Is “dating” my calling or just my own self serving need?

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Happy Sunday.  In thinking about my “journey” it is not always easy speaking openly about my truth.  And I am happy to say everything in my blog is “my truth”.  It is no one else’s truth, so I understand that I may hurt other’s feelings along the way and I am truly sorry for this.  Never my intention.  I usually try to write about my dating experiences after some time and I always keep names anonymous so as to not hurt the others I write about.  This is my journey and I’m getting such positive response from my readers, that I choose to keep writing.  Every Sunday, never miss since I began over a year ago.

This being said, and after watching my favorite television show “Super Soul Sunday” with Oprah, I am beginning to accept the fact that “dating” could be my calling.  Just this week, another woman said to me “I could never internet date, it is too scary”.  I thought to myself, “wow”, it is scary at times.  I am putting myself “out there” and taking all kinds of risks in an effort to meet “my man”.  The concept of “my man” is a tall order for me.  I accept that this order may perhaps be “too tall” for me to ever fill.  But, having said this, this is my life and I choose to live it in the best way I know how, keeping me happy.

One thing I do know is that the people I most prefer to spend time with are the ones who unconditionally love me no matter how “quirky” or “annoying” I can be.  I’m not easy to be around at times.  I talk incessantly about my running and my dating.  I get very caught up in my “own stuff” often being a terrible listener.  My running partners are very used to me “talking first” about my drama before I listen to them and their issues (I’m trying to get better at this).

I turn away many boys I date because I’m all about me.  I suppose my past has lead me to this place.  I had to learn that in order to save myself, I needed to make life about myself and my journey.  But I write to give back – especially to give back to the women who read me and relate to me.  Thank you!

One thing I know for sure, is that the unconditional love I receive just for “being me” is hard to describe.  I will always have “haters” too.  I accept this.  It is the “fall out” from going public with my truth.  But I insist on the premise that I am only as sick as my secrets, so I consider myself to be pretty healthy.  Agree or disagree – makes no matter.

One thing is for sure – you are reading me.  So there is some kind of attraction to my wisdom.  As for dating being my “calling” – it is my reality.  And thank you for those of you who are happy to “just see me smile”.  Its truly all I want to give back to you.  Bless you.

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