Not “Having Game” could be “Game” for Middle Age Dating…

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Happy Sunday.  Been thinking lately that there are some “nice guys” out there who could potentially turn into my man.  Why am I thinking this you may ask?  Because I’ve been dating a nice guy recently who always says he “doesn’t have game”.  I find myself saying to him “maybe in middle age not having game is having game”.   Now I will explain.

Part of being a boy addict in recovery is coming to the realization that what I have found attractive in boys in my past NEVER has worked for me.  As a boy addict, I always choose unavailable boys who couldn’t be there for me emotionally.  Sadly, in my twenties, those are the boys this guy is describing.  Those boys had “game” – you know what I mean ladies.  The smooth talking, hot looking, get the girls, “show-offs” who always had a girl on their arms.  Those boys, while seemingly attractive to me, NEVER made me feel special.

Then came my thirties.  I wanted to be married and to start a family.  Despite the fact that I was neglecting my personal health and allowing myself to be overweight, I forced a boy to be a man in my mind and I married him.  Needless to say, it turned out to be a disaster and I had to learn the VERY hard way to start practicing great self-care.

Now in my forties, and after SO MANY BOY HEART BREAKS, I blog and publically proclaim what I need from a man who I pray I will end up with.  The reason I do this is that I hope there are folks out there just like me – both men and women alike – who are learning to accept nothing less than a partner who enhances life.

So Mr. “Guy with No Game” – I commend you.  You are looking mighty good to us boy addicts in recovery.  All that is left is time.  My biggest life lesson is that relationships take loads of time to grow and evolve and develop trust.  I always give time, time.  But looking like a great start.

Thanks for reading.

Dating is not black or white…leave room for gray

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black and white

Happy Marathon Sunday!  Today I took 26.2 in Yonkers despite the cold and hills.  I am always so grateful to having completed this task.  I never take for granted my body’s willingness to cooperate and the good friends who run along side of me.  Especially my amazing Rose.  I must admit I’m very tired tonight and plan to keep this brief.  A friend recently accused me of sometimes being too wordy in my blog, so here goes…

Just like everything in life, if you are dating do not view others in black and white.  Leave room for gray.  You see, I have met some great boys in my dating who became special to me.  They have had some very endearing qualities.  I have met great fathers.  That is always a very attractive quality for me.  Since I have never had my own children I really respect good parents.  Some of the fathers I have dated are truly amazing and receive the utmost unconditional love from their children.  I can NEVER fault a boy for this.

I have met some really great family members.  It is heartwarming to be dating a boy who has a great family who treats me well.  Several of my ex’s have family members continue to love me unconditionally.  Perhaps they send me an annual “happy birthday” message or send a note of love on Facebook.  Some enjoy reading me.  Bless you.  It is all appreciated.

I have had some really great times with the boys I have dated.  Whether it be I’m taken out on a terrific date or wedding or a fun day at the beach, these are times I can truly say I will never regret.  What becomes hard in these situations is coming to my own conclusion that while there are many things I like about the boy, they simply do not fit my “bill” for the man I am seeking.  Leaving these boys can be very painful.  I am fortunate a few of them are ok with “texting friendships” and keeping connected because, after all, we have developed friendships based in admiration and respect.  All great stuff.

So this being said, keep an open mind to keeping your dating “gray”.  A boy can fit into your life well, even if he is not your man.  Be clear who your man will be and hold firm to this.  And be honest and direct when letting boys down.  This is your life and your choices and your happiness.  VERY IMPORTANT and I truly believe my man is worth the wait.  “Soul mate” in the form of my man is a very tall order after all…

Thank you for reading.

Marathon season and dating…

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Leslie

Happy Sunday.  Many of my readers know this is marathon season for me yet again. Most would refer to this time of year as the fall, but for a crazy running fool like I, it is my marathon season.  In the next few weeks I will be attempting 2 full marathons of 26.2 miles should God permit my body yet again to cooperate.  I never take my runs for granted.  This being said, I do put in the hard work to feel fairly confident that I will complete my 17th and 18th full marathons.  What gives me this confidence you might ask?  Well, the answer is simple.  I run.  And when I am injured, I rest.  I try very hard to treat my body with the respect my body deserves.  I could not achieve the satisfaction of crossing the finish line without doing all of the “homework” involved to get there.

Dating to meet my man seems to be a similar process.  Many people, after hearing all of my crazy dating stories, wonder why I still date.  In thinking about this, it is for the same reason I still run.  I’m doing my “dating homework”.   I love the joy involved in dreaming of crossing the finish line.  The good news with marathon training is that I have had the pure exhilaration of crossing that finish line 16 times so far.  The news with dating is that I have not crossed my finish line yet.  But I am not sad.  I am optimistic.

Dating, like running, takes a lot of work and endurance.  It is so much effort that I have cut back significantly from when I began. I probably go on 1-2 dates a month compared to 1-2 a week (pure exhaustion).  I keep my dates very simple and do not put too much heart or effort into them.  I decided my goal on dates is to be 100% myself and to be patient.  Jut like running, I listen to my body and rest when I need to rest.   I trust the Universe to the extent that God is always providing me exactly what I need to be happy in my life.

Marathons have taught me that hard work and self-care reap great rewards.  They force me to put myself first and to take great care of myself.  What can lead to a happier life than this I ask?  So my advice to my readers this Sunday is to consider always putting yourself first, focus on good health and taking good care of your body and soul.  Next comes being good to those souls who love you unconditionally, just because you are you.  These are the people who are worthy of your undivided love and attention.   These folks will give you the strength to do good deeds for the rest of the world so greatly in need.  My ultimate goal would be for my man to join in alongside me in my process.  I do believe my “true soul mate” is out there putting in the same hard work as I to lead us to each other.

Until then, I marathon!  Thank you for reading.

Is your price tag high?

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Carolyn blog

Happy Sunday readers.  I want to begin by thanking my friend Carolyn who shared this writing with me yesterday when I was not certain what I was going to write about today.  I am so thankful for my friends who inspire me everyday to be the best person I can be.  Carolyn – congratulations on running your very first marathon today in Portland Oregon.  As always, hard work and dedication pays off and I know you will have an amazing run and finish!  So proud of you.

I read this writing Carolyn sent me over and over again because it truly affirms why I choose to be single.  I set my price tag high for myself and I’m holding to it.   Dating is fun and has enabled me to allow some very nice boys into my life who have taught me and continue to teach me valuable lessons about my self-worth.  Making a decision to be in a relationship with a boy is a risky venture and one I’m not willing to jump into and remain in for the long haul if I find that he is no longer valuing my worth.  As I always say to myself and to my readers, I’m waiting for my man.

There was a tragic story in my parents hometown this past week where a woman my Dad knew, worked with and was fond of was killed in a domestic violence situation that was very violent.  After 27 years of marriage and 4 children, I can only imagine what kind of living hell she was staying in because she thought she couldn’t get out.  I get it!  And I feel very blessed to have had the support and love of family and friends to always be able to extricate from boys who could potentially do me harm.  Too many women feel they have no choice but to stay in a situation that could eventually end their life.  I pray that I am never in that situation ever again in my life and I am thankful for the freedoms I have today  to “set my price tag high”.

God always sends us life lessons, some of which are very tough to understand.  I never thought after leaving an abusive marriage and surviving several major “boy heartbreaks” in my life that I would consider myself truly blessed as a single woman in my mid-forties with no children, but I do!  I just told my father how thankful I am that I am blessed and he agreed.

I could never do what I do without the love and support I receive.  I cannot say this enough.  Carolyn, it’s the folks like you who keep me running and writing and trying to keep myself “behind the glass” of a very high-end department store.  Only a real man – one who’s honest, sincere, giving, caring, responsible and loving and willing to treat me like the gold I am, will get to pick me out of the case.  Until then, I encourage you to evaluate your price tag and do your best to aim high!

Thank you for reading.