I’m becoming the man I’m seeking…


Happy Sunday.  Today’s blog is dedicated to my incredible Minister Jane Ann, who reminded the parishioners today, during her powerful sermon, of a quote by an unknown author stating “we become what we are seeking”.  During the service, right after she made this profound statement, she paused and looked right at me.  I knew in that moment, today’s blog must be about this quote.  I promise next week I will write about the “under 29 over 50’s who dig me on the net”…

You all know that along my journey, I have discovered and connected to a phenomenon I refer to in myself as “boy addiction”.  I have spent countess hours of writing and explaining why I feel I’m addicted to boys.  Following my confessions of “boy addiction” I always assert I am “seeking my man”.  It occurred to me in church today, and I am very proud to proclaim this, that I am “becoming my own man”!!!!!

Over the past few months, I astounded myself as I successfully assembled a complicated desk in my room all on my own, fixed my broken printer all on my own, and removed my air conditioners with a little help from my younger female roommate. All of these tasks are tasks I “dreamed” a man would do for me when I met him.  I used to feel down when I had no man around to do the chores I thought I couldn’t do myself.   But in my admission of “seeking my man” what I’m learning is that “I am my own best man”.  Boy, is this huge growth for little old boy addicted me…

I earn a decent living, provide for myself in a pretty stable way, and am able to share what I have with others in the way I choose.  I definitely have learned how to take care of myself and make myself happy.  (Ladies, we all know men are very good at this).

I finally found a hobby I’m passionate about.  In fact,  I’d rather go for a run first before I sacrifice any of my time for a member of the opposite sex.  This too sounds kinda like a man, doesn’t it?  Suffice it to say, it’s not watching football, or playing cards, or drinking beer, but it is my own hobby which I even have “buddies” to do it with – so “sorry” men – I will see you in 2-3 hours when I’m done with my run.

I must add that I am 100% heterosexual, so this has nothing to do with not wanting to have a man in my life.  Those close to me know I want NOTHING more than this.  I just want it on my terms.  I just want him to appreciate me, my hobbies, and help make my life a bit easier.   So if staying single and making life about me is what it takes, I’m happy to “man up” until he one day walks through my door.

Enough said?  Thank you Rev. Jane Ann for your amazing inspiration.  And thank you all for reading and sharing in my journey…






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