Thinking like a single person…

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  Good morning and Happy Sunday readers and daters.   I often say to my married friends “think like a single person.”   When I say this, I’m not telling them to go out and date or meet a new partner.   What I am telling them in fact is to live life on their own terms based on what makes them happy.   Single people learn how to do this very well.  I have proudly learned to do this very well.   Allow me to explain.

Often I’m in situations with other people where I respond with my living as a single person mind.   For example, when I get asked to run a half marathon or a full marathon I typically say “yes”.   I have no one to ask or to be concerned with my my race schedule.  It can be very full but with no one at home to wonder where I am (except my beloved cat Missy), it’s easy to say “yes” to my runs.  But even with someone at home, shouldn’t we all be ok with doing what we are passionate about doing and not fret about our partner?   Think like a single person?

When I get that spontaneous invite from a gal pal I can typically go.  No one is waiting at home for me wondering where I am.  There is no one to ask what they think.   I can be spontaneous and think this way. And I love this!  But even with a partner why can’t we be spontaneous?   Do we have a person in our lives who supports this and if not can we think like a single person and be spontaneous anyway?

In addition, single minded people are really into self-care.   We are trying to find our man so of course we go to the gym, wear make up, lose weight.   But shouldn’t we maintain great self care even in a relationship?  Are you thinking like a single person???

Please do.  Enough said.  Thank you for reading!

Progress in Dating not perfection…

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Happy Monday!   This is officially the first time I missed a Sunday blog since it all began 91 blogs ago.   Thank you to my loyal readers who caught my “missed” blog yesterday.  I must say I am in a new job consuming my time and energy.  I worked 7 days in a row and literally couldn’t stay awake last night to write (couldn’t run yesterday morning either!).  All of my life madness got me thinking about an expression I learned in a self-help program many years ago: “Progress not Perfection.”   It got me thinking that in dating and forming a relationship with another I need to always think about progress and never expect perfection.

I think about the simple act of me missing a blog or missing a run.   I say to myself “so what” if I start beating myself up mentally.   Life is not meant to be lived perfectly.  It is meant to be lived imperfectly.  The goal is not perfection, the goal for me is progress:  learning from my mistakes, growing, falling back, pushing ahead, praying for progress.   Not an easy task.

My new job is a start up program so everything is brand new and myself and my staff are learning new processes as we go along.  What we do not know, we create.   It is hard as a Director to not have all the answers for my team, but I’m honest with them and they seem to appreciate us all learning and growing together.

So in my dating, I figure why not lead my “dating team” of readers in this process we are making up as we go along.  Let’s face it daters: Dating is like a start up program.  It is messy and we don’t have the answers. We forge ahead and pray to learn and grow.  This is why I share my experiences with you.  My dating is simply “Progress not Perfection.”

I’m dating a lovely man right now who truly seems to be all the qualities I’ve been writing about.  But he is far from perfect.  Heck, he will tell you that himself.   I tell him how far from perfect I am, but he is willing to take things slow with me and pray for progress.   I have not convinced him to read my blog as of yet, but rumor is one of his close relatives found me and reads me!  (Hope to meet you soon).

I wish you all a blessed Thanksgiving holiday.  Make progress with those you love.  No one is perfect but the Divine.   We were not created to be!

Single/Dating/Relationships…the Choice is all Yours

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Happy Sunday to my single, dating and relationship friends.   Thinking about you all always and realizing each day that life is all about the choices we make.   In the infinite words of my father “Les, make your choice and don’t look back”.  The power in his statement lies in the fact I have choices.  Choices are mine and mine alone.   Either I make healthy choices or unhealthy ones, and boy addicts struggle with this constantly.  I know!  In terms of a healthy choice I have made in my past, I am thinking about an old school dating story.  

He was a very handsome 20 something.  People called him JKF Jr.   He seemed to like me and kept taking me on dates and I was in my glory showing off this handsome boy.  All the while my gutt was telling me I wasn’t his only girl.   But in my 20’s the wedding invitations were flowing in and I certainly wanted a date to go with and he said yes!  So I was happy.  I made plans of what to wear and who was going to do my hair and make up.  Most importantly I replied “yes” to 2 people on my invitation reply.

It was 4 days before the wedding and he cancelled our date planned for 7:00 at 5:00 and he sounded very guilty.   In this moment, I had a choice.  Ignore his suspicious behavior and continue with my wedding plan to bring him as my handsome JFK date or go to the wedding alone.

Back in those days, with no cell phones, I called his answering machine and said something like this, “Hi, this is Leslie. I cannot help but feel you are not being honest with me about why you cancelled our date tonight, so I will need to cancel our plan to go to the wedding together this Sat.”   I went to that wedding alone and sat with all couples and had an empty chair next to me.  But I danced and laughed and looked good!  And I had a blast going solo.

And I never heard from him again.  Not even a “return phone call attempt to explain.”  A few months later my friends saw him out to dinner with another blonde.   We all know JFK’s like blondes!  LOL.  And I like myself.  And in cases like being with JFK or being alone, I CHOOSE ALONE!   And I like it…

Thank you for reading.

“The Race Isn’t Always to the Swift, but to Those Who Keep Running”

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Happy Sunday readers.  I’ve been thinking a lot about this favorite quote of mine.  When I was about 10 years old, I purchased a poster of a woman running along a long winding road with this quote written below:  “The Race Isn’t Always to the Swift, but to Those Who Keep Running.”  I proudly hung this poster up in my room and kept it there for many years.  I was drawn to this picture and quote and I had no idea as to why.  Today I realize it was my life’s journey “foreshadow”.  A sign from the Universe that I would be an endurance runner.  Perhaps even a sign that I would be an endurance dater.

Today I decided to “google” this quote only to find that the message is taken from the Bible.  The message is more specifically written “The race is not given to the swift nor the strong but he who endures until the end”.  A fascinating concept which goes through my mind during every marathon run I take on.  Marathons are ENTIRELY about endurance.  No matter what my pace, and I have done faster and slower runs, the completion is always HARD.  What makes running a marathon hard is the desire to stop when your goal is to keep going. If you do not push through the pain, you will not receive the glory of the finish line and the beloved medal.

Recovering from boy addiction is an endurance event for me too.  My dating life has been a “long haul” endeavor with the hopes I will find a man to help make my life better.  Since I desire a man, I continue to date.  There has been great pain and a desire to stop MANY times during my 5 plus years of dating.  One way to combat the pain of dating boys is to blog.  Making something painful become a funny true life entertaining story for others becomes a cathartic approach for me to keep dating.  You who are reading me are my “cheerleaders”.  You are the folks who don’t mind standing out in the cold at mile 23 waiting for me to pass by so you can yell “keep going Leslie”.

So my advice to all you “hard-core daters” and “boy/girl addicts”: continue to keep yourself happy in your life.  Find what you love to do and engage in your passion.  Keep on dating and keep it simple.  Take NOTHING personally and wait for the Universe to send you that person who makes you smile.  Until then, I know for SURE you can do this for yourself.

Thanks for reading…

Am I a Girl or Am I a Woman?

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Happy Sunday readers.  I got asked the question this week:  “Leslie, do you think you are a girl or a woman?”  It was like getting “socked” between the eyes.  I liked the question so much because it forced me to examine my own behaviors.  Something that has always been so hard for me to do.  I suspect this is hard for most of us.  It is so much more fun for me to write about boys and tell funny stories.  BUT, in an effort to be healthier, I would like to tackle this question.  The answer is, “I have qualities of both girl and woman.”  Allow me to explain…

As a girl, I am desperately in need of attention from boys.  This is why for the majority of my life, I have craved boys who treat me the way a girl would expect to be treated.  For example, not receiving emotional intimacy or positive reinforcement from a boy for being “me” was acceptable to me as a girl.  Hence, why boy addiction is so toxic for me.  I truly want to be a woman.

As a woman, I am fulfilling my own power.  Today, with the help of God, I plan to tackle the City of NY 26.2 for my 4th time and I am so proud of my inner “woman strength”.  I also make sure I get my blog out no matter what, and I feel this is very “womanly” of me.  I really desire to reach out to others and help them along my journey (and make you all either laugh and/or think every Sunday), all qualities I pray make me a woman.

The woman in me is not interested in boys.  The girl in me is.  So I dabble in boys until I realize this is not my true purpose in life.  I would like to thank the man who asked me this question this week.  You are challenging me to rethink my worth and affirming why it is fun spending time with a man.  And who knows where this could lead, but it’s a fun start.

Thank you for reading.