Happy Sunday and happy blog day. I’ve been giving a lot of dating advice to friends this week and I’m discovering I’m saying the same thing over and over again to people. I’m advising others to simply be themselves. I realize that dating and trying to impress a boy out of fear of being alone has caused me to be a person I truly am not happy being. When I fake who I am I wind up with a boy and many headaches. The older I get the more I realize the best person to present to a boy I want to date is me.
Internet dating makes it especially challenging to be yourself. You are required to type a profile and place pictures to strangers in the world-wide web universe. The temptation to present to the world a “perfect you” is great. Trust me, I would love to type that I am 5 foot 5, 125 pounds with natural blonde hair, and that I have climbed Mount Everest. I have learned in my internet dating that even with these “fiblets” to meet the man, the truth eventually comes out either when you meet or get to know each other, so it’s simply easier to tell the truth out of the gate.
As a result, I have a very honest profile. And surprisingly, there are boys out there who pick it because they truly like who I am. I put things like, “I’m looking for a long-term relationship and am not going to move too fast with anyone. I believe kindness is a very attractive quality in another and I do not take kindly to big egos or people who are not kind to others.” If you were to read my profile I really put the tough stuff out there to turn off potentially bad boys. On many levels this seems to be a very effective screening process.
More importantly, the time to be honest and assert who you are as a person comes when you meet the boy for coffee. I have had boys be very pushy about wanting to move fast and I set them straight over that latte. These are the boys I typically never meet up with again for a second date and this makes me very happy as clearly they did not read my profile closely enough.
As I’m getting to know a boy beyond a first date, this is the time to watch, listen and learn. Is he taking a genuine interest in me as a person? When I tell him my honest likes and dislikes and preferences is he respecting me? Does he get excited about the fact I am a strong, independent, intelligent woman who is a catch for any real man? The sad part of the story is that there are many boys on the net who quite simply don’t respect me as a person. They meet me and keep it moving quickly and I am totally at peace with this. I think of the old expression and it gets me through: “A boy’s rejection is God’s protection.”
I am not afraid to be single. In fact, at this phase of my life I sometimes feel I’m more afraid to be in a relationship with a boy who may potentially bring my quality of life down. A man will make my life easier. Somewhere out there, I pray….
Thank you for reading and BE YOURSELF. Please always remember you are your own best company always. There is a man out there for me who will be happy to share in my best company.