To background check or not to background check…

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Happy Sunday and happy dating fellow “boy addicts” and “girl addicts”.  I get a lot of feedback from both boys on-line and friends I discuss background checks with when I am dating.  But I say “why not”?  Perhaps you think this is a little too much, but allow me to once again share my dating experiences and explain “why”.

Probably my most compelling reason to run a background check on a boy I meet on-line, who I am considering spending my valuable time with, is that I acknowledge a very important on-line dating truth:  YOU ARE MEETING A STRANGER!  Sometimes I laugh to myself when I state the obvious to others, but due to the nature of internet dating I often find myself saying this.  Dating on-line is no different from meeting a boy out socially that no one knows and can vouch for.  This is a stranger who comes with no references.  In my world, this means you need to vet this person very carefully.  Sadly, internet dating often causes daters to feel that by reading a profile (of what the other person wants you to think of them) you know the person “so well”.  Truth is – YOU DON’T.  It takes such a long time to really get to know a person you are attempting to be in a relationship with.

I have had some really crazy things happen meeting strangers on-line (as you already know).  How about the time someone threatened to strangle and kill me over the telephone?  Thank God I never met him and when I ran a background check I learned he had a criminal record of DWI’s.  Background checks ensure that the person you are meeting is safe.  All this means is you are learning the same public information anyone is privy to learn on you on the internet.  Background checks only provide consolidated public information on a person.  If you had the time to research you could slowly learn everything you see on a background check because all information is for the public record.  But us busy daters do not have the time.  SO RUN ONE!

And be forthright with the boy you are going to do this.  In fact, often when you tell a boy you are going to do this, he will come out with his “dirt”.  I once had a boy share with me his corporate felony charge and he saved me the $30 background check and a second date with him.  I put directly into my on-line dating profile that “I will run a background check on you” recognizing that boys who have criminal or financial pasts will not bother with dating me.  PERFECT!

Hope this is making some sense to you.  And if it’s not, perhaps you have things to hide?  My ex-husband used to say “never put anything on the internet you are not willing to shout from a rooftop for everyone to hear” – even though he was not the “man” for me, boy was he correct about this.  We live in a  very public world where every move we make can be discovered.  So my advice – LIVE LIFE OUT LOUD and run those checks.

Happy dating.  Thanks for reading.

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