Coping with change

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Isn’t it funny that I often think about when I was young and picturing my future, I thought by the time I reached my 40’s I would be very stable in life.  I would have the house, 2 children (a boy and a girl of course),  2 cars with a garage for both, an amazing husband and of course the white picket fence.  I chuckle with my father over this today.  What I have learned in my life is that my life is NOTHING as I pictured it to be when I was a young girl.    I have learned this doesn’t make my life a bad life.  In fact, I think I have grown into a great life for me.

What I also realize is that what makes my life pretty exciting is that I have had to cope with many changes.  OVER AND OVER.  I’m pretty sure I’ve become an expert at change.  I once counted that I moved my physical home 15 times in 20 years.  That is most certainly a lot of change.  The next logical question to ask is WHY?  Certainly boy addiction has played a big role.  Thinking I have settled down with a boy only to discover I’m with the wrong boy is a big factor in my many moves and changes.    But as promised for 2017, I would like to dig deeper and think positively about my life and how it has made me even stronger today.  My ability to cope with change has been stellar.  Here is a few tips to perhaps help my readers cope with changes in their own lives.

  1.  ALWAYS SEEK HAPPINESS.  I have been lucky enough to realize that my own happiness is a very important factor in my life.  I am very willing to remove myself from any situation that does not make me happy.  I am lucky enough to have an emotional chemistry inside of me that can never stay in a place where I feel uncomfortable.  I’ve never been a person who can live in denial for too long and “pretend” I’m ok in an unhappy situation.  This is a huge blessing for me.  Of course I had to sacrifice many things along the way to put myself in happier situations.  One of my major sacrifices was never having children.  It was not a decision I ever thought I would make and quite honestly, I never made it.  I just chose to keep myself safe and happy.  Children were not in God’s plan for me as a result.   I am at a much greater acceptance of this today.  And a happy byproduct is that my nephews and my friends children really think I’m cool!
  2. YOU CAN NEVER CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON.  People are who they are.  It is so difficult to be in a relationship built around acceptance.  People are so complex and I think it takes years and years to find the person you can truly accept.  I have always been open to thinking this may not happen in one lifetime.  If you are in a situation where you realize you want to change the other person, the best advice I can give you is that YOU CANNOT.  Give up.  Work on coping skills to make yourself happy and let go of thinking you can change another.  Running is a great activity to get you focused on you.  Writing is too.  Volunteering for a political cause you are passionate about is really needed today.  If you are a parent focusing on quality time with your children is key.  There are so many strategies to take you out of your problems and put you into positive solutions.  It starts with not focusing your energies on changing another.  I learned for so many years I will NEVER change a boy and sadly I admit I wasted a good amount of my quality time on this earth.  NO MORE!
  3. SPEAK YOUR TRUTH.  Probably the healthiest thing I can do for myself is speak my truth.  This has been a big catalyst to leading me to make so many changes in my life.  It is difficult to find people and environments, both professionally and personally, that will help you to live in your truth.  I realize I have made many changes in my life:  housing, relationship, career, etc. to find the place where I am comfortable enough to speak my truth.  This blog is a wonderful safe place for me to do this.  Thank you readers.
  4. TRY NOT TO FEED YOUR FEAR.  Fear is a powerful enemy against making a change.  This is where I pray to God daily to help keep me in healthier situations and to help decrease my fears.  Fear has been a true enemy for me.  I remember when I signed up for my first marathon in NY, I couldn’t sleep the whole night thinking I made a mistake and could NEVER run 26.2 miles.  18 marathons under my belt,  I learned most of my fears are not valid.  My gut instincts and passions can push me past my fears if I “just do it” of course with the help of God.  Overcoming fears is a huge factor in learning to cope with change for a better life.  Think about your fears and what may be holding you back from putting yourself in a happier place.  Deep stuff, but so important.

 

“The only thing constant in life is change” – French author Francois de la Rochefoucauld

Look around your life and ask yourself is it time to make a change.  Perhaps the change is small.  I always say when you move a muscle you can change your heart.  Sometimes the change may be as simple as a daily walk to honor your “you time”.  Perhaps the change is large like moving your living space or changing your job to put you in a healthier environment.  I’m happy to announce I’m staring a new job on Monday.  And while there is loads of fear involved, I’m “going for it” with passion for the elderly people I have always held so deep in my heart.  God knows my heart, so I trust the rest will fall into place.  AND IF NOT, there is always coping with change.

 

Thank you for reading.

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