New Beginnings…

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Happy Sunday!  Happy to be back.  2016 has proved to be a tough year for me.  Hence, I have not been a consistent Sunday blogger.  Despite this fact, I have had a lot of time to think and to contemplate about the direction I want to take my life and this blog for 2017.  I find myself describing my blog more as a “woman’s empowerment” blog versus a “boy addict blog”.  To be completely honest, as is always my intent, I’m really tired of my boy addiction.  It casts negative energy over my writing and I’d like to move away from this.  With the advent of electing a “true boy” President, it sickens me to think the world is empowering the qualities of a “boy” that have done nothing but hold me down.  I am a strong, intelligent woman and I do not want any negative boy energy stopping me from sharing the secrets of my success with the world.    I would rather focus on the things about me as a strong woman that help me to improve myself for the upcoming year 2017.   And as always, I so appreciate my readers and truly hope you are happy I’m back.  My goal is to share my successes in the hopes it helps you.

2017 is about “new beginnings” for me.  In 2016, I let the negative energy in my life bring me down.  I realize how easy it is for me to get “sucked into this”.  After all, I sometimes like wallowing in sadness, overeating, indulging in wine, and telling my “crazy boy” stories.  There is truly nothing wrong with this as I do think I needed to slow down and allow my body to heal from some hamstring tears I developed with my running.  So I gave myself this time.  I have been sleeping in, putting too much energy into a job that was draining mine, and allowing my weight to go up very quickly.  I accept this.  It is my current situation and my best friends don’t even seem to notice.  I am so grateful for their unconditional love.  They always take me just the way I am.

HOWEVER, I know the difference between self-care and self-abuse.  I have wallowed too long.  I have loads of positive things around the corner for me in 2017 and it is time to “pull up my big girl panties” and “get back on the Leslie healthy horse”.   This is a promise to my readers that 2017 will be loaded with positive energy and happy, healthy thoughts and actions.  I cannot preach what I am not practicing.  I am so excited to let you know that I have made some great changes both professionally and personally that promise to lend itself to me getting myself back.

In terms of my blog, I promise to move away from the sad stories and move into more sharing of how positive loving thoughts and actions lead to a happy healthier life.  There is no “man” out there who can do this for me.  There is no “boy” out there who can stop me from doing this.  The actions are up to me.  And I certainly know how to do it.

So here is to an exciting 2017!  Fist step for my readers in term so of advice is: smile often and do not let negativity bring you down or take you off a positive course.

Thank you for reading and very happy to be back.

Trust…

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Happy Sunday and happy boy addict blog day.   Once again I’m attempting a relationship with a seemingly sweet boy/man and scared to death.    I’m so afraid that sadly I’ve realized that I’ve probably traumatized him.  Yet he hangs in there, so perhaps he could possibly be my man.   Well, you all know I’ve been here before and that it takes loads of time to get to know another in order to trust.

In the mean time, I contemplate my past and all the crazy boys who I was addicted to who helped me reach a new level of consciousness in my life.   In my new space, I feel fairly ok about doing things alone.   I don’t feel the burning desire to always have a boy next to me.   I’m focusing on decreasing my drama so I can focus on a very busy job.   I’m focusing on eating better and trying to heal my injury praying I can run again.

I’m focusing on my family who need my attention as we all are getting older and coping with the things that happen to our aging bodies and minds.   I’m focusing on our “reality television show” presidential election praying that love destroys hate.  I’m focusing on my friends and their children including my nephews.   After all, they think I’m cool and staying cool is a hard reputation to keep up.   I’m focusing on cleaning up my apartment so my terrific new roommate and I can live in a serene environment.   I must admit that my new boy/man has been wonderful in terms of helping me clean up my home.    He is making my life a bit easier….hmmmmmmmmmmm

Well, this is where I’m at today.   Always struggling with my life journey’s deep question.    “Is this a boy I could be addicted to OR is this my man truly bringing joy into my life”.   I’ll TRUST my process of time…lots of time.

Thank you for reading.

Long term relationships…

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Happy Sunday.  Today I’m thinking about how I’ve changed my mind over these past few years.  I no longer feel I’m missing out on something because I’m not married and I do not have children.  I’m much more comfortable in my own body and in my own life.  As part of being a “boy addict”, I have always joked with others that I am not capable of being in a long-term relationship.  Most recently, I realized this is VERY far from the truth.  With my very dear friend of 23 years in town this weekend from London, I am reminded that I am really good at long term relationships.  Just don’t have the “husband” but I do have the ability to maintain long term relationships that are healthy and gratifying.  She and I have been having such a great time together during her brief visit.  Along with she and other great long term friends, all we do is laugh and “fall back in” to our great relationship as if we had seen each other yesterday.  It is awesome.

My father always tells me I am blessed with great friends.  He is correct.  I have had the HUGE good fortune of maintaining great friends over many years.  This past year, my longest and dearest friend from high school (and my very first running partner) surprised me on my birthday at my job with a gorgeous fruit basket!  It brought tears to my eyes the gift was ENTIRELY unexpected and so incredibly thoughtful.  I was having a tough time at my job at that time and that fruit gift made my birthday so wonderful.  I didn’t need a husband to make my birthday.  I had my friend remember me and surprise me after meeting her on my high school track 30 years ago!

Then there is my family.  I am so blessed to have had them in my life for my entire 45 years.  They are so very important to me as I age.  My nephews are my “long distance” children.  It is so wonderful to spend time with them as they love me unconditionally and I them.  It is pure joy.

Now, to “toot” my own horn, I must say to have a good friend one must be a good friend.  I invest a lot into my friendships and my family.  Why?  Because you are all my “long-term relationship”.  And I am great at this.  Friends and family – we do not need any “couples counseling” and I am not afraid that we will ever separate.  Thank you for giving me the blessing of being successful at my long term relationships.  I got this!

Much love and thank you for reading.

Love is action…

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Happy Sunday.  Delving in deep this week.  One of the symptoms of my boy addiction has always been mistaking love for my craving for boy attention.  In my past, if a boy said to me “I love you”, I took this at face value because I so badly wanted “my fix”.  I wanted to be with the boy sacrificing myself at all costs.  My addiction clouded me from paying attention to his ACTIONS not his words.

It is so easy to say to someone “I love you” when there is attraction.  Lord knows, it is done all the time.  BUT everyone knows when the heat of passion runs out, that is when true love either surfaces or doesn’t.  What I have learned in my life is that true love comes in the form of actions.  More importantly, loving actions are a two-way street.  Each individual in a loving relationship must learn to give love freely in the form of actions.  That is what nurtures two people in a healthy way in my opinion.

So to break it down, love could be being there for someone when they are not “at the top of their game”.  Once again, I’m giving a shout out to my “running angel” Rose.  For years, Rose and I have been true blue running partners.  Since my injury began back in June and I cannot run, Rose is still driving to me on a regular basis (at least once a week) and walking with me.  I have come to realize that our relationship is NOT about the running, but about love.  She is willing to walk with me and help me get through my tough time and I am SO BLESSED to have her in my life (thank you true friend).

In thinking about my current relationship with a boy/man, I’m taking my time to see if there is unconditional love.  This takes a TON of time.  No need to rush. Enough said in this department.  The more important thing to emphasize in my blog today is that I warn my readers to use caution when someone says “I love you”.  I love country music and there is a wonderful song sung by Clint Black titled “Something That We Do”.   I encourage you to listen to it.  To me it embodies the true meaning of love.

And once again (as I do often), I want to thank my friends and my family for loving me unconditionally and helping me become the person I am today.  I once heard a beautiful prayer that I try to make my mantra as often as I can when I hit my challenges in life:  “God, help me give and receive love more freely”.  One day at a time…

Thank you for reading…

 

A Symptom of Boy Addiction…dating

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Happy Sunday everyone.  So I have been dating one person for some time now and he at times gets frustrated when I tell him my dating stories.  He knows I blog and I tell funny stories to entertain my friends.    If I were in his shoes, I totally understand where he is coming from.  Who wants to hear about someone’s old boyfriends and/or dates?  BUT what he fails to understand is that I am a boy addict trying to be clean and sober.  It is no different from an alcoholic who is trying to maintain sobriety by sharing his/her drunken stories of the past.  I am trying to limit the “past date” talk with him out of respect for him, but it is hard because this is so much a part of who I am.  After all, it is a big reason you read me – and thank you!

Dating one nice person is helping keep me clean and sober.  Being on the internet and meeting boys is exhausting.  So in thinking about all of this, I still wonder why I feel the need to be with someone.   I am pretty solid as a single person.  I hold a demanding job, pay my own bills, manage all of my affairs, keep an active life with great friends, and help out my family as I can. Do I really need a partner to complete me?  Nope.  I’m not sure the person I’m dating really likes hearing this, but this is my truth.

One the other hand, I like having him around.  He is kind, patient, caring and very handy.  He has been helping me clean and fix up my apartment.  He is a very neat person and for those of you who know me, you know I am “messy Lessy” (thanks for the nickname Mom) so he is helping me clean up my act.  What I am learning by spending time with him is that we can enjoy each other’s company, support each other in life, and keep doing the things that make us our “own people”.   This is the beauty of dating in middle age.  As you know I’m finally in a place where “I gotta be me”.

Since I am not running it is nice to have another around to help fill that void.  I just need to keep my addictive personality in check.  I’m finding myself quickly becoming a bit of a workaholic with my new job, but I do love it – so all good.

One very nice aspect of our relationship is that he likes to take long walks with me.  This helps feed my need to keep moving and he respects this about me.    I like spending time with him.  I feel that it helps keep my boy addiction in check.  Chronic dating has been harmful to my health.  Lets hope I can stick this out and be true to me at the same time.  One day at a time.

 

Thanks for reading.

Trust and Honesty

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Happy Sunday.  It has been awhile since I have blogged.  Mostly because my life has had a lot of changes and I’ve been in a state of transition.  I began a new job, my injury prohibits me from running, and I have begun dating again.  Very slow and steady.  The topic on my mind today is trust.  In terms of meeting a person and dating a boy or a man, the most important things in developing a meaningful relationship is trust and honesty.   They go hand in hand.  szaw What this means for me is that I be honest about who I am with my partner.  And I make no apologies for who I am or my life up to this point.  Lets face it.  I’m 45 and as my readers know I have quite a past with boys.  You could say I’m a bit jaded or you could say I’ve learned to be me no matter what.

I tell people I have “post traumatic boy disorder”.  I have been through so much with members of the opposite sex that sometimes I feel I am better off being single.  Bringing another into my world in my past has meant stress, drama, upset and hard knocks.  I’m not saying this to be doom and gloom, I’m saying this to help others understand that being alone is ok.  I have learned I never need another to complete me.  I’m the “real deal” all on my own.  It took me years to get to this place.  I’m happy to be here.

However, I am a relationship person and I do enjoy a nice person who seems to care for my well being.  Who wouldn’t?  Isn’t this what we are all seeking?   I have a zero tolerance for anyone who wants me to change who I am.  Today I’m very proud of who I am, where I came from, and where I’m going.    I can honestly say that the unconditional love I receive from my family, friends, and my kitty helped me get to this place.  Today I realize that by being single and not having children, I am still whole and have so much to offer the people in my life.  Just like you have been there for me, I am here for you.

If I stay with a man because he is worthy, he will welcome my world into his life.  One day at a time.  No need to rush anything.  As long as I am completely honest anyone who chooses to be with me make this choice.  The choice is mine too.  As Matchbox Twenty singer Rob Thomas sings “Maybe Someday We’ll Live Our Lives Out Loud, We’ll Be Better Off Somehow, Someday”.  I challenge you to be who you are and live your life out loud!  There is no shame in my game, nor yours.  Only truth telling and learning to trust.   Thank you for reading.

 

 

Peaks and Valleys…

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Greetings from Alaska. I am blessed to have this amazing opportunity to travel here with my family. My father’s 75th birthday bucket list dream was to see Alaska and with a 7 day cruise and 7 day land trip including unbelievable sights, it is fair to say that his dream came to fruition. Needless to say I am so happy to be a part of his journey. With my brother and his family included! Of course, having this time “off the grid” from my life stresses, I realize I’m coming home to new beginnings.

This past year has been tough. My Valleys seemed to be a bit deeper than my peaks. I’ve had many set backs especially in my dating life that have been tough to even talk about. But this is why I blog. To be honest and discuss the realities of my life.

Alaska is DEFINITELY a peak in my life. Starting a new job when I get home is a peak (although always scary). I’m going get a cortisone shot in my hip praying I can run again. I’m committing to my calorie counting. I’m going end my dating break and pray for my real man to prove himself.

After losing my dear friend to a very strong year long fight with stage 4 cancer, I learned from her every second is worth living. Man or no man, I commit to her I’m going to live. She has been my best teacher. I honestly have never known anyone to stay as positive as she did throughout her entire ordeal. She has left a burning image in my heart – one of positivity in life no matter what challenges you face. When Valleys come, never give up and always smile.   

As I look up 20,366 feet to the peak of Mount Denali, I see my friend’s soul shining down upon me telling me never to let the climb out of the valley get me down. The rewards are too great! Bless you my friend Lennis. And thank you God for my life’s climb.