Dating synchronicity…

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I had the funniest thing happen during a date recently.  In fact, it had NOTHING at all to do with the date.  It had everything to do with my new job and accidentally running into a former colleague who might be a huge asset to my company.  I hadn’t seen him in about 15 years, but during a date ran into him.  He told me he can help me out in a big way in my new position.  Those of you who know me well, know that I call this synchronicity.  To delve deeper into this word, I truly believe when I am following my correct “life path” in a spiritual sense, then synchronicity happens very often.  For me, it’s usually during dates.  I run into an old friend or have a familiar common situation with someone making me feel comfortable in a smaller world.

I had a run this morning referred to as a “kidney run”.  Basically, the run makes monies to support a kidney health charity.  I was telling my friend whom I run with that the first “kidney run” I ever did about 4 years ago was when I had a date with a boy the night before who went into a very detailed description of his kidney disease.  It was a sad story, one in which he had suffered a lot from a rare disorder affecting his kidneys to the point his ex-wife had actually given him one of her functioning kidneys, an act I am most impressed with I must say.  She didn’t even ask for it back after the divorce.  But I digress…  The oddly coincidental part of the story for me was that here I was on a date with a boy I had met on-line and he was describing his kidney disease and I was saying to him, “Oh gosh, tomorrow morning I’m doing a kidney run.”  Silly story, but certainly synchronicity.

I once dated a boy I met on-line who had worked with a colleague of mine.  When I told her I was dating him (as he said I could tell her hello), she exclaimed “Oh my gosh, how is he?  He is such a great guy.  How is his mother?”   Please refer back to my “Don’t date the Momma’s boy” blog.  Needless to say, it didn’t last with this boy. 

One of my favorite synchronicity dating stories is very old school.  Before there was internet dating there was a coffee shop in NY City where I could go and fill out a paper profile and pick boys profiles in binders and we could meet anonymously at the coffee shop to decide if we liked each other.   Well, I got a call that a boy had picked my profile and I agreed to meet him for coffee.  I did see on his paper that he graduated from the same college as I, but it was a big enough school, so I didn’t think much of it.  That was until I walked in and met him and he exclaimed “Oh Leslie, I’m so glad, I knew it was you!”  Turns out that despite his 50 pound weight loss, I recognized him as the boy who stalked a girl on my dormitory floor freshman year!  Needless to say, I quickly ended that coffee meet up and stayed away from that dating concept.

I tell my synchronicity stories because I do believe not only does God have a sense of humor, but he continuously wants to let me know he approves of my journey.  I hope you do too.

Thank you for reading.

Job dating…

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 I am happy to report I have decided to leave a job relationship I have been in for over 16 years.  I am able to leave thanks to “job dating.”  I’ve been sharing this concept with many I speak to and decided that it is blog worthy.   I have been with the company I recently broke up with for so long.  It was turning into a  stale relationship and I badly needed couples counseling with my company, but my company didn’t feel the same way.  It was time to go.  But in order to go, I had to “job date.”  Finding my job is a very similar process to finding my man.  Ultimately it is ALWAYS up to God as he is my life driver, but I started doing the footwork with much support and encouragement from my family and my good friends.  Here are a few simple tips to begin “job dating.”

Update your resume.  This is your “job dating” profile, just like in on-line dating.  You must be sure your resume reflects the latest and the greatest accomplishments in your career.  If you have not polished up your resume recently, you will be surprised at what you can add to it and how you can tweak it to reflect the skills you possess to impress the job you are courting.   If you do not have a resume, then I say shame on you.   This is so very important.  Talk to people and get one going.  Look at other resumes and copy their format.  Resumes are basic and easy.  I have been known to happily edit many over the years (thank you Ithaca College Peer Career Counselor training back in 1992 – still a transferable skill I proudly possess).

Circulate that resume.  Looking at jobs on-line is the same as looking at those on-line dating pictures/profiles.  If you go onto those popular ” job dating” sites you will be surprised what is out there.  If you see one you like send a “wink.”   With on-line dating that is a flirt to say, “Hey I’m interested.”  With jobs posted on-line you can easily forward that resume you polished up.  Why not?  Nothing to lose.  If the picture looks good, may be worth an hour over coffee.

My “job dating” interviews strongly resemble my real world coffee dates.  They are simply meetings serving as self-esteem boosters and it is so good to talk about your skills and abilities with others.  This affirms who you are and that you are so very valuable.  Interviews are not as terrifying as you think.  For myself, having been a professional woman for over 20 years, I have much to talk about.  My interview “job dating” is about as much fun as my coffee-hour meet ups.  Dress up, put on that make up, do that hair, smile and impress!

I’m so happy to report after over a year of “job dating”, God has placed me into a new, exciting job relationship.  Will it be perfect?  Seriously doubt it as nothing is.  Is it perfect for me in my life for today?  A resounding “YES!”  Still seeking my man, but in terms of my job: “CHECK!”

Wherever you are in your life, always be open to the concepts of dating.  And as always, thank you for reading.

Every boy you date can bring a great “take away”…

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Happy Sunday.  I had a lovely day yesterday touring NY City with a dear friend who happens to be my very first boyfriend’s sister.  When I’m with her it is like we never skipped a beat.  I was always her “big sister”, and even though I’m no longer with her brother and have not been in many years, our friendship is special.  We share so much history and many fond memories that it got me thinking that every boy I have dated and/or had a relationship with has given me something to “take away”.

Of course gaining a sister as the result of a long-term relationship is a precious gift.  Her brother was in fact the longest relationship I ever maintained at a whooping seven years.  Certainly, during my internet dating, time spent with boys has been significantly less.  But I’m a believer that every person I meet in life teaches me something valuable about myself .  I’m writing this blog to challenge you to pay attention and look for the gifts meeting new people can bring.

I know dating internet boys has improved my confidence. After all, when I’m out for that one hour coffee meet up, I must be comfortable talking about myself.  I joke with boys and they agree that first dates are much like job interviews.  During these interviews, one must feel comfortable with one’s self to perform well.  I’ve gotten pretty good at talking about me, my passions, my family, my friends, my running (admittedly this topic may be a bit boring for the boys and I am aware I have to limit my “runners talk”).

I have met some pretty amazing boys while dating over the years.  The variety of boys include a filmmaker, a lawyer, a doctor, a professional race horse owner, an engineer, a novelist, and many others.  From each boy encounter I learn a little more about their lives, their careers, their passions and this contributes to me being a well-rounded individual.  Some of the boys remain very kind to me even if we are not a love connection.  For example, when I dated the “filmmaker boy” he mentored the daughter of a friend of mine to the extent that she got credit helping make one of his films.  Even though he and I were not a match he remained very kind to me.  To this day, he is a friend and if I need a favor he would help me.

There are also those boys I have met who are not so kind and perhaps even abusive emotionally.  What I have learned from these experiences is self-love.  I have learned that my life is precious.  My time is not worth wasting on someone abusing me.  One thing I do when I encounter potential abusers is motivate myself to get stronger, live healthier and keep on running.

My “take away” from this blog is that if you are single, dare to date.  There truly is nothing to lose and everything to gain for yourself.

Thank you for reading.

Don’t date a Momma’s Boy…

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momma's boy

Happy Mother’s Day.  I have many great female friends who are amazing mothers and I would like to thank them for inspiring me to write this one today.  Through my relationships and dating over the years I have learned this simple rule I would like to share with you.  “Don’t Date the Momma’s Boy”.  Please allow me to enumerate my reasons:

1.  A Momma’s boy has a mother who does his laundry for him.  I once dated an MD who owned a lovely home.  I couldn’t help but notice, upon my visiting his home for the first time, that it was very sparsely furnished.  He had a bed and a few chairs and it truly did not appear lived in.  When he opened his bedroom closet, I couldn’t help but notice perfectly pressed pants (about 20) lined up neatly.  I asked if he goes to a dry cleaner and he responded, “No my mother does my laundry.”  All of a sudden, I understood that his place had limited furnishings because he spent much more time with his Momma.  His mother lived about an hour away from his home, but clearly her house was more comfortable for him than the one he was “camping out” in.   Needless to say, our relationship never progressed and I kept it moving.

2.  A Momma’s boy has a mother who handles his finances.  I once had a significant relationship in which his mother actually showed me how to pay his bills since she was moving away.  She told me he could never really manage his money on his own.  Boy, did I learn a very tough lesson being involved in a serious relationship with this boy.   As it turned out, I almost went bankrupt as a result of being in this relationship (say no more for now as I’m saving this story for my book).

3.  A Momma’s boy has a mother who thinks he is greater than God.  I would say most of the boys I spent time with have mothers who expect me to “worship” their sons.  The sad result for me is spending a whole lot of time with boys who see no error in their ways.  When I am with boys like this, I end up being the “sinner” and the one who is always wrong.  After all, if the boy is told by his mother he is perfect, how could he possibly do anything wrong?  Imagine me meeting a real man who sees the error in his own ways and might maybe even have the courage to go to therapy to look inward?  Oh, one can dream…

So I hope in reading this, if you are a mother you truly teach your boy to learn to be a man.  I know my “mom friends” are doing an amazing job at this.  Trust me, I know there are men out there.  A very happy Mother’s Day to my sisters who know how to raise great men!

And as always, thank you for reading.

Internet Dating Innocent Boy…

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So I once interacted with an older boy new to the world of Internet dating.   I suppose it is the “helper” in me who felt I needed to coach him (all over texting).   He seemed nice and attractive, but got all “hung up” in my age range of boys I want to meet.   He was 54 and I put 50 as my limit (guess time to change that age range older gal!).  He came right out and told me he met a woman his age who he preferred and expressed not wanting to meet me!   Sad part is he hadn’t even met her face to face.  He simply was clueless to Internet dating and got caught up in my stated age range in my profile.  His pre-conceived notions about strangers on the Internet prevented him from buying me a cup of coffee.  This spawned the dawn of a new blog subject for me:   What I call “Internet dating innocence”.

In talking to folks who Internet date, I realize they can get very hung up in this mode of thinking.   When I was new on the net, I put my heart and soul into every first date.   The more effort I made, the more dissappointed and disillusioned I became when I’d meet boys not my match.  Sadly, I suspect this disheartening phenomenon causes good people to quit Internet dating.

I clearly remember my very first Internet date back in 2010!   I took Metro North all the way into the City to meet him at Bryant Park for drinks.   He walked and walked and struggled for 20 minutes to get us a table for drinks.  I was wondering why he didn’t simply go up to the bar to buy me a drink as there were seats without tables, until the check came to our table and he asked to split it!!!!    When he walked me back to Grand Central, he asked me to see him again, but I was so turned off by him not buying my drink that on the train ride home I knew I’d invested WAY TOO MUCH in a stranger.

Over my years of dating, I have come to learn that my time is an investment. Internet dating breeds a comfort level with a complete stranger that simply should not be there.   I remind daters I speak with that “one hour over coffee close to home” is enough to know if you would like to meet again.   Baby steps…

Sadly I have seen many lonely people embark upon many bad situations with Internet dating strangers.  My goal is to keep you safe and remind you (and myself) that if God has my man for me I will know in time.  I always think perhaps it will be the man at the table next to me on my next Internet dating coffee date?   Time will tell.  Once again, I must end with my favorite quote “the race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep running”.

Happy Dating!  Thank you for reading.