Happy Sunday. I realized this weekend that I am single for a lot of reasons. But the #1 reason is that my ego seems to be bigger than most of the boys I meet and date. Quite frankly, they don’t like this. I really cannot blame them.
It is hard to spend time with a woman who has good self-esteem. Boys tend to sometimes be macho and think pretty highly of themselves and humility is a tough task for them. I think they are socialized to be this way. Societal norms call for the boy to be the stronger sex and this is a lot of pressure when a boy feels he cannot keep up with a strong woman.
I notice when I talk about my life with boys I meet, if they are non-complimentary this is a sign that they feel threatened or insecure. I recently attempted to show my marathon medals to someone I briefly dated and he had no reaction. Not even a smile or a remark like “wow, Leslie, that is really great”. What I have learned for myself is that I’d rather be single versus spending time with someone who cannot be happy for me. I often say to these boys that I am not a “showpiece”, but a real woman with strength, opinions, values and ideas that I think are pretty darn valuable. Boys typically don’t like this and they quickly disappear.
I also have noticed that when I talk about my past (not in great detail and never on a first date), I explain that I have been with abusive boys who didn’t respect me. A boy will immediately get defensive and say things like “you shouldn’t let your past judge how you treat me”. I view this as a warning sign that I have met the wrong boy. Defensiveness usually equates to guilt. I use this as a sign that I have met yet another bad boy. In my mind, a real man will embrace my past and my strength and will be impressed by how far I’ve come in my life. My friends and family think I’m very cool for my evolution thus far.
Call me crazy, but I suspect when I meet my man, he will love my race medals. He will adore my growth and want to know it all. I said to this boy I was on a date with that quite simply I plan to say what I need to say. If anyone tries to censor me I plan to “keep it moving”. With that, he told me I am rude! If having good self-esteem makes me rude then I’m happy to be rude! And I was very happy to get him out of my car.
Thank you for reading. Real man, where oh where are you?????