Don’t date, marry, or stay married to the abusive boy…



Happy Valentine’s weekend.  I’m writing this blog for this long Valentine weekend with some motivation.  “Boy abuse” is a heavy topic.  I find as I get older, I talk about my personal “boy abuse” stories less and less as I get happier and happier as a single woman.  But many of you know I have a fun short reading in my churches’ production of the “Vagina Monologues” tonight.  The charity we are fund-raising for assists victims in domestic violent situations.  Since I consider myself a “survivor”, I find it appropriate to tackle this topic on the Sunday after Valentine’s Day and my play.  It is difficult to talk about abuse because I no longer see myself as a “victim”, but as a volunteer.  Today I am happy to report I no longer “sign up” to be around abusers (as much as I can help myself).  Even today, when I speak to people (mostly women), I recognize clear signs that a boy is an abuser.  And I’m well aware that for my sanity, today I choose to remain far away from these kind of boys.  One day at a time and with God’s grace.

Sign #1:  He exhibits controlling behaviors over you.  He may want to tell you what to do and who to be friends with.  He may tell you how to eat, dress, or act.  He may need to know where you are and what you are doing every second of the day.  He may want or encourage you to do destructive, unhealthy things like eat or drink too much.  Keeping you down makes him happy.

Sign #2:  Disrespect.  This abusive boy trait infuriates me.  Simply stated,
the boy makes you feel second best.  You are not important in his world and your opinion doesn’t matter.  You are to be seen and not heard.  You do not have a voice.  YOU KIDDING ME?  No way and no thank you.  Time to do your best and G.O. – GO!

Sign #3:  He takes away your joy.  Were you a happy person before you began spending time with him?  You can have this happiness back again.  It may be hard and painful, requiring a lot of courage, but you can formulate an escape plan and get away.  NO ONE SHOULD STEAL YOUR JOY.

I know the signs because I have spent way too much time with abusive boys.  I suffered with abusers through many dating experiences, long-term relationships and my failed marriage (which I consider my “marriage escape” to be one of my biggest successes today).  I am living proof that you do not need to stay any place that is unhealthy for you.  I live one day at a time and pray God continues to bless me with healthy people in my life who love me unconditionally and keep me going.  This is the number one reason why I have the strength to have run 13 marathons and counting…

Thank you for reading.  Hope you have nothing but love for yourself this Valentine’s Day.  Love is all that really matters.  And the unconditional love from the Divine is always there for you.  As long as no abusive boy blurs your vision, reach out and accept this love.


3 thoughts on “Don’t date, marry, or stay married to the abusive boy…

    • Thank you Sue! Tough stuff because not every woman in a hard situation can escape. I get this. God plays a HUGE ROLE in our lives and God gave me my out. Handed it to me. Guess my journey and I am VERY BLESSED!!! Still sad over wanting my man, but in a way arn’t we all? Love you!

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