Fear

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Happy Sunday and happy blog day.   This is a heavy title, but in our current political climate this emotion sits heavy in my heart.    On a global level fear is in most people’s minds and hearts on a daily basis.    Our politicians are promoting it through tweets and media and propaganda.    Code Orange, Iran nuclear tests, anti-Muslim rhetoric, gun violence in Chicago, the list goes on and on.    We cannot ease our fears on a mass level without starting on an interpersonal journey.   By this I mean I have often taken a deep look at my own fears and what stops me from living my life’s purpose.

Everything for me has fear involved from the day I was born.   I was not a “fearless kid”.     Heck I hated to have my photograph taken at the age of 2.   Imagine me not wanting to smile for the camera.   My Mom told me she had to “sneak” up on me to get a snapshot of me.  She explained to me years later that if I saw her coming I would burst into tears. Sitting on Santa’s lap at holiday time was equivalent to encouraging a stranger in a creepy red suit with a white beard to kidnap me.   Yes, I had fears as a child.

As I grew and my self-esteem was fairly weak (pale pre teen with zits on my forehead and braces on my teeth) my fears of my own abilities grew.  One major move I made was finding a boy to help alleviate my fears.    I kept my first boyfriend with me for 6 years all through high school and college.  He had much more confidence than I so I clung to him to feel safe.

Today I have learned that fear could be biggest hinderance to making choices that improve my lot in life if I let fear “drive my car”.    I have learned more recently in life (as author Elizabeth Gilbert discusses in her book “Big Magic”) to try to make fear my companion.    I may not like fear always being around, but since it is deeply rooted in my body’s chemistry I accept fear must always tag along on my journey.   I’m jumping into more of life’s challenges putting fear to my side and trusting that God has my back.   This has been very comforting for me.   My decision to recently jump into a new career was filled with fear.   But I trust God found a much better place for me to continue my work of caring for frail elderly folks in a more appropriate setting for me.

I think it is important for all of us reading this to examine our fears and determine if they can go along for the ride while we still drive our own cars so to speak.  My decision to blog for example, was filled with fear.  I went for it no less and have not regretted my decision for one day.  I can see that expressing my truth has brought me so much closer to you all.   I am so blessed.   Thank you fear for not stopping me.   I will be back next Sunday.

Thank you for reading.

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