Even if He’s Hot, He Didn’t Buy Me a Cup of Coffee…

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Happy Sunday and time for a dating story.  It was a basic “Leslie style” first date.  The plan was to meet at my favorite local coffee shop and have a cup.  He seemed very nice over some texting and we had a conversation on the phone that went well.  His picture on his internet dating profile looked good and he seemed excited to meet me.  He was also geographically desirable, living not too far away from me.

I did give him a bit of a “run around” on the Sunday before our date as we had planned to speak on the phone over some texts.  I took my time calling him, but texted him that I needed to call him later in the day.  He texted me back that he was fine with this plan.   By the time I called him that night, he didn’t answer and simply told me he had fallen asleep.  That was fine.  It happens easily with us middle-aged folks.

On the day of our date, he texted me that he was stuck in traffic.  I texted him back to alert me when he was 10 minutes away, assuming it would take me 10 minutes to drive to the coffee shop.  Well, since he didn’t have the most advanced cell phone technology (another sign of middle age) by the time he texted me he was 2 minutes away from the coffee shop.  His text got to me very slowly thanks to his slow phone.   Since I was running 5 minutes late already,  this made me about 15 minutes late.  So when I arrived he was sitting at an outdoor table drinking his cup of coffee.

He stood up to greet me, but immediately sat down.  I noticed right away he was what I would describe as “middle age hot”.  He had rather large upper body muscles and a very nice face.  Some tattoos showing in addition.  I stood talking to him for about a minute while he sat drinking his coffee and told me to “go inside and buy myself a cup of coffee”.  He never made a move to go in and buy my cup of coffee.  So in I went.

I stood in front of the counter thinking I should just walk right out and drive home.  He broke my “cardinal rule” of refusing to buy me a cup of coffee.  I was talking to myself, when all of a sudden my “sick” boy addict tendencies started making excuses for “hot boy”.  I was thinking:  “Leslie, on Sunday you took your time calling him” and “Leslie, you ran 15 minutes late to meet him”.  Why was I making excuses for him?  THIS IS WHAT A BOY ADDICT DOES WHEN THE BOY IS HOT.

So I went back out, drank coffee with him and had a mediocre chat with him.  Nothing earth shattering for sure.  I made a second date with him.  The day before our date, I began asking him over texts to call me to make the plan and guess what?  He was too busy to call me to make a plan.  He kept texting me that he would call me and he never did.   I basically got back to my “boy sober” senses and told him to forget a second date.  I woke up and realized this was a “full of himself hot boy” who was going to do nothing for me, but constantly think he was better than me. Once again, been there, done that.  NEXT!!!!!!

So no more making excuses for boys because of boy addiction.  Fortunately blogging helps me to remind myself of my bad behaviors. Hot boys can be very bad for me and my health!  THANK YOU for reading and for helping me keep myself real.  Be aware of your addictive tendencies when it comes to the opposite sex.  We “havn’t got time for the pain…”

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To background check or not to background check…

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Happy Sunday and happy dating fellow “boy addicts” and “girl addicts”.  I get a lot of feedback from both boys on-line and friends I discuss background checks with when I am dating.  But I say “why not”?  Perhaps you think this is a little too much, but allow me to once again share my dating experiences and explain “why”.

Probably my most compelling reason to run a background check on a boy I meet on-line, who I am considering spending my valuable time with, is that I acknowledge a very important on-line dating truth:  YOU ARE MEETING A STRANGER!  Sometimes I laugh to myself when I state the obvious to others, but due to the nature of internet dating I often find myself saying this.  Dating on-line is no different from meeting a boy out socially that no one knows and can vouch for.  This is a stranger who comes with no references.  In my world, this means you need to vet this person very carefully.  Sadly, internet dating often causes daters to feel that by reading a profile (of what the other person wants you to think of them) you know the person “so well”.  Truth is – YOU DON’T.  It takes such a long time to really get to know a person you are attempting to be in a relationship with.

I have had some really crazy things happen meeting strangers on-line (as you already know).  How about the time someone threatened to strangle and kill me over the telephone?  Thank God I never met him and when I ran a background check I learned he had a criminal record of DWI’s.  Background checks ensure that the person you are meeting is safe.  All this means is you are learning the same public information anyone is privy to learn on you on the internet.  Background checks only provide consolidated public information on a person.  If you had the time to research you could slowly learn everything you see on a background check because all information is for the public record.  But us busy daters do not have the time.  SO RUN ONE!

And be forthright with the boy you are going to do this.  In fact, often when you tell a boy you are going to do this, he will come out with his “dirt”.  I once had a boy share with me his corporate felony charge and he saved me the $30 background check and a second date with him.  I put directly into my on-line dating profile that “I will run a background check on you” recognizing that boys who have criminal or financial pasts will not bother with dating me.  PERFECT!

Hope this is making some sense to you.  And if it’s not, perhaps you have things to hide?  My ex-husband used to say “never put anything on the internet you are not willing to shout from a rooftop for everyone to hear” – even though he was not the “man” for me, boy was he correct about this.  We live in a  very public world where every move we make can be discovered.  So my advice – LIVE LIFE OUT LOUD and run those checks.

Happy dating.  Thanks for reading.

My Weakness is my Strength…

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Happy Sunday. The title of today’s blog is a concept I have been introduced to from several different sources over the years.  Since “weakness becomes strength” resonates so strongly for me and explains why I blog, I decided this would be a good topic of discussion for today.  Thank you for allowing me to explain.

My weakness is super crystal clear to me and something I often say to others.  I will quote what I say:  “In my life, I am excellent with my friends and family and even the amazing roommates (3 to date) I find on Craig’s List, but I’m awful in finding my man.”   Since I am a “great gal” and very outgoing with lots going for me this can often confuse folks trying to figure out why I am single.  I have even seen some of my readers downright angry at me making me feel as if I’m doing things purposefully to stay single and to not give others a chance.  Well, I’m here today to assert this is simply NOT TRUE.  I give everyone more than a chance.  Often too much of a chance to my detriment.  Why I blog about boy addiction because if I do not put myself first when I date I risk putting my sanity and my health in danger.

It can be very depressing not being able to meet my man.  Waiting is the hardest part, but I do believe it will happen one day.  So what does a gal like me do with my time besides run like a crazy fool?  I write.  I attempt to inspire and make others laugh.  I entertain.  I help others bring up their “dating memories” and/or identify with their “people addiction” tendencies.  So many of you tell me you hope I stay single because you enjoy reading my adventures and lessons.  To these folks, I thank you.

I recently heard a speaker who explained that her weakness became her strength and I had my “Oprah style ah-ha” moment.  I thought that my purpose in life is to share my story in a fun way and that me thinking being single in middle age is a “weakness” actually turns into my biggest “strength”.   After all, I do have good stories. Next time a boy on a date asks “why are you single”, I am simply going to answer “because this is my life purpose for today”.

I truly do not think this is forever, but for today this makes me who I am.   STRONG!  Thank you for reading.

Being single in a couples world…

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Happy Sunday!   The pressure in society is great to be a part of a “couple”.   I was on a date recently (not a match at ALL!) and he asked the notorious question:  “why is a girl like you single?”    He told me he needed to get me off the Internet so he could date me because a “girl like me” should not be on there.  He got me thinking about a “girl like me” and just what this means for me, so here goes.

1.  A girl like me is not a prize to be won at the fair.   This date told me twice how “hot” I am.   While compliments are nice, being told on a first date “how hot I am” several times makes me feel more like the hanging stuffed animal (you know the super big one you wanted to win) above the hanging balloons you were attempting to break with those blunt darts at the fair?     I think you understand the image I’m creating.   While Internet dating is a way to meet a possible man, there are a TON of boys on there who think I’m a prize needing to be won – WRONG!

2.  A girl like me is really getting better and better at choosing to be alone.   Over my years of Internet dating, I’ve learned being alone is a healthy choice.   My quality of life way surpasses the quality of life of the boys I meet.  I refuse to remain “coupled off” with a boy if he is not going to help make my life a little bit better.  I’m standing firm to this.   This makes it more than ok to be single!

3.  A girl like me has learned to cherish her inner strength and independence.   Many tell me that I have a great life – and I do!   Just because I’m not with another “boy half” doesn’t mean I have a disease that could limit my potential.  With a strong mind and body, I can hold down a great job, maintain a loving family and friends, and run marathons!  Not bad for a lonely middle aged single gal forever seeking her man.

Don’t get me wrong.  I would love to cross his path.  But until then I can be that girl happy in my single world!  Thank you for reading.