believe that when I meet my man, he will have some insight as to why his marriage or past relationship may have ended by taking responsibility for his role in the relationship demise. After all, relationship endings are a wonderful opportunity to soul search and to grow into a better person. My man will understand this. I certainly have had profound “take aways” which I believe have made me into the person I am today as the result of “break-up” personal growth.

In the third scenario, an angry boy has very little patience for you and for anyone he interacts with. I once had a boy so fired up because in his mind I wasn’t directing his car correctly (he was backing up from a tight spot) that he yelled at me “I could hit you”. Needless to say, I never saw him again.

So to recap angry boys are road raging, ex-wife bashing, impatient boys who need not waste my time. “Nough” said? “Where are you man?” Tis the season to be patient…

Thank you for reading…

Boy Addiction: “People, Places, Things”

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Happy Sunday. Today I’m tackling a popular “12 step program” concept called “people, places, things” as it relates to my addiction to boys. The idea behind “people, places, things”, as I understand it, is that you can easily perpetuate your addictive patterns by putting yourself around people, places, and things which enable you to actively participate in your addictive patterns. Ok, that sounds very “psycho-babble”. Putting it more simply, I am reminded during my dating boys that I get easily attracted to those who are bad for me. And I want to be around them constantly. The good news is, using my recovery tools (and friends who know me well), I can much more easily STOP IT!

So now I suppose it’s time for a story? I must be honest. For this blog I really feel compelled to generalize. Mostly to protect those who may have fallen victim to my “slips”. You see, I have been around the block way too much with boys to know that if they are super fun and super attractive to me, it will lead to disaster. Usually these are the party boys. You know, the fun ones who do not have a care in the world? They are really no different than a bottle of vodka for an alcoholic or a smoke of something for a drug addict. Boy, do I love to spend time with “Mr. Carefree Boy”.

But as I have learned all too often, settle in with “Mr. Carefree boy” and he quickly becomes “Mr. Take Care of Me Boy”. And this is where my self destructive, boy addictive behaviors get ugly. Some of the side effects of my addiction include a total loss of self care: Weight gain, sleep disturbances, lack of a savings account to name a few. I’m sure my close friends could tell you about the bad things that happen to me when I’m deep into my boy addiction.

So here I am today trying to live a good, clean, “boy sober” life. My father said to me (about a year ago) “Leslie, when you meet someone, you are going to stop running”. For the first time in my adult years, I’m determined to prove him wrong! And when I meet my man, I know he will encourage and support me to keep on running…

Thank you for sharing my journey…