Trust…

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Happy Sunday and happy boy addict blog day.   Once again I’m attempting a relationship with a seemingly sweet boy/man and scared to death.    I’m so afraid that sadly I’ve realized that I’ve probably traumatized him.  Yet he hangs in there, so perhaps he could possibly be my man.   Well, you all know I’ve been here before and that it takes loads of time to get to know another in order to trust.

In the mean time, I contemplate my past and all the crazy boys who I was addicted to who helped me reach a new level of consciousness in my life.   In my new space, I feel fairly ok about doing things alone.   I don’t feel the burning desire to always have a boy next to me.   I’m focusing on decreasing my drama so I can focus on a very busy job.   I’m focusing on eating better and trying to heal my injury praying I can run again.

I’m focusing on my family who need my attention as we all are getting older and coping with the things that happen to our aging bodies and minds.   I’m focusing on our “reality television show” presidential election praying that love destroys hate.  I’m focusing on my friends and their children including my nephews.   After all, they think I’m cool and staying cool is a hard reputation to keep up.   I’m focusing on cleaning up my apartment so my terrific new roommate and I can live in a serene environment.   I must admit that my new boy/man has been wonderful in terms of helping me clean up my home.    He is making my life a bit easier….hmmmmmmmmmmm

Well, this is where I’m at today.   Always struggling with my life journey’s deep question.    “Is this a boy I could be addicted to OR is this my man truly bringing joy into my life”.   I’ll TRUST my process of time…lots of time.

Thank you for reading.

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Long term relationships…

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Happy Sunday.  Today I’m thinking about how I’ve changed my mind over these past few years.  I no longer feel I’m missing out on something because I’m not married and I do not have children.  I’m much more comfortable in my own body and in my own life.  As part of being a “boy addict”, I have always joked with others that I am not capable of being in a long-term relationship.  Most recently, I realized this is VERY far from the truth.  With my very dear friend of 23 years in town this weekend from London, I am reminded that I am really good at long term relationships.  Just don’t have the “husband” but I do have the ability to maintain long term relationships that are healthy and gratifying.  She and I have been having such a great time together during her brief visit.  Along with she and other great long term friends, all we do is laugh and “fall back in” to our great relationship as if we had seen each other yesterday.  It is awesome.

My father always tells me I am blessed with great friends.  He is correct.  I have had the HUGE good fortune of maintaining great friends over many years.  This past year, my longest and dearest friend from high school (and my very first running partner) surprised me on my birthday at my job with a gorgeous fruit basket!  It brought tears to my eyes the gift was ENTIRELY unexpected and so incredibly thoughtful.  I was having a tough time at my job at that time and that fruit gift made my birthday so wonderful.  I didn’t need a husband to make my birthday.  I had my friend remember me and surprise me after meeting her on my high school track 30 years ago!

Then there is my family.  I am so blessed to have had them in my life for my entire 45 years.  They are so very important to me as I age.  My nephews are my “long distance” children.  It is so wonderful to spend time with them as they love me unconditionally and I them.  It is pure joy.

Now, to “toot” my own horn, I must say to have a good friend one must be a good friend.  I invest a lot into my friendships and my family.  Why?  Because you are all my “long-term relationship”.  And I am great at this.  Friends and family – we do not need any “couples counseling” and I am not afraid that we will ever separate.  Thank you for giving me the blessing of being successful at my long term relationships.  I got this!

Much love and thank you for reading.

Love is action…

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Happy Sunday.  Delving in deep this week.  One of the symptoms of my boy addiction has always been mistaking love for my craving for boy attention.  In my past, if a boy said to me “I love you”, I took this at face value because I so badly wanted “my fix”.  I wanted to be with the boy sacrificing myself at all costs.  My addiction clouded me from paying attention to his ACTIONS not his words.

It is so easy to say to someone “I love you” when there is attraction.  Lord knows, it is done all the time.  BUT everyone knows when the heat of passion runs out, that is when true love either surfaces or doesn’t.  What I have learned in my life is that true love comes in the form of actions.  More importantly, loving actions are a two-way street.  Each individual in a loving relationship must learn to give love freely in the form of actions.  That is what nurtures two people in a healthy way in my opinion.

So to break it down, love could be being there for someone when they are not “at the top of their game”.  Once again, I’m giving a shout out to my “running angel” Rose.  For years, Rose and I have been true blue running partners.  Since my injury began back in June and I cannot run, Rose is still driving to me on a regular basis (at least once a week) and walking with me.  I have come to realize that our relationship is NOT about the running, but about love.  She is willing to walk with me and help me get through my tough time and I am SO BLESSED to have her in my life (thank you true friend).

In thinking about my current relationship with a boy/man, I’m taking my time to see if there is unconditional love.  This takes a TON of time.  No need to rush. Enough said in this department.  The more important thing to emphasize in my blog today is that I warn my readers to use caution when someone says “I love you”.  I love country music and there is a wonderful song sung by Clint Black titled “Something That We Do”.   I encourage you to listen to it.  To me it embodies the true meaning of love.

And once again (as I do often), I want to thank my friends and my family for loving me unconditionally and helping me become the person I am today.  I once heard a beautiful prayer that I try to make my mantra as often as I can when I hit my challenges in life:  “God, help me give and receive love more freely”.  One day at a time…

Thank you for reading…