Happy Sunday. I have had some funny things happen these past few weeks leading me to blog about boys who are older than 75. Yes, they are out there. And God bless them. I always think a big difference between males and females is the confidence that boys have at all ages that girls simply do not have when it comes to pursuing the opposite sex.
I was at a professional/social event with many older people. When I approached an older gentleman, he explained to me he was age 76. I found out later on that in fact his age is 86. He had an amazing story of being a health care professional for over 40 years and met many famous and powerful people. He was very engaging and interesting, so of course I enjoyed speaking with him. What shocked me was after about a 30 minute conversation and me saying goodbye to him, I came home to find a message from him on my answering machine saying: “Hi Leslie, this is your new friend calling. I’m wondering when you are going to come to my home?”. I realized that at this event I was wearing a name badge, so this clever 86-year-old got my last name and found my home number. I am now unlisted. I never called him back.
Another time, I was travelling for work when I decided to be brave and dine out alone. I went to a very popular restaurant where all the seats were taken except one seat at the bar next to an older looking man. After chatting with him awhile, I shared my business card thinking he knows many older people who might be interested in my work. We kept chatting and he explained how he is age 76 and surviving a “loveless” marriage. He also had his PhD and had been a high-ranking administrator at many prestigious universities, so needless to say our conversation was interesting. He left before me and I was relieved. I had been sure to tell him he reminded me of my father as he was giving me good “fatherly” advice about my career and about dating. I was sure to tell him I had a boyfriend just to keep myself safe.
Well, the next morning there was a message on my work answering machine about how he couldn’t wait to see me again. Then he wrote me an e-mail wanting to continue to see me (even though he lives far away from me). He suggested we could safely “chat” on Facebook! I explained very graciously that I shared my business card with him for professional reasons and not personal reasons and was sorry he got the “wrong idea” from our conversation. He was nice enough to write back and explain he completely understood my feelings and wished me well. PHEW!
The point of this blog is this: Lonely comes in all ages, shapes and sizes. It can be very sad. But being alone is a choice that can be very empowering. When I’m 76 or 86, I’m pretty sure I’ll still be very active and passionate about life whether I have a man or not. I don’t imagine I will be “hitting on” 44-year-old boys, but one never knows…
Thanks for reading.
I would like to take the opportunity to thank a wise former co-worker for helping me come up with this weeks “boy addiction” topic: As a woman, you can be whole and complete without a boy. As most of you who read me know me fairly well by now, you know I struggle with “boy addiction” and with learning to feel whole without a boy. I think many women struggle with this concept. I think many boys know this and take full advantage of this. I know that when I chose to be alone it is because I am working on my “wholeness” and I am getting better and better at it.
Over the years, it has become very powerful for me to tell a boy that I’m ok with being alone. I often get criticized for making this hard choice. I hear things like “I am selfish”, “I am crazy”, and “I am doing something wrong”. It hurts to hear these things. This hurt can push me to try to be with boys who are wrong for me because I feel I am “not normal”. It is a couples world and feeling lonely can be very painful (as I blogged about last week).
I am discovering, as I write today, that I am whole! I am complete. I do not need to find my “other half” because I possess both of my halves – the half who is healthy and running and filled with joy and the half who gets lonely and hurts and feels the pain of not being in a relationship. What makes me realize that I am whole is that I can openly talk about my feelings and people love and value me for this. So I know I’m on the right track. I never regret living my life out loud as this is who I am. The whole Leslie! It’s nice to love the whole me.
So boys will come and go. And if I happen to meet my man – he is not going to complete me. He is going to challenge me to affirm my wholeness. He is going to love and accept me exactly the way I am because I have learned to do this for myself. And once again, I must thank my friends and family for being instrumental in helping me to feel whole. Last night I had such quality time with friends who love me just for being me. I put on no act for them. So I plan to put on no act for any boy.
Just the way God loves us all exactly as we are, look for the people in your lives who do this for you. This is especially important if you do not feel whole in the relationship you currently in. YOU ARE WHOLE! You are so completely and unconditionally loved. Let the universe send you great people to affirm this. Perhaps one day I will meet my man. Perhaps not. But recovering from boy addiction is where it’s at for this whole gal.
Thanks for reading!
Happy Sunday! Once again as part of my truth-telling I have decided to end my relationship. I am VERY SAD to write about this but feel it is important to my journey and my blog. I have been told that I “scared him away”. He is in a very different place in his life. Because of his reality, I’m sure I am scary. For me, this means that I’m holding to my standards and expectations of my man and letting go of my boy addictive behaviors. AND IT IS REALLY HARD FOR ME. There were so many great things about spending time with him (as I’ve been blogging about) so once again choosing to be alone is hard. The trick is fighting feeling lonely.
I’m learning that being alone can be empowering as long as I can combat my feelings of lonely. Lonely leads to my boy addiction behaviors. Lonely leads me to accept things about boys I should not accept as I am not being true to me. If I stay in a relationship to not be lonely, the other bad feelings creep in such as unhappiness and unfulfilled expectations of my partner. This causes arguments and drama that are very unhealthy for me – been there, done that. So today, since I am once again single, I’m continuing to do the things to combat lonely. I keep doing them whether I’m with someone or not and I’m proud of this!
Running, being with friends, being with family, and embracing my new career are a big focus for me. This helps tremendously. Today, as I write on a Saturday, I’m headed into the city to visit with my newly married cousin (I adore his wife too) with my Dad (my rock). Tomorrow I meet my beloved running partner Rose to embark upon a day of running and biking. Sounds fun right?
Life is worth living. A relationship is a choice. My concept of a man is my choice. What a man means to me is extremely subjective and personal. I don’t expect many members of the opposite gender to truly understand. And when they cannot live up to my expectations and don’t care to understand what I need from them, I do expect them to be angry. Makes sense.
I think the hardest part is the world of Facebook. I have chosen to be public with my life and when I put a picture of he and I on Facebook, I received so many positive responses (more than when I finish a marathon) that I feel embarrassed to admit that he and I didn’t work out. In fact, the first thing he asked me to do was to take our picture off Facebook, but due to my embarrassment I have not gotten myself to do it quite yet. So many of you are so happy for me when you see me in partnership with someone. I thank you. And I’m saddened to say it did not work out. But I’m also ok with telling you. And he is a great boy. In so many ways he is very adorable and has a heart of gold. He is just not my man. And he knows too (and he reads me, so I pray he forgives my truth and chooses not to be angry at me – a tall order, but since he is so good I expect he will come around).
I’m ok with choosing to be alone until I don’t scare the right man away. He is out there…
One day at a time…
Thank you always for reading.
Happy Sunday. I was sitting on my good friend’s deck this past week lamenting over my struggles with what to write about now that I’m in a relationship. I started to tell her about some funny dating stories. Her immediate reaction was “be careful Leslie, as you might offend some readers”. My friend is very kind hearted and always acknowledges the goodness in others. This got me thinking that when I was dating what was a “dating don’t” for me may be an attractive quality to another. This is what got me thinking to write my dating blog about the topic of dating is subjective.
First story: I walked into my favorite coffee shop for my first date with a boy. As soon as I greeted him I observed he was an older gentleman who seemed a bit too old for my match. When I looked down and saw his white sneakers with Velcro closures that sealed the “done” deal for me. I truly couldn’t take my eyes off his feet. I know this is TOTALLY superficial as a way to assess a date but all I could think of was that the elderly folks I work with wear those. Call me superficial. I admit. The entire hour over coffee was spent with me staring down. Just couldn’t get past his foot fashion choice for a first date. Next!
Then there was a boy who met me right outside my car and exclaimed “Hi Leslie! Do you want to meet my friend?” Upon my responding yes, he walked me to his car’s backseat window and proceeded to point to a bright green blow up “alien doll” belted in. He was very happy and proud of that green doll from another planet and he simply could not wait to show me. I’m sure there is some “extra terrestrial digging chick” ready for this boy. But a “next” for me.
Then there was a boy who brought a drink to me and within 5 minutes of meeting me had his hand on my knee talking about going back to his house. Sadly the Internet breeds many of these boys and when they only look at my photos and do not read my profile, they are very disappointed. I pushed his hand away and immediately asked him why he didn’t read my profile. If he had read it he would have learned that I’m not looking to jump into bed with any boy. I had clearly written that I was seeking a long term relationship and my profile was very clear.
So thanks for reading my dating stories. Subjective as they appear to be, dating gets you to know me. Makes me vulnerable and you too! But dare to date. And more importantly always assert who you are. This is being subjective and proud of it!
Happy Sunday. My boyfriend and my girlfriends do not want me to write about my bugs. I get it. But I promised my readers truth telling, so here goes…
In my front closet, there is an overabundance of items being stored. Cluttered would be the correct term to describe the closet. Over the years, I have been aware that an occasional water bug would appear and disgust myself and my roommate to the point of screaming bloody murder. One night we lured one into our building’s hallway to commit the murder and you would think our neighbors would have called the police upon hearing the volume of our screams. If you have never seen a water bug, you are lucky. Basically they resemble a cockroach drinking Miracle Grow. I keep a can of maximum strength hornet spray ready for the occasional need to kill.
The problem began last Wed. night when my roommate confessed she found not one, but two water bugs in the closet. She told me when she opened the door, they ran behind the clutter and she knew they were in hiding. We became absolutely filled with terror. We attempted to start taking items out of the closet to find them, but both of us knew we just were too afraid at what we could possibly discover deep inside that closet. I jumped into “girl action” and called my boyfriend. He told me he was having dinner with his daughter and was 2 hours away from me. But he asked the simple question “Leslie do you really need me?” And I said “yes!”
About 2 and a half hours later he was at my door cleaning the entire closet, killing the bugs, a nest, and stuffing their point of entry with aluminum foil. All without one complaint. There was only one moment when I was cowering outside the apartment in the hallway where I heard him exclaim “Oh, sh..!” and since he is a calm man, I knew he found the bug couple. He described the nest he found inside one of the plastic bags stored in the closet as the “mother ship” and black bagged it up, took it to the outside garbage area, and NEVER complained to me even once.
The point of this story is not to discuss any more these creatures who terrorize myself and my roommate, but to highlight someone I often call a boy becoming a man to me because of these bugs. I kept thinking of that song from the 80’s “I Need a Hero”. He was truly my hero. I want to thank this man for being there for me in my time of need and simply helping me make my life a little easier. My roommate thanks him too.
In thinking back to all of my long-term relationships, I’m not sure any one of my “past life boys” would have driven that far late at night. He even had to get up early the next day for his job, but he came with no complaints just to help me out. Look for this quality in a good man. They are out there.
Thanks for reading. Hope I didn’t give you bug nightmares!