Spring “boy” fever…

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morro bay

Spring is almost here.  For those living on the East Coast, you are well aware the warm spring air is taking its time arriving, but with my tulips struggling to rise above ground, I have unwavering faith that spring weather is just around the corner.  For me, this is a warning to beware of spring fever.  In my past, this spring fever would lead me to spring into my big time boy addiction.  Let me explain why I feel this way.

I hate being alone.  This is a “Leslie fact” since I was a young child.  I remember distinctly at the age of 6, listening to a radio show about the life of Judy Garland. The DJ described her as a person who was never left alone in a room because she couldn’t stand the sensation of “aloneness”.  This resonated with me, even at my very young age, because I identified.  To this day, when I am alone, I prefer to have music playing or the television on so as not to have the sensation of being alone with myself.

If you are a “boy addict” like I, the feeling of not wanting to be alone can be so dangerous.  When “spring boy fever” hits me, I tend to find a boy and try to make him into someone he simply is not (my man).  I do this to have the comfort of not being alone.  In my last relationship, I dared to make him be my “exclusive” boy when spring time came.  Sadly, I had been dating him for months and he never once asked me to be exclusive with him, nor did he ever make me feel that I was a special part of his life.  I was traveling 60 miles several times a week to avoid being alone.  I was trying to force my desire to be “filled” and free from “alone”.  Once again, I was forcing something that was not to be.  Classic “boy addict behavior” of mine.

This year, I am making a conscious decision to do “spring cleaning” to fight my potential for “spring boy fever”.  By this I mean I am putting myself in situations where I am discovering I am very happy to be alone with myself.  During my most recent vacation, I did the Pacific Coastal drive all alone.  I stayed in a nice hotel in San Simeon, CA all alone (for $48 for the night) and I LOVED it.  The photo you see is of the amazing sunset I witnessed in Morro Bay, CA.

When I run 26.2 miles, I am usually alone in a crowd of thousands, but not running with anyone I know personally.  I do not even wear headphones.  For all 15 marathons, I never have.  I have learned this is my precious time to be with myself and to take in all the amazing sights and sounds of a marathon.  The energy of the run with the people cheering and the inspiration offered by my fellow runners is enough for me to keep going.

So with this I encourage you to be aware of  your own possible “boy addiction”.  Be aware of your fear of being alone.  For in confronting this fear, I have begun to see the universe has a bigger purpose for me.  May you find this with yourself as well.

Thank you for reading.

Dating advice from my nephews…

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Greetings from 70 and sunny California.   Every time I’m here, I wonder why I don’t live here.   It is a delightful place both environmentally and socially.   Besides warm sun and palm trees, the people are so very friendly.   You can actually step out in front of an automobile and not get hit.   Instead, a courteous driver will smile and wave you on.   In addition, I get to spend special time (what I consider sacred) with my gorgeous, incredibly intelligent nephews (if I do say so myself).   After all, I am their “Cool Aunt Leslie”, but after our talk this morning on our routine breakfast donut shop hike, I dare say they just might be cooler than me…

It began with my younger nephew, age 10, discussing his
“crush” with a young girl in his gymnastics class.   He strictly admires her from afar, not engaging her in conversation.  Per his 13 year old brother, he is simply too young.  The 10 year old then decided to advise me saying “Aunt Leslie, my teacher once said if a boy approaches you in a bar to buy you a drink say “no” because it means he only wants one thing.”  I chuckled some and thanked him saying that I agreed.    (I chuckled to myself thinking this is exactly how I met my ex-husband, but refrained from saying this to the boys.)

Next, the 13 year old piped up to explain that dating is distraction while kids are in school.   Basically, he went on to say it takes up too much time and effort and can get in the way of focusing on your future.  He even added that. in high school there is pressure to have sex if you date.  He explained that this can lead to a lot of troubles giving the example of unwanted pregnancy.   I agreed with him completely, adding that couples in high school can choose to not have sex, and he agreed but thought it may be difficult.  His wisdom amazes me and his candor.  I am very honored he feels so comfortable talking with me.  His younger brother too.   Sadly, I only get to see them about once a year, give or take, making these conversations even more special.

We went onto to talk about self-love and self-esteem.  Aunt Leslie reminded them that it is always important to work on your own self improvements before you are ready to meet that special someone.  She encouraged them to find  their passion and focus on this (like I do with my running).  I added that “you are the only one who can save your life” at which point, the 10 year old exclaimed “God can save you Aunt Leslie”.   Nothing left to say with that but “AMEN!”

How is that for “nephew wisdom”… These boys are quickly approaching ” manhood.  I am SO PROUD of them.  

Thank you for reading.

California Dreaming Boy

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It was about 18 years ago.   Finding it hard to believe, that as I currently sit on this airplane ready to run my 15th marathon in L.A., I once dated my “California dream boy”.   And as you may have already guessed it, my dream boy turned  into my dream disaster.

I love California.   I have spent much time in this gorgeous state including living in L.A. for a year and running the San Fran marathon.  I have driven the gorgeous state coast line and plan to do it again this trip.  The first time I did it was 20 years ago with my 3 girl friends (2 of which remain my ” besties” today).

I met the boy at a party full of my college’s graduates.   He was  a friend and a few years younger than I.  He was TOTALLY adorable and loveable and funny.   I was hooked right away.   Big green eyes and a sweet humble smile.   Not at all, by appearances, my typical “bad boy”.   We happily began dating and after about 3 months we decided to take a trip to visit his friend in L.A. and my brother in San Fran.  I suggested we drive the same romantic California coast I had driven with my girlfriends.

While in L.A., with his friend who happened to be female, I noticed how she adored him.   Of course, being the boy addict I was, this made me very jealous wanting to really sink my claws into this boy.   So on our drive north (I was very happy to leave her in the dust of L.A.) I decided it was time to really ” up the romance ante”.  I got him onto a beach in San Simeon.  There were people all around us lighting bon fires on the beach as we walked hand in hand.  It was dark night, with the stars shining brilliantly over the roaring waves of the Pacific (you catch my drift?).    So I knew this was the right time and place to boldly go where none of my female friends nor I had ever gone before…To say to him “I love you” first!

Sitting next to him on that sandy beach, with every ounce of courage I had within me, I DID IT!   BAM!!!    I said ” Pete (not really his name as you can imagine) I love you”.   And for as long as I live, I shall NEVER forget his reaction:  SILENCE!!!!!     Nothing, Nada, zip, zilch, zero.   That was that.   I felt I had to humbly, with a reddened face, regress into my “shattered self-esteem shell” for the rest of our trip.   My heart literally ached, but I wore a smile and “played nice” because it was the only way I knew how to respond back in those days.

I will say this.   Since that experience all those years ago, I never tell a boy I love him first.    I have learned that my addictive desires are NOT love.    Love is the unconditional support, sensitivity, nurturing, and caring I receive from so many.   Perhaps if you are reading, you are someone I love.  Thank you for being my BEST TEACHER!   I am writing this today to proudly tell you “thank you” and “I LOVE YOU TOO!”  California here I come.   California dreaming of my run…

Accepting the boy “as is”…

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Happy Sunday.  Today’s topic gets a little more “deep”, but is one I’m thinking about a lot this week in the discussions I’m engaging in with my amazing female friends.  The conclusion I’m reaching for myself in “recovery” from my “boy addiction” is that the happiest I can be with any boy/man is accepting him 100% for who he is.  If there are things about him, his life, his ways, his beliefs, values, attitudes, which do not “sit right” with me, then I need to “keep it moving”.  I have spent many, many years thinking I could “change the boy” to be what I wanted him to be – my man.  As I write this blog today, I truly have learned I will NEVER be able to “change the boy”.

Internet dating is GREAT practice for acceptance.  While on dates, I sit back and observe.  Is he making efforts?  Is he really interested in me?  What is his objective for taking me out?  I have learned that boys will let you know almost IMMEDIATELY if they are interested and want to pursue you.  NO NEED TO CHASE.  Boys are VERY transparent in general and you will know pretty quickly if he is interested.  Any aloof actions on a date means time to say “bah bye”.  I’m not dating to waste any of my precious time with boys who have no idea what they want, other than to be seen out with an attractive girl (if I do say so myself).  So I’ve learned that when a boy “likes me” it must be obvious to me through his actions.  I accept that if it is not obvious, I am done.  Onto the next…

If you continue to date a boy because you are hitting it off, continue to listen to your gutt.  No one is perfect, but this is YOUR LIFE so be picky. I have learned that if a good person were easy to find, then most likely he would not be a good person.  Boy have I learned this lesson the hard way !   I accept that boys come with problems, but I also accept that my life has become pretty stable and I am not willing to “rock my boat” with problems.  Been there, done that.

I guess at the end of the day, when I meet my “man”, I expect it will flow.  I plan on not having any “gutt” moments where I’m thinking “uh oh”, he might be up to no good.  I’m a VERY open-minded person and a “people person” which is why I enjoy dating and meeting new boys.  Being a boy addict in recovery contributes to my desire to date.  But I’m having a lot of fun saying “no” often for “my right reasons”.  I’m realizing I cannot accept a lot of “boy behaviors” that are just not a fit for my life.

Being alone is getting better and better.  And I might just stay single for a long time.  Keeps me blogging.  Thank you for reading always…