Choosing to Not Want to be Single is My Choice…

Standard

image

Happy Sunday and happy boy addict blog day. The title of this blog might read a bit awkwardly, however, this is my choice. Allow me to explain. It is hard to be single when I don’t want to be. It is hard on many levels and I’m taking the opportunity in this blog to explain.

I have a few friends who are perfectly content being single. They have been in hard relationships and got to a place in their lives where single feels ok for them. I totally get these friends. They have other things in their lives keeping them from wanting a partner and although on some level they miss a relationship, on many other levels they are fine! They have no desire to date. This is not I.

I have miserably married friends! Sadly too many of them. They too often admire my single self. I get this. After all, to my married friends I have no one to answer to or wait for or argue with. I don’t need to fear sharing trust, finances, kids, daily decisions, and the list of daily stressors when one is married goes on and on. I am free to do what I want…

I have lonely friends who are afraid to date. Internet dating is scary and emotionally taxing! I AGREE! I cannot believe I have had the dating endurance I have had to keep going. Boys are rough. The worst ones for me are the ones who lead me to believe we are in a committed relationship and then pull the rug out from under me just when I think I met a good man. I’m so fortunate to have great friends who pick me up when I feel I’m falling into low self-esteem mode as a result of this kind of boy rejection as it hurts the worst.

So here I write yet again and here I declare: “I Do Not Want to be Single!” BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY I do not wish to compromise what I want in my man to settle for a “boy addiction”. So I live my life the best I can…One Day at a Time…

Thank you for reading.

Advertisements

The Birth of My Boy Addiction…

Standard

Happy Sunday and happy boy addict blog day! Since I’m going old school I decided to talk about my first addiction to a boy at the age of 7. Ricky was the smartest boy in my 2nd grade class and he was cute too. I was instantly drawn to him and wanted to be around him as much as possible without his knowledge. Even though I never had an interest in sports prior to Ricky, I found myself on the kickball field just to be close to him.

I did everything possible to keep him in close range. Our 2nd grade desk formations were 4 desks grouped together. Of course I needed to be part of his foursome. So did Sherry- a very cute dark haired freckled girl who seemed to take a liking to Ricky too. I felt a bit ignored at that foursome as the two of them seemed to be getting very cozy. So I persisted (as a good boy addict does) and I sat with all the boys at the lunchroom table once again to be near Ricky. It was becoming obvious that Ricky was not noticing me in the least. And it was becoming obvious there was a girl at the boys table. I stood out like a scarlett letter.

I’m not sure whether Ricky was simply trying to get me to back off or whether he had indeed fallen in love, but when our teacher stepped out of the classroom one afternoon Ricky stood up right on top of our four desk formation and yelled out loud to the entire class as he looked right at her proclaiming “Sherry, I love you!” If time could have stood still while my heart broke into a million pieces I could begin to explain what my first true heartbreak felt like. Suffice it to say I was crushed.

This was the first time I made my identity about a boy…The first of many attempts…I suppose you could say my first “hit” of boy. Trying to be clean and sober is not easy when my addiction began at the tender age of 7.

Thank you for reading.