Beware of generic boy…

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Happy Sunday daters and readers.  I am really enjoying this beautiful warm spring-like December day.  I’m reminiscing again on an old school boy I dated in my twenties.   I was thinking about him as a good boy, but for some reason I never felt attracted to him. Looking back, I realize it was because he was “generic boy.”   Allow me to explain what I mean by this.

About 20 years ago I was out with my posse of single female friends for our Friday night go out to the bar and mingle with boys ritual.   He was tall, dark and attractive.  Friendly, great job, very nice and very generic.  By this I mean that I could not scratch his surface and have deeper more meaningful conversations with him.   I could tell he liked me but he had nothing to offer on a more intimate emotional level.   As I get older I realize how much I value the ability of my romantic partner to be emotionally available to me.

He did ask me out and we had some nice dates, but yet the conversation never turned to a deeper level.   It was always generic and I never felt I got to know him in any meaningful way.   What I have learned since the times I dated him was that he in fact had a serious girlfriend he wound up marrying.   He was trying me out while he was in a relationship with her.   He must have been to afraid to admit this to me.  Thank goodness I never got romantically involved with him.  My gutt instinct protected me from him.

Usually if someone is behaving as I would describe as generically, they are hiding a secret from you.  This seems to be my experience anyway with boys behaving superficially.    If you are dating a boy who cannot delve deeper with you into a more meaningful conversation then my advice is to walk away.  My man will need to be my friend, emotional availability a must have.   If it is not there, there is a good reason. Keep dating!

Thank you for reading.

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Dating: You know when the commitment is real

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Hi daters.  So after all these years of dating, it is pretty easy to tell when the boy you meet (who has man potential) is serious about wanting to be with you.  There is just one simple thing that is apparent.  I have been hearing it for many years and never quite believed it.  But as day by day goes by as we are dating, one thing I know for sure is that his commitment to want to be in a relationship with me is real.  How do I know this?  IT IS OBVIOUS.

I have always heard when you meet “the one” it is easy.  Well I am certainly a cynic in my middle age years.  I easily admit I am jaded from so many bad experiences with boys.  Even though I’m thrilled to have met a very nice boy/man and we just completed 2 months of dating, I’m going nice and slow with him.  I’m following my running partner Rose’s advice which is “wait 6 months until you say he is good”.  So I’m not going to call him a man.  Not just yet.

I do realize during the quality time I have spent with him, is confirmation that I have dated so many boys over the years.    He is showing me that a big sign of a boy is that a boy never truly wants to commit or work for a relationship.  A boy wants me to do all the work, which I have gladly done in the past to my detriment.  This boy/man is willing to work for me.  This means he takes me on “real dates” to very fun places, he talks proudly to his family and friends about me, and he even showed up at the halfway point to cheer me in this past NY marathon.  WOW.  Man potential.

Even if things do not work out with him, he is validating that there are good men out there for me and they are worth the wait.  So for all you ladies in the dating world, BE PICKY.  Accept nothing but being treated like the queen you are.  And when you find a good one, it will be obvious and easy.  Stay tuned…6 months…

Thank you for reading.