Birthday Gifts

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Sunday blog day falls on my birthday, so I decided to write about birthday gifts. In the photo you see all the unconditional love I have in my life. My baby kitty Missy looks pretty good at age 18, my expensive bottle of bubbly sent via my local liquor store from my best friend Jean in London, and gorgeous flowers sent by my brother and his family. All of these positive people and pets in my life remind me as I age that I am blessed with so many gifts.

In my past, when I was stuck in the depths of boy addiction, I could not appreciate all the unconditional love in my life. I realize today that I was too busy chasing the boys that wanted to use and hurt me. Today I want NOTHING to do with those bad boys. I only make room for the good. I only have room in my heart and my life for unconditional love.

I learned many years ago that prayer is a form of meditation.
A favorite prayer/meditation I like to say in my mind is “God, help me to give and receive love more freely”. What this means for me is that this prayers serves as a reminder that there is so much love in my life. This is what I can focus on. One day at a time.

I challenge you as you read this to focus on the unconditional love in your life. It may be coming from places you haven’t even considered. When you realize this, be sure to give love where it belongs and is deserved. Let all the others go. Even if only in your mind and heart.

Thank you readers!

Overweight

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Happy Sunday and Happy Boy addiction blog day. Since I gained much of my weight back after a running injury I am thinking much on this topic and how it relates to my boy addiction. I have always attributed being thin with “finding my man”. What I have learned is this is simply false. I have come to learn that no matter what my weight, I am a good soul which shines through extra body fat. I also have learned the hard way that being thin attracts the wrong boys. You know gals, the superficial ones who could care less about your soul?

Most of you know I have been happy in a very nice relationship. Guess what? He met me at my high weight! He digs my soul. I’m quite sure he digs my physical attributes too, but my point is that my weight never had anything to do with finding my man.

Do not get me wrong. I am not happy at a higher weight and I am actively working on weight loss but for many reasons other than finding a boy. My overall movements are more difficult at a higher weight. I am trying to return to a running routine and with all my extra pounds it is a struggle. But I am getting out there. It’s more for my mind. My day goes much better when I get out and move. Whether a walk, a walk/run or a run, I become energized when I’m finished. I’m tuning into this great energy. My energy level becomes much better too when I shed pounds. This too is important for my mental health. And my clothing that I wore as a thin girl will fit! This is a “biggy” for me. I have an entire closet of thin girl clothing I’m very motivated to get back into.

All of my reasons to try to shed pounds today are MINUS the boy addiction. I have a supportive man cheering me on, but also telling me he is always happy just as I am. God is great.

Thank you for reading.

Commitment

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Happy Sunday and happy boy addict blog day. Boy addicts such as myself HATE to write on this topic. For myself, commitment equals relationship which equals sacrifice which equals loss of self and independence. Sounds pretty grim doesn’t it? Currently I’m part of a committed relationship and at least once a week I start to think I’d rather be alone. I’ve made a safe space for myself and my baby kitty Missy and when relationship challenges arise (as they will) my first instinct is to run away. Since I have found a loving partner who is worth engaging in commitment, I decided to focus on the positive aspects to help me keep my focus on why this is good for me. Here goes:

It is SO NICE to NOT BE INTERNET DATING! Having met someone kind-hearted and willing to commit to a relationship is great. We enjoy each other’s company. I must admit, he is MUCH neater and more tidy than I, but he motivates me to clean up my act. So my apartment looks pretty darn good these days.

He is complimentary and a true gentleman. This has been a rough year for me not being able to run the way I was for so many years due to injury and job demands. I could have easily fallen into “insecure girl mode”, but he always makes me feel beautiful. It has helped me so much.

He loves commitment. He let me know this right out of the gate. He was looking for commitment with a good woman from the first day we met. He has been very serious about letting me know I am with him. It is nice and feels secure.
We laugh a lot! He enjoys the humor I enjoy. There is nothing more important in a committed relationship than laughter. Especially with the difficult world we are living in today!

So I say that a great cure for boy addiction is a man willing to be kind, complimentary, and make me feel secure while laughing often is my prescription. However, should these things go missing it would be time to re -evaluate. So far, so great. Thank you man!

Fear

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Happy Sunday and happy blog day.   This is a heavy title, but in our current political climate this emotion sits heavy in my heart.    On a global level fear is in most people’s minds and hearts on a daily basis.    Our politicians are promoting it through tweets and media and propaganda.    Code Orange, Iran nuclear tests, anti-Muslim rhetoric, gun violence in Chicago, the list goes on and on.    We cannot ease our fears on a mass level without starting on an interpersonal journey.   By this I mean I have often taken a deep look at my own fears and what stops me from living my life’s purpose.

Everything for me has fear involved from the day I was born.   I was not a “fearless kid”.     Heck I hated to have my photograph taken at the age of 2.   Imagine me not wanting to smile for the camera.   My Mom told me she had to “sneak” up on me to get a snapshot of me.  She explained to me years later that if I saw her coming I would burst into tears. Sitting on Santa’s lap at holiday time was equivalent to encouraging a stranger in a creepy red suit with a white beard to kidnap me.   Yes, I had fears as a child.

As I grew and my self-esteem was fairly weak (pale pre teen with zits on my forehead and braces on my teeth) my fears of my own abilities grew.  One major move I made was finding a boy to help alleviate my fears.    I kept my first boyfriend with me for 6 years all through high school and college.  He had much more confidence than I so I clung to him to feel safe.

Today I have learned that fear could be biggest hinderance to making choices that improve my lot in life if I let fear “drive my car”.    I have learned more recently in life (as author Elizabeth Gilbert discusses in her book “Big Magic”) to try to make fear my companion.    I may not like fear always being around, but since it is deeply rooted in my body’s chemistry I accept fear must always tag along on my journey.   I’m jumping into more of life’s challenges putting fear to my side and trusting that God has my back.   This has been very comforting for me.   My decision to recently jump into a new career was filled with fear.   But I trust God found a much better place for me to continue my work of caring for frail elderly folks in a more appropriate setting for me.

I think it is important for all of us reading this to examine our fears and determine if they can go along for the ride while we still drive our own cars so to speak.  My decision to blog for example, was filled with fear.  I went for it no less and have not regretted my decision for one day.  I can see that expressing my truth has brought me so much closer to you all.   I am so blessed.   Thank you fear for not stopping me.   I will be back next Sunday.

Thank you for reading.

Women are Strong

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I have always believed women are the stronger sex. History has proved this time and time again. I remember my 12th grade English teacher telling my class women are physically designed to survive starvation. She told us a woman’s body has a much larger percentage of body fat than a man’s in order to carry offspring for nine months and potentially survive famine to accomplish survival of the human race. I chuckle to myself especially when my body fat is high thinking I could outlive a boy by at least a full year in the event of a starvation.

I very recently had the blessing to travel to Zurich Switzerland where I learned during a City tour that many years ago during war time the women of the City banded together to save the City from attack. All the men in the City were off fighting battles and when enemy soldiers approached Zurich all the women gathered cooking utensils and pots/pans. They gathered together at the highest point in City Center banging their cooking paraphernalia to make so much noise that it frightened off the encroaching enemy male soldiers. This group of women ended up saving the City from attack. Go POWERCHICKS !

I’m writing about this as we sadly now have a President who does not value the power of strong women. I was so very proud to learn on my Facebook all my friends who marched for womens’ equality this past Saturday. It reminds me how blessed I am to live where I live and to have the freedoms I have even to write this blog. I have offended many a boy in my writings but not one can ever stop me from speaking my truth and living life on my terms.

Traveling in other countries I am always reminded living in metropolitan New York affords me more POWERCHICK luxuries than I could have ever dreamed of. The lesson I’d like to impart on my readers as I write is that women deserve all the love and respect they continue to work hard for every day of our life.

If you happen to be a boy reading this heed my warning. WE DO NOT NEED YOU but if you respect our worth we do want you.  We can survive starvation, protect our homes/cities, express our truths and refuse to live in fear. We have the beauty and the brains to stay or go per our choice. If you have a strong woman in your life please know her worth. And know you can NEVER become a real man without her.

Thank you for reading.

Trust…

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Happy Sunday and happy boy addict blog day.   Once again I’m attempting a relationship with a seemingly sweet boy/man and scared to death.    I’m so afraid that sadly I’ve realized that I’ve probably traumatized him.  Yet he hangs in there, so perhaps he could possibly be my man.   Well, you all know I’ve been here before and that it takes loads of time to get to know another in order to trust.

In the mean time, I contemplate my past and all the crazy boys who I was addicted to who helped me reach a new level of consciousness in my life.   In my new space, I feel fairly ok about doing things alone.   I don’t feel the burning desire to always have a boy next to me.   I’m focusing on decreasing my drama so I can focus on a very busy job.   I’m focusing on eating better and trying to heal my injury praying I can run again.

I’m focusing on my family who need my attention as we all are getting older and coping with the things that happen to our aging bodies and minds.   I’m focusing on our “reality television show” presidential election praying that love destroys hate.  I’m focusing on my friends and their children including my nephews.   After all, they think I’m cool and staying cool is a hard reputation to keep up.   I’m focusing on cleaning up my apartment so my terrific new roommate and I can live in a serene environment.   I must admit that my new boy/man has been wonderful in terms of helping me clean up my home.    He is making my life a bit easier….hmmmmmmmmmmm

Well, this is where I’m at today.   Always struggling with my life journey’s deep question.    “Is this a boy I could be addicted to OR is this my man truly bringing joy into my life”.   I’ll TRUST my process of time…lots of time.

Thank you for reading.

Female Courage

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Happy Sunday.  Today I’m “forgetting about boy addiction” to discuss a topic I promised my good friend battling stage 4 cancer I would write about in her honor.    “Female Courage”.    As I grow older and become more comfortable with myself I see that the amazing women in my life are very brave.

For example, the friend I mention above made the brave decision to fight her illness a year ago to be there for her family.  Over this journey she taught me that life and love are worth fighting for.  Throughout her entire ordeal I never saw her lose strength or give up.   She has been so positive and deliberate in every move she has made to live an amazing life as long as she can.  She did this from a place of pure love and courage for her children and her incredible family, smiling through her entire battle.   She gives me comfort to not grieve too long for her.   She knows her journey. I recently promised her I’d write about her courage and decided today is the day.   This one is for her.

I know so many brave women.   Women who are good, beautiful, kind and strong who are in hard relationships where they do not get the respect they so deserve.  Yet they go on, holding their heads high, giving amazing love to their children, smiling, never showing the sadness that could potentially take them over.

I admire this so.   It has taken me a long time to learn to do this for myself.  I never want to ever again let negativity bring me down.  Life is a choice: fight and be brave and give love, or give up and lose out on all the great things life has to offer!  I have learned to be brave from those courageous women who teach me every day.

This one is for you POWERCHICKS!    And to honor my friend who is fighting the good fight, I wish you NOTHING but joy and peace and God’s open arms as he is holding you always.   Whether your soul blesses us through your body on earth or through your soul in heaven your inspiration forever lives on with me.  Thank you teacher.

Thank you for reading.