Happy Sunday and happy blog day to my readers (daters and non-daters alike). Today I’m going discuss an important topic if you are seeking your partner: ATTRACTION. It is an interesting topic and very pertinent in the world of dating.
I have always said for myself that boys are like light switches when it comes to me feeling attraction for them. The switch is either “on” or “off” and this usually happens fairly quickly upon meeting someone. I know this is a somewhat shallow way to think about attraction, but most women agree with me. So if you go on a date you should know fairly quickly whether you have that attraction, chemistry, zing, flutter, whatever term you have for it. My dear Aunt (may God rest her amazing soul) used to always tell me when I was much younger that to be in relationship with a boy, you must have this attraction. I do agree.
However, Freud was intelligent enough to discover that what is attractive to we humans is similar to what we grow up in and are familiar with (our familial comfort zone I would call it). Often we find we are attracted to those who treat us in similar ways as to how we were treated within our own homes growing up. How we figure this out in a “light switch instant” is what the popular Oprah star Ianlya would refer to as “in our DNA”. It is fascinating stuff for sure.
So for me, I like my boys rough and tough on the outside, but in need of the “fix” on the inside. I’m a “fixer” for sure. My high school boyfriend would always tell me I walked around with a capital “L” t-shirt on under my blouse ready to whip out my “SUPER L” in a moment’s notice. I am a helper through and through. It is part of my DNA for reasons I’m saving for my book.
This is not necessarily a negative quality in the least. I’m a great caregiver and I receive great satisfaction from giving care. But it also lends to my learning that I must always practice self-care (a skill I can easily neglect). Life is a balance and if I take on caring for others too “hard core” I wind up neglecting myself. This is my constant struggle, but a battle I pray I am winning.
I challenge you to think about your attraction to the boy or the girl. Think about what your pattern is and how you can grow and transform yourself. Of course no great changes happen overnight or happen without the greater love of God. But growth comes if you work at it.
Thank you for sharing in my lessons learned.