Mothering

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Happy Sunday and Happy Mother’s Day. When I wanted my own child so badly in my past, Mother’s Day was a sad day for me.   I was once was given a potted plant at a restaurant during my most fertile child bearing years and I quickly returned it to the waiter declaring I am NOT a mother!  Well, those days have long since passed and today when a parking garage attendant handed me a rose wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day I gladly took it and was all smiles. I even threw an extra buck into his tip. What I know today is that as women, whether we biologically reproduce or not, we typically have mothering traits we should be proud of.

Now I realize some of us our more mothering than others. As for myself I’m the queen of “Mom like” behaviors. Heck, I used Ms. Breck hairspray in college and dubbed the title S.I.A.G. (which meant that when my female college dorm mates went out for a wreckless night of drinking I begged them to STAY IN A GROUP).  Hence they began saying “yes Mom” in response to my safety lectures.  I am a natural born nurturer. I chose my profession in order to nurture my seniors. My friends’ children love me and I them. As a result of “boy addiction” I mothered 2 young ladies for 4 years and that was THE BEST part of that relationship. I do not regret one second I spent with them as they taught me so much about life and unconditional love!

So today I’m here to say whether you have children or not, as a woman honor your ability to nurture.  I think it’s fair to say that while some men try very hard (these are real men, not boys) they too will admit sometimes there is nothing like a motherly touch. And to my mother who I am SO BLESSED to have in my life, thank you for teaching me the art of nurture.

And to my dear friend out there who never misses an opportunity to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day since I met him 17 years ago, today I really do feel the love, appreciation and gratitude. Thank you friend.

Please forget ALL BOYS on this day and honor the mother in you.

Thank you for reading.

Birthday Gifts

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Sunday blog day falls on my birthday, so I decided to write about birthday gifts. In the photo you see all the unconditional love I have in my life. My baby kitty Missy looks pretty good at age 18, my expensive bottle of bubbly sent via my local liquor store from my best friend Jean in London, and gorgeous flowers sent by my brother and his family. All of these positive people and pets in my life remind me as I age that I am blessed with so many gifts.

In my past, when I was stuck in the depths of boy addiction, I could not appreciate all the unconditional love in my life. I realize today that I was too busy chasing the boys that wanted to use and hurt me. Today I want NOTHING to do with those bad boys. I only make room for the good. I only have room in my heart and my life for unconditional love.

I learned many years ago that prayer is a form of meditation.
A favorite prayer/meditation I like to say in my mind is “God, help me to give and receive love more freely”. What this means for me is that this prayers serves as a reminder that there is so much love in my life. This is what I can focus on. One day at a time.

I challenge you as you read this to focus on the unconditional love in your life. It may be coming from places you haven’t even considered. When you realize this, be sure to give love where it belongs and is deserved. Let all the others go. Even if only in your mind and heart.

Thank you readers!

Overweight

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Happy Sunday and Happy Boy addiction blog day. Since I gained much of my weight back after a running injury I am thinking much on this topic and how it relates to my boy addiction. I have always attributed being thin with “finding my man”. What I have learned is this is simply false. I have come to learn that no matter what my weight, I am a good soul which shines through extra body fat. I also have learned the hard way that being thin attracts the wrong boys. You know gals, the superficial ones who could care less about your soul?

Most of you know I have been happy in a very nice relationship. Guess what? He met me at my high weight! He digs my soul. I’m quite sure he digs my physical attributes too, but my point is that my weight never had anything to do with finding my man.

Do not get me wrong. I am not happy at a higher weight and I am actively working on weight loss but for many reasons other than finding a boy. My overall movements are more difficult at a higher weight. I am trying to return to a running routine and with all my extra pounds it is a struggle. But I am getting out there. It’s more for my mind. My day goes much better when I get out and move. Whether a walk, a walk/run or a run, I become energized when I’m finished. I’m tuning into this great energy. My energy level becomes much better too when I shed pounds. This too is important for my mental health. And my clothing that I wore as a thin girl will fit! This is a “biggy” for me. I have an entire closet of thin girl clothing I’m very motivated to get back into.

All of my reasons to try to shed pounds today are MINUS the boy addiction. I have a supportive man cheering me on, but also telling me he is always happy just as I am. God is great.

Thank you for reading.

Commitment

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Happy Sunday and happy boy addict blog day. Boy addicts such as myself HATE to write on this topic. For myself, commitment equals relationship which equals sacrifice which equals loss of self and independence. Sounds pretty grim doesn’t it? Currently I’m part of a committed relationship and at least once a week I start to think I’d rather be alone. I’ve made a safe space for myself and my baby kitty Missy and when relationship challenges arise (as they will) my first instinct is to run away. Since I have found a loving partner who is worth engaging in commitment, I decided to focus on the positive aspects to help me keep my focus on why this is good for me. Here goes:

It is SO NICE to NOT BE INTERNET DATING! Having met someone kind-hearted and willing to commit to a relationship is great. We enjoy each other’s company. I must admit, he is MUCH neater and more tidy than I, but he motivates me to clean up my act. So my apartment looks pretty darn good these days.

He is complimentary and a true gentleman. This has been a rough year for me not being able to run the way I was for so many years due to injury and job demands. I could have easily fallen into “insecure girl mode”, but he always makes me feel beautiful. It has helped me so much.

He loves commitment. He let me know this right out of the gate. He was looking for commitment with a good woman from the first day we met. He has been very serious about letting me know I am with him. It is nice and feels secure.
We laugh a lot! He enjoys the humor I enjoy. There is nothing more important in a committed relationship than laughter. Especially with the difficult world we are living in today!

So I say that a great cure for boy addiction is a man willing to be kind, complimentary, and make me feel secure while laughing often is my prescription. However, should these things go missing it would be time to re -evaluate. So far, so great. Thank you man!

Fear

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Happy Sunday and happy blog day.   This is a heavy title, but in our current political climate this emotion sits heavy in my heart.    On a global level fear is in most people’s minds and hearts on a daily basis.    Our politicians are promoting it through tweets and media and propaganda.    Code Orange, Iran nuclear tests, anti-Muslim rhetoric, gun violence in Chicago, the list goes on and on.    We cannot ease our fears on a mass level without starting on an interpersonal journey.   By this I mean I have often taken a deep look at my own fears and what stops me from living my life’s purpose.

Everything for me has fear involved from the day I was born.   I was not a “fearless kid”.     Heck I hated to have my photograph taken at the age of 2.   Imagine me not wanting to smile for the camera.   My Mom told me she had to “sneak” up on me to get a snapshot of me.  She explained to me years later that if I saw her coming I would burst into tears. Sitting on Santa’s lap at holiday time was equivalent to encouraging a stranger in a creepy red suit with a white beard to kidnap me.   Yes, I had fears as a child.

As I grew and my self-esteem was fairly weak (pale pre teen with zits on my forehead and braces on my teeth) my fears of my own abilities grew.  One major move I made was finding a boy to help alleviate my fears.    I kept my first boyfriend with me for 6 years all through high school and college.  He had much more confidence than I so I clung to him to feel safe.

Today I have learned that fear could be biggest hinderance to making choices that improve my lot in life if I let fear “drive my car”.    I have learned more recently in life (as author Elizabeth Gilbert discusses in her book “Big Magic”) to try to make fear my companion.    I may not like fear always being around, but since it is deeply rooted in my body’s chemistry I accept fear must always tag along on my journey.   I’m jumping into more of life’s challenges putting fear to my side and trusting that God has my back.   This has been very comforting for me.   My decision to recently jump into a new career was filled with fear.   But I trust God found a much better place for me to continue my work of caring for frail elderly folks in a more appropriate setting for me.

I think it is important for all of us reading this to examine our fears and determine if they can go along for the ride while we still drive our own cars so to speak.  My decision to blog for example, was filled with fear.  I went for it no less and have not regretted my decision for one day.  I can see that expressing my truth has brought me so much closer to you all.   I am so blessed.   Thank you fear for not stopping me.   I will be back next Sunday.

Thank you for reading.

Coping with change

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Isn’t it funny that I often think about when I was young and picturing my future, I thought by the time I reached my 40’s I would be very stable in life.  I would have the house, 2 children (a boy and a girl of course),  2 cars with a garage for both, an amazing husband and of course the white picket fence.  I chuckle with my father over this today.  What I have learned in my life is that my life is NOTHING as I pictured it to be when I was a young girl.    I have learned this doesn’t make my life a bad life.  In fact, I think I have grown into a great life for me.

What I also realize is that what makes my life pretty exciting is that I have had to cope with many changes.  OVER AND OVER.  I’m pretty sure I’ve become an expert at change.  I once counted that I moved my physical home 15 times in 20 years.  That is most certainly a lot of change.  The next logical question to ask is WHY?  Certainly boy addiction has played a big role.  Thinking I have settled down with a boy only to discover I’m with the wrong boy is a big factor in my many moves and changes.    But as promised for 2017, I would like to dig deeper and think positively about my life and how it has made me even stronger today.  My ability to cope with change has been stellar.  Here is a few tips to perhaps help my readers cope with changes in their own lives.

  1.  ALWAYS SEEK HAPPINESS.  I have been lucky enough to realize that my own happiness is a very important factor in my life.  I am very willing to remove myself from any situation that does not make me happy.  I am lucky enough to have an emotional chemistry inside of me that can never stay in a place where I feel uncomfortable.  I’ve never been a person who can live in denial for too long and “pretend” I’m ok in an unhappy situation.  This is a huge blessing for me.  Of course I had to sacrifice many things along the way to put myself in happier situations.  One of my major sacrifices was never having children.  It was not a decision I ever thought I would make and quite honestly, I never made it.  I just chose to keep myself safe and happy.  Children were not in God’s plan for me as a result.   I am at a much greater acceptance of this today.  And a happy byproduct is that my nephews and my friends children really think I’m cool!
  2. YOU CAN NEVER CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON.  People are who they are.  It is so difficult to be in a relationship built around acceptance.  People are so complex and I think it takes years and years to find the person you can truly accept.  I have always been open to thinking this may not happen in one lifetime.  If you are in a situation where you realize you want to change the other person, the best advice I can give you is that YOU CANNOT.  Give up.  Work on coping skills to make yourself happy and let go of thinking you can change another.  Running is a great activity to get you focused on you.  Writing is too.  Volunteering for a political cause you are passionate about is really needed today.  If you are a parent focusing on quality time with your children is key.  There are so many strategies to take you out of your problems and put you into positive solutions.  It starts with not focusing your energies on changing another.  I learned for so many years I will NEVER change a boy and sadly I admit I wasted a good amount of my quality time on this earth.  NO MORE!
  3. SPEAK YOUR TRUTH.  Probably the healthiest thing I can do for myself is speak my truth.  This has been a big catalyst to leading me to make so many changes in my life.  It is difficult to find people and environments, both professionally and personally, that will help you to live in your truth.  I realize I have made many changes in my life:  housing, relationship, career, etc. to find the place where I am comfortable enough to speak my truth.  This blog is a wonderful safe place for me to do this.  Thank you readers.
  4. TRY NOT TO FEED YOUR FEAR.  Fear is a powerful enemy against making a change.  This is where I pray to God daily to help keep me in healthier situations and to help decrease my fears.  Fear has been a true enemy for me.  I remember when I signed up for my first marathon in NY, I couldn’t sleep the whole night thinking I made a mistake and could NEVER run 26.2 miles.  18 marathons under my belt,  I learned most of my fears are not valid.  My gut instincts and passions can push me past my fears if I “just do it” of course with the help of God.  Overcoming fears is a huge factor in learning to cope with change for a better life.  Think about your fears and what may be holding you back from putting yourself in a happier place.  Deep stuff, but so important.

 

“The only thing constant in life is change” – French author Francois de la Rochefoucauld

Look around your life and ask yourself is it time to make a change.  Perhaps the change is small.  I always say when you move a muscle you can change your heart.  Sometimes the change may be as simple as a daily walk to honor your “you time”.  Perhaps the change is large like moving your living space or changing your job to put you in a healthier environment.  I’m happy to announce I’m staring a new job on Monday.  And while there is loads of fear involved, I’m “going for it” with passion for the elderly people I have always held so deep in my heart.  God knows my heart, so I trust the rest will fall into place.  AND IF NOT, there is always coping with change.

 

Thank you for reading.

Women are Strong

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I have always believed women are the stronger sex. History has proved this time and time again. I remember my 12th grade English teacher telling my class women are physically designed to survive starvation. She told us a woman’s body has a much larger percentage of body fat than a man’s in order to carry offspring for nine months and potentially survive famine to accomplish survival of the human race. I chuckle to myself especially when my body fat is high thinking I could outlive a boy by at least a full year in the event of a starvation.

I very recently had the blessing to travel to Zurich Switzerland where I learned during a City tour that many years ago during war time the women of the City banded together to save the City from attack. All the men in the City were off fighting battles and when enemy soldiers approached Zurich all the women gathered cooking utensils and pots/pans. They gathered together at the highest point in City Center banging their cooking paraphernalia to make so much noise that it frightened off the encroaching enemy male soldiers. This group of women ended up saving the City from attack. Go POWERCHICKS !

I’m writing about this as we sadly now have a President who does not value the power of strong women. I was so very proud to learn on my Facebook all my friends who marched for womens’ equality this past Saturday. It reminds me how blessed I am to live where I live and to have the freedoms I have even to write this blog. I have offended many a boy in my writings but not one can ever stop me from speaking my truth and living life on my terms.

Traveling in other countries I am always reminded living in metropolitan New York affords me more POWERCHICK luxuries than I could have ever dreamed of. The lesson I’d like to impart on my readers as I write is that women deserve all the love and respect they continue to work hard for every day of our life.

If you happen to be a boy reading this heed my warning. WE DO NOT NEED YOU but if you respect our worth we do want you.  We can survive starvation, protect our homes/cities, express our truths and refuse to live in fear. We have the beauty and the brains to stay or go per our choice. If you have a strong woman in your life please know her worth. And know you can NEVER become a real man without her.

Thank you for reading.