Is “dating” my calling or just my own self serving need?

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Happy Sunday.  In thinking about my “journey” it is not always easy speaking openly about my truth.  And I am happy to say everything in my blog is “my truth”.  It is no one else’s truth, so I understand that I may hurt other’s feelings along the way and I am truly sorry for this.  Never my intention.  I usually try to write about my dating experiences after some time and I always keep names anonymous so as to not hurt the others I write about.  This is my journey and I’m getting such positive response from my readers, that I choose to keep writing.  Every Sunday, never miss since I began over a year ago.

This being said, and after watching my favorite television show “Super Soul Sunday” with Oprah, I am beginning to accept the fact that “dating” could be my calling.  Just this week, another woman said to me “I could never internet date, it is too scary”.  I thought to myself, “wow”, it is scary at times.  I am putting myself “out there” and taking all kinds of risks in an effort to meet “my man”.  The concept of “my man” is a tall order for me.  I accept that this order may perhaps be “too tall” for me to ever fill.  But, having said this, this is my life and I choose to live it in the best way I know how, keeping me happy.

One thing I do know is that the people I most prefer to spend time with are the ones who unconditionally love me no matter how “quirky” or “annoying” I can be.  I’m not easy to be around at times.  I talk incessantly about my running and my dating.  I get very caught up in my “own stuff” often being a terrible listener.  My running partners are very used to me “talking first” about my drama before I listen to them and their issues (I’m trying to get better at this).

I turn away many boys I date because I’m all about me.  I suppose my past has lead me to this place.  I had to learn that in order to save myself, I needed to make life about myself and my journey.  But I write to give back – especially to give back to the women who read me and relate to me.  Thank you!

One thing I know for sure, is that the unconditional love I receive just for “being me” is hard to describe.  I will always have “haters” too.  I accept this.  It is the “fall out” from going public with my truth.  But I insist on the premise that I am only as sick as my secrets, so I consider myself to be pretty healthy.  Agree or disagree – makes no matter.

One thing is for sure – you are reading me.  So there is some kind of attraction to my wisdom.  As for dating being my “calling” – it is my reality.  And thank you for those of you who are happy to “just see me smile”.  Its truly all I want to give back to you.  Bless you.

“I have a friend for you”…More Tales From a Boy Addict

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So those of you who are single ABSOLUTELY KNOW  the phrase “I have a friend for you”.  Heck, even if you are married, you most certainly remember this phrase when you were in your younger “single days”.  For a boy addict such as myself,  you hear these words and you start to fantasize and for me I think I may even salivate.  You think to yourself “finally Mr. Prince Charming is coming on his white horse to save me and ride me off into the sunset”…

I’m here today at age 43 and climbing to say that the hard reality is that more often than not, the quest for “my man” has not worked in this manner.  Never a “white horse” ride for sure.  I remember, the desire to “fix me up” happened a ton more in my 20’s.  Some of these “set ups” back then were really nice and cute and eligible, but never worked out.  I remember this one cutie who I was crushing on, I found out years late wound up with a middle age woman!  Go figure…

So now that I am middle age, I have found the phrase “I have a friend for you” to be almost non-existent.  And when I do hear it, it most certainly never pans out.  What I assume is that if there is a 40 something boy out there, happy to be single and having never pursued his dream woman, chances are he is happy to be single!  God bless him.  What I think of in these boys if they do take me out is “time wasters”.  They like a “pretty blonde” (if I do say so myself) on their arm to show to the world that they can “pair up”, but they truly don’t want a committed relationship.  As a “boy addict”, I have WASTED SO MUCH TIME with these kind of boys.  But since I am a people person, I love meeting interesting people and doing fun things and I need to remind myself THIS IS DATING!  Come on Leslie, when are you going to GET OUT OF THE FANTASY.

Could a man simply be my fantasy?  Quite possibly.  But it is so fun to write about and certainly you enjoy reading.  And I must give a shout out to all my friends who care so very much about me and who keep me going.  I had a very tough week and the love I receive makes me cry tears of joy all the time.  And I always say (and it is so true) YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

God and the Universe are so very good…

Internet dating “pet peeves” from a boy addict…

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Another Sunday and another fun internet dating topic from a recovering boy addict.  I was talking with a friend who is also internet dating and we were discussing our “pet peeves”.  If you are internet dating, you know what I’m talking about.  The “stuff” that boys put in their profiles and write to me in e-mails or texts that makes my “skin crawl”.  Perhaps these unelightened boys have no idea how fast they are turning me off. Here are a few of my “pet peeves”.

“Pet Peeve” #1:  I hate when he calls me honey, sweetie, babe, doll. I never respond to these boys.  Once again, I say to myself that I am engaging with strangers.  I am no one’s cutie, honey, or baby unless or until I welcome such familiarity. Mostly, I find it to be very disrespectful and demeaning and I seriously doubt a man would address me in this way until he was pretty certain I was comfortable with him.

#2:  A boy’s profile picture – standing in front of a mirror holding up his cell phone, taking his “selfie”, while looking in the mirror.  I see this so often.  All it says to me when I see this kind of picture is “stranger danger”.  “Boy, don’t you have a friend who can take a nice photo of you for your profile picture?”  Are you really that much of a loner?  Get out and take a long hike on a mountain some place and have someone snap a nice photo of you.  There is a whole wide world out there beyond your bathroom mirror!  Real men know this and experience this.

#3 – Why do boys say “I’m looking for a nice lady” – once again, in my mind I’m not a “lady”, I’m a woman.  I understand you may be reading this thinking “why are you so picky Leslie” – well I say back to you “why not?”.  I’m looking for a nice man – not a “nice guy” or a “nice stud” or a “nice boy”.  I am a woman.   The whole package.  Worthy of respect. To me “lady” is degrading and a turn off.

#4 and my favorite “peeve”: do not proposition me for sex, do not tell me to come to your  home on a first meet up, do not tell me what a great  lover you are in a first e-mail to me.  Are you kidding me?  There are girls for you on the net I’m most certain, but did you read my profile?  Clearly we are not a match!

So I wait and pray and run.  And I’m learning that while I do this I’m really enjoying my terrific life.  And BONUS!  You are reading.  Bless you.

“Under 29, Over 50” tales from a boy addict on the net…

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Happy Sunday.  As promised, I wanted to talk about how at age 43 and internet dating, I cannot help but notice that I get the most “hits” from boys under 29 and over 50.  Of course, since I have been accused of “thinking too much” and praised for being “introspective”, I must discuss why this occurs on the net…

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, the “under 29’s”!   They are so much fun.  It is ALWAYS very complimentary for a woman my age to get “hit on” by these young boys.  After all, reminds me that “I still got it”.  But I cannot even “go there” despite the fact that many tell me I should.  I think my  biggest fear is that their mothers could be my age or younger!  I have often told these young ones that “I’m sorry, I feel I am old enough to be your mother”.  I just feel that when they are that young, what is there to talk about?  Intelligent conversation is a turn on for me, so I make the assumption that generational conversation with these young ones could never really go anywhere.  I do recognize that I could be wrong.  I was out New Years Eve with a 47-year-old single gal and we both grabbed onto a 22 year old’s arms – she took one arm and I took the other.  Boy did those arms feel good!  She thought so too.  And he loved the attention.  Until we noticed at the end of the night he could have cared less for us when he had a pretty “20 something” dancing up on him…He was right where he belonged…

 

Then there are the “over 50’s” – God bless them.  Many I meet have the looks and attitude of 39 year olds.  I am open to dating these boys.  They still “got it” and I like it because in addition to their young energy, they have life wisdom, so we can have great conversations.  HOWEVER, it is one thing to be 51 or even 53.  Over 55, I start to encounter that “generational” what do we talk about problem yet again.  Then there was the guy who flat-out LIED!  Telling me he was 51 and when we met for coffee he wanted to brag about his mailing address being Scarsdale.  So he pulled out his driver’s license to “show me”, but I could have cared less when I glanced over his address and saw his birth year of 1944!  OMG – my Dad was born in 1941!!!!!  REALLY??????  I knew he was older than me by his looks, but REALLY??????  God bless his gumption!!!!

 

So to summarize why these 2 age categories of boys “go for me” I can only assume it is because they are boys.  Young ones want to feel “studly” by catching the mature woman and older ones want to feel “studly” by walking around with the younger chick on their arm.  Or as Cher’s mother says in the film “Moonstruck” – “they are afraid of dying”!  LOL  Once again, it’s all about stroking the “boy ego”…OH MAN – WHERE FOR ART THOU?

And why do very few boys in my age category choose me?  They want 10 years younger I am to assume….

 

Thanks for reading.

 

I’m becoming the man I’m seeking…

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Happy Sunday.  Today’s blog is dedicated to my incredible Minister Jane Ann, who reminded the parishioners today, during her powerful sermon, of a quote by an unknown author stating “we become what we are seeking”.  During the service, right after she made this profound statement, she paused and looked right at me.  I knew in that moment, today’s blog must be about this quote.  I promise next week I will write about the “under 29 over 50’s who dig me on the net”…

You all know that along my journey, I have discovered and connected to a phenomenon I refer to in myself as “boy addiction”.  I have spent countess hours of writing and explaining why I feel I’m addicted to boys.  Following my confessions of “boy addiction” I always assert I am “seeking my man”.  It occurred to me in church today, and I am very proud to proclaim this, that I am “becoming my own man”!!!!!

Over the past few months, I astounded myself as I successfully assembled a complicated desk in my room all on my own, fixed my broken printer all on my own, and removed my air conditioners with a little help from my younger female roommate. All of these tasks are tasks I “dreamed” a man would do for me when I met him.  I used to feel down when I had no man around to do the chores I thought I couldn’t do myself.   But in my admission of “seeking my man” what I’m learning is that “I am my own best man”.  Boy, is this huge growth for little old boy addicted me…

I earn a decent living, provide for myself in a pretty stable way, and am able to share what I have with others in the way I choose.  I definitely have learned how to take care of myself and make myself happy.  (Ladies, we all know men are very good at this).

I finally found a hobby I’m passionate about.  In fact,  I’d rather go for a run first before I sacrifice any of my time for a member of the opposite sex.  This too sounds kinda like a man, doesn’t it?  Suffice it to say, it’s not watching football, or playing cards, or drinking beer, but it is my own hobby which I even have “buddies” to do it with – so “sorry” men – I will see you in 2-3 hours when I’m done with my run.

I must add that I am 100% heterosexual, so this has nothing to do with not wanting to have a man in my life.  Those close to me know I want NOTHING more than this.  I just want it on my terms.  I just want him to appreciate me, my hobbies, and help make my life a bit easier.   So if staying single and making life about me is what it takes, I’m happy to “man up” until he one day walks through my door.

Enough said?  Thank you Rev. Jane Ann for your amazing inspiration.  And thank you all for reading and sharing in my journey…