Spring is almost here. For those living on the East Coast, you are well aware the warm spring air is taking its time arriving, but with my tulips struggling to rise above ground, I have unwavering faith that spring weather is just around the corner. For me, this is a warning to beware of spring fever. In my past, this spring fever would lead me to spring into my big time boy addiction. Let me explain why I feel this way.
I hate being alone. This is a “Leslie fact” since I was a young child. I remember distinctly at the age of 6, listening to a radio show about the life of Judy Garland. The DJ described her as a person who was never left alone in a room because she couldn’t stand the sensation of “aloneness”. This resonated with me, even at my very young age, because I identified. To this day, when I am alone, I prefer to have music playing or the television on so as not to have the sensation of being alone with myself.
If you are a “boy addict” like I, the feeling of not wanting to be alone can be so dangerous. When “spring boy fever” hits me, I tend to find a boy and try to make him into someone he simply is not (my man). I do this to have the comfort of not being alone. In my last relationship, I dared to make him be my “exclusive” boy when spring time came. Sadly, I had been dating him for months and he never once asked me to be exclusive with him, nor did he ever make me feel that I was a special part of his life. I was traveling 60 miles several times a week to avoid being alone. I was trying to force my desire to be “filled” and free from “alone”. Once again, I was forcing something that was not to be. Classic “boy addict behavior” of mine.
This year, I am making a conscious decision to do “spring cleaning” to fight my potential for “spring boy fever”. By this I mean I am putting myself in situations where I am discovering I am very happy to be alone with myself. During my most recent vacation, I did the Pacific Coastal drive all alone. I stayed in a nice hotel in San Simeon, CA all alone (for $48 for the night) and I LOVED it. The photo you see is of the amazing sunset I witnessed in Morro Bay, CA.
When I run 26.2 miles, I am usually alone in a crowd of thousands, but not running with anyone I know personally. I do not even wear headphones. For all 15 marathons, I never have. I have learned this is my precious time to be with myself and to take in all the amazing sights and sounds of a marathon. The energy of the run with the people cheering and the inspiration offered by my fellow runners is enough for me to keep going.
So with this I encourage you to be aware of your own possible “boy addiction”. Be aware of your fear of being alone. For in confronting this fear, I have begun to see the universe has a bigger purpose for me. May you find this with yourself as well.
Thank you for reading.