Don’t write the script when dating…

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Happy Sunday and happy boy addict blog day.  Thank you always for reading.  Without readers, I wouldn’t write. I am always thankful.  Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend who advised me not to “write the script” when dating.  I laughed as I was told this because my friend didn’t know I write a blog and that “writing the script” is simply who I am.  What exactly did my friend mean by this?  I thought it a great topic to delve into further.

In dating, it is very easy to make assumptions based on where I am coming from.  I think most people, especially women, have a tendency to do this.  We analyze, “read into” and over-think the behaviors of the opposite sex in ways that may simply be very incorrect.  For example, when I am on a date if the boy doesn’t seem affectionate I assume he is just not that into me.  But perhaps this is not the case at all.  Perhaps he is simply nervous or being cautious.  After the date, I may blog about “he’s just not that into me”.   I have loads of girlfriends who validate my opinion with me.  I realize my opinion may not be his reality.  It is mine.  And it is ok.

There are ways to deal with “writing the script”.  My friend said if I am starting to form opinions in my dating that could be wrong, I should simply ask him if I am correct in my assumptions.  Well, in dating, this is easier said than done.  Dating is hard.  If I don’t know the boy that well and I may not be comfortable coming out and asking him “what do you think of me”.  So I go on the cues I get from him (or don’t get as the case may be).  Dating in part is about “writing the script” so you can decide if you should continue on or stop.  Reality is, if you feel comfortable talking to him and asking the hard questions that make you vulnerable, you may have found the right one.  All the rest is simply dating.

Taking time off to contemplate the deeper aspects of dating is very therapeutic for me.  I’m looking forward to getting back into the dating world, but taking my time…

 

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Friend dates…

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gigi and les hall house

Happy Sunday and happy boy addict blog day.  Last night I had a “friend date” that was so much fun.  Of course there is a story.  While I was in my last relationship, I learned he liked music.  I did my homework and discovered that Daryl Hall, the famous musician from the band Hall and Oats, has a “cool” venue in Pawling, NY.  Upon reading about Daryl’s House, I learned you can go and have dinner and listen to acoustic music performed by well known artists.    For Christmas, I purchased the boy I was in a relationship with two tickets for a show in February.  He seemed excited to do this.  But then he dumped me.  And when he did,  I had the nerve to ask him “are you going to use those Daryl Hall tickets I bought you”?  His response was interesting:  “No, it would be too sad to go without you.  Would you like them back?”  My response was “and it would be too sad to go with me, so yes I would like them back”.   He got the tickets back to me!

So my dear friend who is married with children and dying to have a night out on the town was more than excited to go with me.  We went last night and had an amazing time.  The lead musician was so entertaining and talented.  We laughed a lot and reminisced about all the fun times we have had out on the town when we were in our twenties.  I think the highlight of our friend date (and she would agree) was our decision to belt out a Whitney Houston song in my car on the way home.  We were laughing so hard, we were crying.

After I dropped her back at her home, I thought to myself “that was so much more fun than it would have been with the boy who dumped me”.  On my journey to stay single for 6 months, I know its critical for me to make “friend dates”.  I think most can agree that friend dates are the most fun.

Thank you friends for being around and available to “date me”.  And thank you for reading.

 

 

Rose’s 6 month rule…priceless

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Les Rose Carolyn

Happy Sunday and happy boy addict blog day.  This one is dedicated to my beloved running partner Rose who imparts magnificent words of wisdom along our running escapades together.  She has shared so much of her brilliance with me.  A favorite one that is very pertinent to this blog she shared with me a few years ago during one of my “crazy dating stories”.  She knows I am quick to accept boys as they are and I’m quick to think a boy is “so nice”.  She also knows that after saying how nice a boy is, a few weeks later I’m declaring him yet another “bad boy” and not for me.  One day she simply said to me “Leslie, you are not allowed to tell me a boy is nice for 6 months”.  We both laughed, but over time I see more and more the value in this.

These words have so much meaning to me, I take them into every dating experience.  With my last 4 month relationship, I told him early on “Rose asked me to not say you are nice for at least 6 months”.  In fact, during his break up with me, he used Rose’s words saying to me “I should have listened to Rose”.  As much as this hurts because he broke up with me, I realize the value in waiting to “fall in love”.  It takes so much time to really get to know someone and to know if they are a “fit” for you.  Clearly, for whatever his reasons, I wasn’t his “fit” and I recognize this was mature of him to let me go before things got worse.  I get it.

Rose is beyond great.  We ran 20 miles together yesterday and whenever I need to, she simply gives me permission to feel my feelings.  She accepts me just the way I am.  And once again, she asked me to think about more words of her wisdom.  She asked “Leslie, can you give 6 months to yourself”.  Now what is more brilliant than this?

The only way to truly learn to love is with at least 6 months of time spent getting to know someone.  Heck, why not six months of time getting to know myself?  I think giving this to myself is beyond invaluable.  What do you think?

Thank you Rose and thank you for reading.

 

Getting my running legs back…

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run legs

Happy Sunday.  Last week I wrote about “getting dumped” and I must say I got the most reads in the history of my blogging.  It is certainly a topic that evokes loads of emotions.  The response I got was overwhelming.  So many good friends reached out to me concerned.  One of my good friends treated me to a night out last night and made me promise I will keep smiling.  She kept insisting I take the advice I gave her several years ago when she went through a tough divorce.  I had phone calls and notes and so much love that I couldn’t even speak with everyone concerned.  My roommate asked why I blogged such a sad blog as she was certain I had avoided a bad situation and she is happy for me.    With all this love, I realized yesterday that I needed to get out of my slump FAST.   I realized that with all I have been through and learned and write/talk about is important to so many, I must not go weak now.  I truly believe others need my strength and my positive spirit and I cannot let my “fans” down.

So I’m proud to say I stuck to my running routine all week and ran a happy 14 miler yesterday.  I’m counting my calories, getting sleep and working on practicing self care.   I noticed that at the beginning of the week my legs were weak during my runs, but yesterday they felt stronger.  I realized that my 4 month attempt at a relationship was making my legs weak.  I wasn’t being myself.  I had stopped blogging, struggled to run (however I will NEVER stop), and had a stress level off the charts while at work.  I realize today that this was NOT the relationship for me and my body was speaking to me.

The benefits of keeping up a running routine are profound for me.  My exercise routine keeps me in tune with what is going on with my body and my spirit.  And feeling my legs getting stronger is a sign this relationship needed to end.  As painful as “getting dumped” feels, self care yet again proves to me to be the best remedy.  And the love of family and friends.

Some of you are having a very hard time with me expressing I’m feeling down, even for a few moments.  I get it.  I’m a super positive person and you like my energy.  But please be gentle on me.  The shock of having someone in your life on a daily basis and thinking you met a good man and no longer need to date is just that – A SHOCK.  To have him completely vanish and make me feel very rejected is tough to emotionally handle.  But rest assured, I do know how and I am on it!  Been there, done that and proud to be where I am at today.

And as always, I thank you for reading and lending your support in however you see fit.