It was about 18 years ago. Finding it hard to believe, that as I currently sit on this airplane ready to run my 15th marathon in L.A., I once dated my “California dream boy”. And as you may have already guessed it, my dream boy turned into my dream disaster.
I love California. I have spent much time in this gorgeous state including living in L.A. for a year and running the San Fran marathon. I have driven the gorgeous state coast line and plan to do it again this trip. The first time I did it was 20 years ago with my 3 girl friends (2 of which remain my ” besties” today).
I met the boy at a party full of my college’s graduates. He was a friend and a few years younger than I. He was TOTALLY adorable and loveable and funny. I was hooked right away. Big green eyes and a sweet humble smile. Not at all, by appearances, my typical “bad boy”. We happily began dating and after about 3 months we decided to take a trip to visit his friend in L.A. and my brother in San Fran. I suggested we drive the same romantic California coast I had driven with my girlfriends.
While in L.A., with his friend who happened to be female, I noticed how she adored him. Of course, being the boy addict I was, this made me very jealous wanting to really sink my claws into this boy. So on our drive north (I was very happy to leave her in the dust of L.A.) I decided it was time to really ” up the romance ante”. I got him onto a beach in San Simeon. There were people all around us lighting bon fires on the beach as we walked hand in hand. It was dark night, with the stars shining brilliantly over the roaring waves of the Pacific (you catch my drift?). So I knew this was the right time and place to boldly go where none of my female friends nor I had ever gone before…To say to him “I love you” first!
Sitting next to him on that sandy beach, with every ounce of courage I had within me, I DID IT! BAM!!! I said ” Pete (not really his name as you can imagine) I love you”. And for as long as I live, I shall NEVER forget his reaction: SILENCE!!!!! Nothing, Nada, zip, zilch, zero. That was that. I felt I had to humbly, with a reddened face, regress into my “shattered self-esteem shell” for the rest of our trip. My heart literally ached, but I wore a smile and “played nice” because it was the only way I knew how to respond back in those days.
I will say this. Since that experience all those years ago, I never tell a boy I love him first. I have learned that my addictive desires are NOT love. Love is the unconditional support, sensitivity, nurturing, and caring I receive from so many. Perhaps if you are reading, you are someone I love. Thank you for being my BEST TEACHER! I am writing this today to proudly tell you “thank you” and “I LOVE YOU TOO!” California here I come. California dreaming of my run…